ASD DIAGNOSIS

You comments about anxiety, depression and alcohol abuse are very familiar to me.  And as you say, those more immediate problems do so often lead doctors to overlook the underlying causes that fuel them.

When I hit University in my late teens, I saw everyone around me drinking and having a good time, and got it into my head that alcohol was a miracle wonder-drug for making people sociable.  I assumed that it would somehow overcome the social deficits that made partying and dating so difficult for me.

A little over a year later, I had flunked my course, drank away all my money, pushed away my friends, contemplated ending my life, and finally ended up at the health centre with physical problems caused by malnutrition.

Getting drunk had become more essential to me than eating, and was no longer something I did to help me socialise, but to mask the loneliness of finding no place in the world that fitted me.  According to the doctors, however, I was just "being a typical 'emo' student", and I was sent away with little more than some dietary advice and a bottle of milk of magnesia.

I'm fortunate that I did manage to control my drinking by making a hard and fast rule never to drink alone again - which I stick to still.  But I have still had periods since them when I have been a binger, either of alcohol or other "substances".  Touch wood, I have now had that under control for nearly a decade now, but I know that I can never be complacent about it, and still feel the temptation often.

If you are still receiving help for anxiety, depression or addiction, or feel that you wish to again, I recommend that the people helping you should be informed of your diagnosis, even if you prefer not to disclose to family and friends.  Since an autism diagnosis was first suggested to me, the outcome from talking therapies, in particular, has been greatly improved by a better understanding of the difference between the traits of autism, and the traits of mental illness or addiction.  If there is a special autism service or disability advice organisation near you that has counsellors with specific training, all the better.

The identity issue you mention I think comes in part having led our lives "acting a part" out in the world, desperate to hide our "weirdness" because we cannot explain it either to ourselves or anyone else.

Even after just these few months, I am already finding the "real Trog" being slowly revealed to me, and I have resolved that I am not going to play the "pretending to be normal" game any more.  If there are people who don't like that, then I don't need them in my life, and the loss is theirs not mine.

Too many tears to write more now.  Best wishes - I look forward to speaking to you again soon.

Thank you for your comments which are really helpful. I am and will think about everything very carefully. Yes - everything does now make sense. I have struggled all my life socially and I always tried my best to find a way to cope. I have major issues with Alcohol and for the past 20 years have received treatment for this and the Anxiety, depression. Because of the destruction caused by Alcohol, everyone hs been focussing on this solely. I always knew that this was not Primary issue but could not explain things. I have struggled all my life with Identity issues and really have no idea who John really is. I really only had that Eureaka moment last year and I knew instantly that it was important.I started to read about others life stories and experiences and could for the very first time relate to Lots of things , traits, behaviours that I had locked away deep inside myself - things that I would never openly admit to anyone else for fear of ridicule and to be thought of as retarded or slow.

I will give myself time to let things sink in.

Reading your thoughts and views and others on here is tremendously comforting.

Thank you

John

Hi John, welcome to the forum.

I got my diagnosis just a couple of months ago, after it was first suggested about a year before that.  I've had huge amounts of stuff bouncing around in my head, too - forty five years worth of unexplained weirdness in my life, for starters!  I'm still having little "Eureka" moments every day.

The best thing for it, in my opinion, is to come to places like this, where you can meet other people with a similar diagnosis.  Talking to other people who have had longer to acclimatise to their diagnosis has really helped me to be more at ease with my new discovery, and to learn to pace myself a little so that all the new information doesn't swamp me.

Unless you have particularly urgent practical or health reasons, try to allow yourself as much time as you need for the thoughts to settle down.  There is usually no rush to make your diagnosis known to other people.  In fact, I would advise you to be very cautious about disclosure initially, as other people's reactions can be strange sometimes - an added pressure that is best tackled once you are more comfortable with the diagnosis yourself.

If there's anything you're particularly anxious about, don't be afraid to come back here and ask about it.  I have found the people here to be incredibly generous and understanding, and full of excellent advice.

Best wishes.