I think i may be an adult suffering undiagnosed aspergers

Hello, my name is Michael i'm a 29 year old male.  I'm not diagnosed with any form of autism but over the last couple of years i have been wondering more and more if i am.  I was wondering if there was anyone else who came to realise that they were suffering from a form of autism later in life and if they could help or tell me how they came to realise.

My whole life i have struggled with social interactions and have always kept to myself.  When i was younger i struggled in school and was always in the lower classes suffering with dyslexia.  I was ambidextrous up until high school, when i was forced to choose one hand to write with as my handwriting was so bad.

I have always excelled in the arts, being a musician and loving to draw.  Later in life i acheived a first class degree in audio production and now i am studying a masters in sound design at a film school in the uk.  

Lately i have been suffering from social anxiety and really struggling to interact and it has become more obvious as my course relies heavily on socialising with many other departments.  I'm having regular panic attacks and find myself being unable communicate in groups.

I tend to keep to myself most of the time although i really want to interact with others more.  I have alway known something was not right as i have struggled to keep relationships in the past and never had a long term relationship.  I also struggle to keep in contact with friends and have lost many friends over the years due to this.  I only have a handful of close friends that i have kept in contact with over the years.  

I guess i have always known soemthing is wrong but i've always ignored it.  It's only lately as it seems to be effecting my career that i feel i need to face whatever the issue is head on.  The more i read about autism and the symptoms the more i feel i may be suffering from a form of it.  

If anyone who is or has been in a similar situation later in life can share their experiences or help with what steps i should take next, i would be really greatful.

Thank You

Michael

 

  

  • Might be best to start a new thread as this one is 7 years old! 

    You can get a referral for assessment from a doctor, but in some areas the waiting list is long and you need to provide the right evidence for the doctors tp refer you.  

  • Forgot to add I am 40 years old.x

  • Hello I’m Gemma and have found getting on with co workers hard. Carnt keep a relationship. Have hardly any friends. Just acquaintances. Suffer a lot with anxiety as hard to communicate in my job. Beg for help at work. Feel I have undiagnosed Asperger’s. I have dyslexia. Carnt get a diagnosis from doctor. Told I will have to pay privately for diagnosis. Don’t have this kind of money. Stage three disciplinary at work cus had time off with stress and I’ll health. X

  • Hi, reading all this has helped so much thank you, I am going to see my doc on friday and I am going to talk to them about it.

    So many things in Michael's story resonate with me, I am also very gifted musically and am a successful music producer (although it is more a hobby I have relased music and its done well). I'm currently holding down a job as well. I am also able to look after and spend time with my 7yo when I get to see him.

    makes me sound pretty normal right?

    However....I am nearly 38, I now live with my parents again, I got divorced and had to leave my home 7 years ago, since then I have drifted from job to job, rental home to rental home. I have suffered bouts of depression more times than I can remember I am now so used to them. I've lost many friends and my wife who i think i loved and nearly committed suicide on more than one occasion.

    I have always found social interactions and relationships difficult, I never know what to say or do and if i am doing it right. As a result I learned through failed relationships and interactions to keep people at a distance, the closer they get, the more scared I get and then I push them away...quite harshly in some cases.

    I've always had difficulty empathising, I just don't feel what I am supposed to and feel guilty because I should. I prefer to be on my own as it is more calm and I can relax as opposed to being somewhere crowded and having to talk to people. It's mad because I can go and perform in front of people, but that is because I am so focused on what I am doing at the time I do not think about the people around me, before and after performing I literally cannot wait to get away from the situation, I just learned to cope with those brief points of anxiety.

    People have always said I am clever but 'odd', I repeat things (usually 3 times in different ways) I talk over people and rarely give them time to speak, I do this when I am nervous or comfortable.

    Alot of the things I do enjoy involve numbers and logical processes (I get obsessed by values used in music production). My job is one that requires logical processes and I find that easy....speaking to people at work not so!!

    I love routine, if I could have everything as a routine, knowing what to do and when to do it I feel so much more relaxed. When something or someone breaks the routine or forces me to not follow my routine or do the things I must do (cleaning and doing jobs i need to do) it really stresses me out.

    I recently end a relationship because I was too scared to get close, freaking out too much that it was messing with my routine and my goals which i set myself and because I didnt know if I was in love or not ( I just cant tell anymore).

