Saturday night melt down - and hi!

Hi Longman,

Thanks for your comments. Your feedback has been duely noted.

Avi

I'm going to get told off for commenting too much on Moderator comments, but I need to raise a concern about what is on the website under "behaviour". For example, "challenging behaviour" does not compare with what many parents witness and describe.

"Physical challenging behaviour" is also a bit tame - biting pinching slapping spitting and hairpulling- it wouldn't be so big an issue of it was just that.

There's little on the website about meltdowns or the causes of sensory overload. And keeping a diary of events before, during and after an episode leads people to look for immediate triggers only. While it may just be my theory, I'm nevertheless going to press the point that often the immediate trigger is meaningless to observers. There must be something more to it.

Many parents are desperate to understand uncontrollable rages, kicking, punching, stabbing at others with whatever is to hand - mere "challenging behaviour" just doesn't begin to desctibe what goes on.

It is no-use referring to the website if the website information just isn't up to what people desperately need to find out.

Thanks Sophie, I'll have a look at that. Just finding the website and forum has been great, I already feel less alone and have had some great advice.x

Hi KatJackKev,

Thanks for sharing your experience. Longman has made some good points but I just wanted to add that you may want to contact our helpline for further advice regarding behaviour. We also have a section of our website that provides information on behaviour that you may find helpful. Another organisation that you may want to contact is Young Minds. They have a parents helpline where you can speak to an adviser and get advice on supporting your child.

Hope this helps but if not please don't hesitate to contact us

Sofie Mod

Oops posted too soon - thanks for your help, you've been great is what I meant to write!x

Good idea. He does love animals, although they tend to get frightened when he has a meltdown. I've just bought a copy of the book, and a lava lamp for him (the miracle of internet shopping!). Will keep thinking about ways to relieve, or prevent, his stress.

He has about of duvets on his bed at night, I think for the weight, will have a look through the book and see what else is in there. Thanks for your help

The classic book to read on stress relief is Temple Grandin's "Thinking in Pictures and other reports from my life with autism" originally published 1995, but pretty widely available in paperback.

One of her ideas was the use of a squeezebox - if this sounds strange it is not so bizarre in application, and there are more practical alternatives like weighted blankets and waited jackets.

People on the autistic spectrum lack human contact - that is they may be reluctant to hug or embrace another person. But they can be reassured by some sort of physical "hug".

The other thing often discussed on here is keeping a pet - less social pressure, good company.

Coloured lamps including lava lamps and some types of wall poster are calming.

Asking about this ought to get a lot more answers.

What a fantastic theory. I can actually totally relate to that as I HATE talking to people on the phone or face to face, especially about my problems. It's ok at work though cos it's all about my students, not me. 

Anyway, back to the point - he doesn't really talk about things that bother him, or even how his day was. He'll give me bits and pieces of insight but I think he struggles to verbalize what's bothering him, especially if asked directly. 

So - logically we can either look at stress prevention, stress relief, or ideally both. Thank you so much for your help, things look a bit clearer now. Out of interest, do you know of anything that can help relieve stress specifically for individuals with ASD? By which I mean, if talking doesn't help, and stress is internalized more than it may be for others, any ideas what might help? I've tried giving him time alone and that seems to help a bit, but am I missing something really obvious here - like removing or adding to sensory input?

Thanks again.x

My theory (and that's all I can offer - I haven't found a backer - its what I recall and I'm lucky and fairly manageable) is that outbursts follow the "last straw" principle.

You may yourself have a bad day when everything seems to go wrong. It may only be something quite small that causes you to have an outburst of frustration or distress.

For someone on the autistic spectrum it is quite possible to be near the last straw situation all day and every day.

Not having good social referencing, and not being able to diffuse concerns by talking to others, including his peers, he has to resolve everything in isolation by thinking it through. People on the spectrum become overly attuned to thinking everything through - round and round it all goes - in your head.

Things that you would have forgotten about almost instantaneously he can still be trying to rationalise and resolve weeks later. Because he has no outside referencing.

You can talk to people, friends, family, neighbours - often indirectly, by implying it is someone else you are asking for rather than yourself. Most people (I perceive) sort a lot of things out by social interaction. Your son cannot do this properly, so has to resolve everything independently.

This (in my theory .....) is why people on the spectrum are so prone to anxiety and depression. Everything is churning in your head in negatively reinforcing spirals so your stress levels are permanently high. So you are constantly "blowing up" at things that appear insignificant to others. Its not the trigger its the underlying stress,.

I think you can reduce the pressure if he is willing to talk though his problems, and there are issues you can resolve for him to reduce the load.

Hi Longman, thanks for your response, you've given me some good points to consider. I wonder if he is stressed - although I try to make life as stress free as possible for him by keeping routines, advance warning of change and avoiding situations that may upset or overload him. Often when he is violent it is on the back of an aggressive outburst following him being disappointed by something. So for example last night he was very upset because he was expecting to go out, but equally he had begun to spiral towards aggression earlier in the day - reflecting on it now I should have seen it coming maybe. We didn't go out because he had begun to swear at us and wouldn't calm down, so I decided to give it a miss - I wonder if we just should have gone anyway so he wasn't shocked by not going.  

Regarding sensory overload, can hurts and grievances contribute to that - I.e could emotional distress cause sensory overload? Any ideas for how to manage this better?

Thanks for your help.x

If autism is a factor he may be responding to his own pain, or difficulty understanding pain.

Sometimes the violence is a reaction to a seemingly violent world - loud noises, sudden jostling, harsh criticism and blame, ridicule (at school, and maybe bullying). And it may be the only way to communicate pain is to retaliate against an apparent source, or party that leaves him exposed to pain.

It isn't easy to find out about (because of ability to communicate feelings and pain without reliable external referencing) so it may take a lot of patience to establish if he is experiencing too much stress and if that is why he is reacting.

Sensory overload, when all the inputs, hurts and grievances overwhelm, is also going to be a factor, and lashing out at people is one form of meltdown