Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello, my name is Michael i'm a 29 year old male. I'm not diagnosed with any form of autism but over the last couple of years i have been wondering more and more if i am. I was wondering if there was anyone else who came to realise that they were suffering from a form of autism later in life and if they could help or tell me how they came to realise.
My whole life i have struggled with social interactions and have always kept to myself. When i was younger i struggled in school and was always in the lower classes suffering with dyslexia. I was ambidextrous up until high school, when i was forced to choose one hand to write with as my handwriting was so bad.
I have always excelled in the arts, being a musician and loving to draw. Later in life i acheived a first class degree in audio production and now i am studying a masters in sound design at a film school in the uk.
Lately i have been suffering from social anxiety and really struggling to interact and it has become more obvious as my course relies heavily on socialising with many other departments. I'm having regular panic attacks and find myself being unable communicate in groups.
I tend to keep to myself most of the time although i really want to interact with others more. I have alway known something was not right as i have struggled to keep relationships in the past and never had a long term relationship. I also struggle to keep in contact with friends and have lost many friends over the years due to this. I only have a handful of close friends that i have kept in contact with over the years.
I guess i have always known soemthing is wrong but i've always ignored it. It's only lately as it seems to be effecting my career that i feel i need to face whatever the issue is head on. The more i read about autism and the symptoms the more i feel i may be suffering from a form of it.
If anyone who is or has been in a similar situation later in life can share their experiences or help with what steps i should take next, i would be really greatful.
Thank You
Michael
Hello Michael
I am quite a bit older than yourself being about 46 and was diagnosed last year with autism. But I myself did not make any connections. Previously I had self referred for Cognitivie Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and had that about a year. That came to a 'sad' end. I had a good psychologist. I got by that year and towards the end of the year I put in again for CBT. They sent me to initial assessment and after a good long session she actually said with my permission that would refer me to another colleague who specialises more in 'this' area. Though she didn't say what 'this' area actually was. It was too genuine to have sounded like being passed around departments. I was referred and met with that person half a dozen time over the winter. They took quite a detailed record of me. All of which helped by which I was able to let of steam to trusted person on email and was able to take those incidences to the sessions. At one of the sessions she kept asking me if I want to know what it is? I was in two minds. It wouldn't be anything never is, and still had to deal with it but yes I wanted to know. She then presented to me that I could be Asperger's. It was a complete shock but a relief shock. I had to be assessed and have other health issues too. But she herself specialised in Aspergers Syndrome. I agreed and she made a referall to the GP who refered me for the Assessments which began to feel like were never going to happen after what felt like nearly two year waiting time which is probably quite quick really but... then the waiting after the asessments to the diagnoses which felt even more nervous. What if they think it isn't, it be worse because it be more than back to square one in my life. Finally the day of the diagnosis and the result was in fact not Asperger's Syndrom but Atypical Autism. 2/3'rds autism with pda is it. It puts me farily on the ASD Spectrum and was given a card to show if I got into difficulty anywhere and have had a year worth of appointments of which I have learned how autism affects me. I was told at the diagnosis I find processing and sequence hard. I have been learning alot about myself over the last year in terms of autism. I find social communication hard. Eye contact is sometimes hard. I remember the rows I used to have with family as a kid when I thought they were looking at me. That makes sense now in terms of autism. I have a phone number on the card which if I get into difficulty then they can be contacted. I haven't used it for that but contact them myself and let of steam by other means. I hate the phone. I am single and no wish for any kind of close relationship. I don't have a job. On this website it talks about as though the diagnosis of autism is a shock for parents. As an adult with the diagnosis it was a shock but been a huge comfort blanket. A positive shock. Something else is happening. If you are not sure about your own situation then can I suggest you book an appointment with your GP and go and discuss it with them. They are the ones who make the referal anyway. Even my CBT Pyschologist had to go through them. The CBT I had before proved useful as they were able to access all that towards the assessments. It how they knew something else was happening. But to have the diagnosis is a huge relief for me and have other support now too other than NHS.