    Been having problems with social situations since I was a child and I've just tried to live with it and roll with the punches, but its caused me to be depressed and anxious....

    I know somethings not right as I have tried meds, counselling, CBT...all work for a brief time then it comes back and its usally triggered by me failing socially.

    When the depression and anxiety triggers it causes relationship and social problems for me and like I say I have lost many friends and loved ones, mainly through them not knowing what to do and so walking away due to the stress (my wife divorced me because of this as she could no longer cope).

    Its been so many years the depression and anxiety now act like defense mechanisms and stop me from getting close to anyone, so now I feel alone even though I am with my parents (who asked me to move in so they could keep an eye on me better) and my sister and a couple of friends that have stuck by me through the years.

    Its also been that long that I am pretty certain that the depression and anxiety are being triggered by events in my life that I have had difficulty with on a day to day basis and that is pointing me at this....I thought a few years ago I may have been Bi polar, saw GP and they said no so I left it but I know there is something fundamentally wrong with how I think....Its never been quite the same as most other people.

    So finding this thread has helped me to give it another go, maybe this time I will get some answers so Thank you x

    Typing this as I sit here in work, sad and scared but hiding it very well I hope! I have learned to do it well over the years otherwise I'd never get a job or girlfriend! problem is they never stay and I know that its me but I dont know why!!

    Yours

    A very confused but grateful Adult who suspects he is Autistic or has ASD.

  • It might be worth seeing also if there's an NAS or other autism support group in your area. I'm not sure whether you might be able to bring someone with you. But it is well worth pursuing diagnosis: not just to get a handle on playing to your strengths and keeping an eye out for your weaknesses, but also because (in my experience) the support and sense of community among fellow-Aspies is great. Yes, we are all individuals and have our own special interests and quirks, but because most of us have had to deal with knocks from the NT world, we care about each other.

    I was diagnosed at 50. When I was 47, I had come close to a breakdown because of workplace stress, had a short course of CBT, and started looking into what had been going on with my faulty coping mechanisms. A lot of things came to the surface that I had been struggling with for years.

    Book-wise, I also recommend Tony Attwood's Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome.

  • Hi Michael, I came to the realisation that I may very well have Asperger's only a couple of months ago.  I attended The Autism Show in Birmingham in June, and hearing four women speakers talking about their experiences of late diagnosis and their life, they could have been describing my own life back to me.  I did the AQ test and came to an initial score of 35 (using self-editing) and retested with a score of 39 (answering more truthfully if there was no risk of negative social consequences, lost friendships, etc).  I started freewriting the things about myself that could be associated with Autism/Asperger's, and that document ended up being 26 pages long.  I started reading up on the subject and finally felt brave enough to approach my GP to request an assessment (and even then, I just took in my 26 page document, a few pages printed from the NAS website and my local NHS Foundation Trust).  She agreed to refer me, so I filled in the form and returned it, and I'm still waiting to be contacted for the next steps.  In the intervening time, I've started a blog to help me get my thoughts out and hopefully help others who suspect or are seeking a late diagnosis as an adult, especially women, as we display our Aspie traits in a different way.  My blog is relatively new, but if you wish to check it out, it's at http://iammyownexperience.com/

  • if u need someone talk to about autism u can talk to me

  • hope u ok and can talk to me if you want and i have set up a facebok blog about autism if you are interested

