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20yr old m son with aspergers... i cant cope!

beentheredonethat
over 8 years ago

Well i never thought i would be writing on the community pages of NAS...Maybe its one of those last resort things where you think.. its only typing things on a page.. no one really reads it or cares but its sometimes helpful to get it all out.. Hmm not sure...

My son was diagnosed when he was about 10 after years of SEN intervention.. school action then school action plus... got excluded within a week of senior school.. had to home teach him for a year whilst working nights as a nurse whilst waiting for a statement... New school... FABULOUS.. school was great.. they loved him... he did well.. Obviously we had the usual troubles but we dealt with them... Nightmare stages through exams.. did those.. did well.. did A levels.. did well... Went to University AND IT ALL FELL TO PIECES.... since then my son has lived in his room.. doesnt talk..  wont take medication prescribed for depression.. drinks...gets up when we go to bed and goes to bed before we get up.. lives on his computer... does not bath.. wash.. change his clothes or have his hair cut... HES 20 years old... what can i do? GP and others wont talk to me as he is a adult.. Im sure he thinks that if he is not around when we are then hes not a niance or trouble... he cant see that hes ripping me apart.. he barrs his door on his bedroom so i cant get in.. Im really at a loose end..Suggestions on a postcard? 

  • over 8 years ago

    Thanks for your support... i really appreciate that i can let off steam on here and not be condoned or criticised.... Today i broke down at my old mums... it was good to have someone to talk to... but i still cant see a way forward... I may see if i can book a appointment at NAS locally to chat with someone.. maybe get some direction.. cheers again all

  • over 8 years ago

    Firstly, you are NOT a bad mum - it sounds like you haven't the support that you all need as a family. The EHCP is  new and your son will be eligible so I would contact IPSEA (NAS will have the no.)as they are up to date on what your son is entltled to and very good as they are volunteer parents going through the same as us - give them a try.

    Dis- connecting the internet won't help at the moment because it is your son's life-line. Our daughter didn't like counselling so we stopped it after two sessions - it is hard to talk when you don't know how to express yourself. Could your son write down a few words to express to you how he is feeling? 

    Please don't feel alone - it will take time to turn things around, but you will!

    Also, contact the C.A.B. to see what help you can get your son with regard to benefits and also for you as carers.Take small steps otherwise things just seem to big....x

  • over 8 years ago

    Thankyou for your kind comments... 

    Ive taken him to the GP... He wont take his meds...says he doesnt need them to the GP.. I took him to the local Aspergers and ADHD team.. he didnt want to do group work ( thats all that was on offer).. You can take a horse to water but you cant make it drink...  I organised counselling... he didnt go...EHCP? He had a stement at school but it seems once youre out of school... MUM & DAD WILL COPE! we dont even have a social worker.. im too frightened to get in touch with them in case my son thinks im trying to get him taken away.. I cant make him do anything.. plus it does not help that he is a very big lad.. over 25stone and 6ft 6... im scared ...Im just a bad mother.... My husband is angry and thratening to remove the internet and throw him out.. disown him..I know that would be the worst thing that could happen... He needs care and attention im so deperate to give him...He wont let me in... 

  • over 8 years ago

    Hi

    Does your son have an EHCP (education,health and care plan) in place because he should be getting support until he is 25? Our daughter is just going through this process to make sure everything possible is put in place. 

    Have you got support for you - I go to a counsellor monthly now to help me to off-load and re-boot- it helps enormously.

    I'm sure others on here will have ideas, plus if you ring the NAS helpline they will have ideas too.

    Wishing you the very best.X

  • over 8 years ago

    Hi BTDT,

    I am sorry that you are in this situation.  When I was like that I think my husband rang the mental health team.  In Kent, I know, there is one number that you can use to ask for help.  I know the number but it is on line too.  You dial the number and then explain to some CPNs what is wrong.  They deal with it.

    If you're not in Kent, which is probably the case see if your local mental health team have a referral line for relatives.  This spiralling down needs to stop.  I got the help I needed and now at 8.30 have just had breakfast and am dressed.  OK, the shower didn't happen, but I'm working on that.

    Take care of yourself.

    M.