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Hi Everyone

conethree
over 8 years ago

Hi,

30 year old male here...

I've joined to find out about other peoples experiences of living with aspergers (which I suspect I have - I've done multiple AQ tests and get 44 upwards / 50 depending on who's test it is).

I've been struggling since as far as I can remember (probably since about the age of 5) to do all the normal day to day things which everyone around me seem to do perfectly well. I've always struggled to speak / interact with "normal" people, They don't understand me and they rapidly become bored of me.

Recently I had a complete meltdown and I ended up in A&E after a suicide attempt, and have now been referred to the local psych team - I'm hoping to get them to diagnose my ASD (if that is what it is)

I have no friends now, my parents don't really care anymore as they think I'm just an idiot who likes to act in a manner outside of the social norms, my sister is the only one who I have to talk to and its becoming clear that she can't really handle all of this - she has her own problems.

So, I've joined this forum to hopefully find some likeminded people to talk to.

C

  • over 8 years ago

    You are absolutely right about the invisibility problem and being accused of laziness and being difficult. Same here, it is a very difficult thing to describe to people and it is a hard thing for other people to understand. There is a very real Catch 22 problem in the difficulty of someone with communication problems trying to communicate clearly to people who have no experience of anything like this. I actually am getting to the point where I am not going to try to explain this to people as I struggle to explain it and they don't get it and I can't expect them to understand.

    Mental health is simply not as scientific as other medical sciences - misdiagnosis is an everyday thing and a lot of it is trial and error. It is possible that your father was misdiagnosed with schizophrenia - this has been mentioned before on the forum. Divorce and family break up is common with any mental health problem but particularly common with undiagnosed autism. The impact of this on a child with communication problems will compound any issues that you have from the autism itself.

    Having said all that there is lots of stuff to learn about the condition and how to live with it. Knowledge is definitely powerful in our situation.

  • over 8 years ago

    Thankyou recombinantsocks, I've had the depression part of it for longer than I can remember, I'm not sure exactly when that started, I think it was during the last few years of school.

    I've never experienced this level of anxiety before and it was quite a shock, I've found that colouring books seem to (albeit slowly) reduce the anxiety until I can get back to being logical again.

    Thankyou for the recommendation, I'll order that along with the other few I've found mentioned around the forum, I've not read as much as I'd like on this condition / curse / blessing yet as its quite a new discovery for me.

    I knew something was different since day 1 of primary school, I had no reference point until then - but I just couldn't put my finger on it until probably about a year / two ago when I saw something on "Embarresing Bodies" about it and suddenly everything in my life made complete sense but I didn't want to accept it at the time for some reason.

    The main problem I find with all this is that its completely invisible to "normal" people and they think your being lazy or intentionally difficult - when you suggest that ASD maybe part of the cause of why you're who you are they just brush it off and tell you to "stop being stupid" and to just "get on with it" - believe me I would love nothing more than to be able to "get on with it".

    I don't think anyone on my mum's side has ever suffered from it or anything like that, the only thing I do know is that my dad had / has (not sure as I don't see him anymore) schizophrenia.

  • over 8 years ago

    Hi conethree,

    Welcome to the forum. Your story is very common on the forum and there are a good number of adults who know what you are going through. I was diagnosed at 56 after a life of clattering about and like a lot of the others, have had depression and anxiety etc. If you know what the underlying problem is (and it sounds as though there isn't much doubt with a score like that) then you can use that as a tool to make your future much better than your past.

    Have you come across Valerie Gaus's book http://www.amazon.co.uk/Living-Well-Spectrum-Challenges-High-Functioning/dp/1606236342 which I think is a good place to start with reinventing your life.

    Your parents lack of sympathy may indicate that they are affected too. Autism is commonly genetic and it can create a "nurture plus nature" problem for children. This is speculative and don't take it as me blaming anyone - if one of them is on the spectrum then they will be suffering too.