  • hi, i too only got the diagnosis a few months ago, being 25. For me it was a case of spotting an article about autism when i was flicking through a random magazine someone had left lieing around during my break at work. Ive always had massive problems during schooltime with massive stress buildups which often ended up me having to go off sick and social difficulties, never did make any real friends through the entire time there. (there was only one girl there i occasionally talked to, but she wasnt a very nice person, often pinching me just because i was "too boring otherwise" and telling me to do all sorts of things threatening she wont be my friend anymore if i dont and since i didnt wana be left entirely by myself to be bullied by everybody, i was extremely gullible) Also my parents moving often did not help, took me well over a year to get used to the new place again, just to move again in a few years time, it was hell. But i always thought thats jsut the way i am, i never even thought to look up the "symptoms" as i just took ithem as my personality traits rather than something that has an acctual name. So i looked it up how to get a referral and everywhere it said gotta do it via gp, which i find rather silly as its not like my gp knows me very well and they definetly not a professional able to judge whether i got asd or not. So i went to the surgery and asked a lady doctor if theyd be able to refer without an appointment, as i didnt feel comfortable talking to my gp about it but she said not without a specific appointment for that, so that was the first step, getting an appointment with a lady gp and having to explain to her why i think i got asd to get referred. By end of year i got an appointment with a psychiatrist, who asked me a load of questions and said yes, i probably am on the spectrum, but he actually has no experience in the field of autism, so not the right person to diagnose it. So was referred to a specialist who was booked all the way up to march. 2 appointments with her, tons of questionnaires to fill out inbetween and then she said thats enough, she can see im well on the spectrum so dont have to go through witht he rest of the tests:) thus diagnosed since end of march:) still had some more appointments afterwards, follow up, pat team, social worker... Last one being only a few days ago to see if they can get me into any support groups etc, am soo hoping itll be easyer to make friends with others like myself as they more likely to understand how hard it is....though i must admit a part of me is a bit worried that person with social/communication difficulties+ another person with social-communication difficulties=dead silence cuz nobody talks! But who knows:)

  • My (now) 6year old son started showing signs of ASD and so when I was reading about it I came to the conlcusion I also was on the spectrum, although (as Ive gone into elsewhere so I won't repeat myself) I won't be getting a full diagnosis, as im not "bad enough" (their words not mine).

  • If u want to talk to me u can hope u ok

  • Michael86 said:

    You said you suspected that you had ASD before you went to the doctor, did you just go to an appointment one day and bring it up?  I'm affriad of being dismissed if i just bring it up after not being to see a GP after so many years.

    It wasn't straightforward. I had got into a state about work - my managers were "confronting my performance" or bullying me depending on your point of view so I was in a fairly distressed and tearful state when I got to the GP. I had, however, got my suspicions and I wrote down a list of reasons I thought I was ASD. The GP was willing to take the written list and keep a copy for their notes. The GP didn't seem to know much about it but she made enquiries and was willing to refer me for diagnosis. I couldn't wait for the NHS waiting list so I went private.

    If you go to the GP then

    - write down a list of problems that you have - e.g. anxieties, unable to leave your room for months, problems with conflict etc

    - write down the list of reasons you think you have ASD - test score, eye contact, communication problems and misunderstandings/arguments that you have had etc etc

    It is normal, if you have ASD, to be reluctant and anxious about talking to a stranger like your GP so having it all written down will help to get your case across. Communication problems are part of the syndrome so there is a real Catch-22 about convincing the doctor that there is a real problem. I felt that the written list helped me get the story straight and get taken seriously. You can also tell the GP the online test score and the fact that it indicates a high likelihood of ASD. If the GP hasn't heard of the test the you can say that the test comes from Psychologist Simon Baron-Cohen and his colleagues at Cambridge’s Autism Research Centre - i.e. it has some serious credentials.

  • Hi Michael86.

    I'm also 29 and can very much understand your story. I'm just at the begining of the diognosis process though through my own research it obvious. I visited my Gp with and inbility to leave home and i had no idea what it was or what anxiety was, it was my Gp that suggested asd and i wasn't sure what anxiety was until i had read about other people that had it and thought that sounds famillier.

    At the moment I was reffered by my Gp to the Access team a social worker visited me and I had and initial 1 hour consultation with a , then got  psychologist and appointment with an occupational therepist and shes been asking me questions and taking notes, the last appointment she visited me at home because she said that was part of the process and after she feels she has enough evidence she has a meeting with a consultant psychologist , a consultant psychiatrist and a social worker to make a diognosis and come up with a plan and a way forward.

    I don't know if this is how the process goes everywhere but seems to be the case here.

    When the Occupational therepist vistited me on Thursday she told me the battery had gone in her watch an thats why she would be looking at it oftern, i never thought of this at the time but now i think of it if she hadn't of told me i would have assumed she was dissinterested of had no time. I'm sure your local Mental health trust will good, i was supprised myself and after innitial sight resistance due to anxiety hiding symtoms they seem profficient and the wright track.

    If you struggle to comunicate how you feel of think verbally you may try keeping a diary of how you feel as further evidence, it was some members on this forum that suggested it to me, though i've had trouble concentrating and keeping it up. Hope you find some usfulness in this.

    All the best Steven..

  • Hello Michael

    I am quite a bit older than yourself being about 46 and was diagnosed last year with autism. But I myself did not make any connections. Previously I had self referred for Cognitivie Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and had that about a year. That came to a 'sad' end. I had a good psychologist. I got by that year and towards the end of the year I put in again for CBT. They sent me to initial assessment and after a good long session she actually said with my permission that would refer me to another colleague who specialises more in 'this' area. Though she didn't say what 'this' area actually was. It was too genuine to have sounded like being passed around departments. I was referred and met with that person half a dozen time over the winter. They took quite a detailed record of me. All of which helped by which I was able to let of steam to trusted person on email and was able to take those incidences to the sessions. At one of the sessions she kept asking me if I want to know what it is? I was in two minds. It wouldn't be anything never is, and still had to deal with it but yes I wanted to know. She then presented to me that I could be Asperger's. It was a complete shock but a relief shock. I had to be assessed and have other health issues too.  But she herself specialised in Aspergers Syndrome. I agreed and she made a referall to the GP who refered me for the Assessments which began to feel like were never going to happen after what felt like nearly two year waiting time which is probably quite quick really but... then the waiting after the asessments to the diagnoses which felt even more nervous. What if they think it isn't, it be worse because it be more than back to square one in my life. Finally the day of the diagnosis and the result was in fact not Asperger's Syndrom but Atypical Autism. 2/3'rds autism with pda is it. It puts me farily on the ASD Spectrum and was given a card to show if I got into difficulty anywhere and have had a year worth of appointments of which I have learned how autism affects me.  I was told at the diagnosis I find processing and sequence hard. I have been learning alot about myself over the last year in terms of autism. I find social communication hard. Eye contact is sometimes hard. I remember the rows I used to have with family as a kid when I thought they were looking at me. That makes sense now in terms of autism. I have a phone number on the card which if I get into difficulty then they can be contacted. I haven't used it for that but contact them myself and let of steam by other means. I hate the phone. I am single and no wish for any kind of close relationship. I don't have a job. On this website it talks about as though the diagnosis of autism is a shock for parents. As an adult with the diagnosis it was a shock but been a huge comfort blanket. A positive shock. Something else is happening. If you are not sure about your own situation then can I suggest you book an appointment with your GP and go and discuss it with them.  They are the ones who make the referal anyway. Even my CBT Pyschologist had to go through them. The CBT I had before proved useful as they were able to access all that towards the assessments. It how they knew something else was happening.  But to have the diagnosis is a huge relief for me and have other support now too other than NHS.

  • Yes sorry i asked and it started as my eldest son got diganosed with autism and there were similarities and  i went to the doctor and he referred me to the bristol autism.spectrum service and had two appointments and then got diganosed and as they heard all it for and were very understanding but if u want to talk to me thats ok

  • Yeah i'd like to talk more on here for now if that's okay?  How did you come to realise you were suffering from aspergers? and how did you find it taking that initial step to seeking professional help?

    The main thing that worries me is the opening up to anyone about it let alone a stranger face to face.  With my past experience and complete loss of confidence in GP's the thought of bringing this up to a GP fills me with dread.

  • I got diganosed at age 30 and u sound a lot like me and i have aspergers syndrome and i can talk tonu want on here or facebook

  • I'll check it out, thank you so much for your replies

  • No i have recently moved to do a masters and i haven't registered with a GP yet.  I haven't been to see a GP since i was 18.  The last time i went to see a GP it was to do with my anxiety and depression issues and it was kind of laughed off by the GP and i lost all confidence in sharing any of my issues with anyone.  So i have since tried to just deal with my personal issues myself.  

    This mainly involves just ignoring them.  I go through good and bad periods.  When i'm good, i am 100% detirmined and driven, to the point of obsession, as i said i got a 1st class degree and got accepted into one of the world best film schools and ran a marathon last year but then when i'm bad i can't stand to be around anyone.  

    There was a period towards the end of last year that i didn't leave my bedroom or house for a pariod of 5 months and for a lot of the time i physically couldn't get out of bed.

    You said you suspected that you had ASD before you went to the doctor, did you just go to an appointment one day and bring it up?  I'm affriad of being dismissed if i just bring it up after not being to see a GP after so many years.

  • I read this book when I first suspected I was affected

    www.amazon.co.uk/.../1606236342

    Others on the forum have read it and found it useful too.