Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I'm the Dad of a 14 year-old boy who has been referred to CAMHS for a diagnosis. It all started a year ago when we were on holiday and an education specialist talked to us and suggested he needed a diagnosis. I went away to read about Asperger's on here and found it described my son exactly.
We'd always thought of our son as just being 'him' - quiet, struggling socially, physically awkward and extremely interested in a particular hobby. He never showed any emotions and didn't understand humour. Apart from the odd outburst he was just quiet, studious but lonely.
Having had an episode at home I printed off the list of character traits, having first removed any names/titles. He ticked the lot!
We went to the GP, discussed it with him and he sent a referral to CAMHS - who sent it straight back saying they needed an educational psychologist referral and wouldn't acccept his. To say he wasn't happy was an understatement; he's a senior GP who is nationally respected!
However ... to the school we went. My son's at a selective grammar in West Yorkshire who were initially hesitant but since then have been great. He had an educational psychologist assessment in July, which the school wanted to do then to cover his GCSE's. The Asperger's diagnosis result has helped the school and him. Then we were back through the (vindicated) GP and off to CAMHS. We're at that point now ... waiting, although we've just completed the initial questionnaire.
He's coming to terms with it and one of his first comments was "it's OK, I'm not strange". He spent a long time, unbeknown to us, reading about Asperger's and did a self-diagnosis test.
As first he didn't want to meet anyone else with Asperger's or Autism. However, a year on from the process starting and he's starting to ask whether he could meet others with Asperger's.
Does this happen at all?
Oh, and thanks for reading my lengthy speil. As a family we're learning but we all need to develop strategies to help him, and he needs to himself. Where we think he also needs help is in developing hobbies/interests where he socialises; currently it's just Minecraft and his cats. Some idea of the type of hobbies which would interest a 14-15 year-old boy with Asperger's would be great!
Hi, my son is 15 and has Asburgers, he sounds very similar to your boy in the mine craft ( and alot of other xbox and p.s.4 games for that matter! ) and the cats a constant companion. He has a small group of friends with different types of autism and finds it very helpful to be able to chat about life without being judged. I would recomend it all the way!
Just adding a Writhlington link...
http://wsbeorchids.org/
Everyone's an individual, so not everyone will like cycling!
Running: I've done this in the past: you don't have to be good to enjoy it. I'd do a few runs yourself, then a first group run is Park Run. They do runs all over the country, but here's a link for Dewsbury:
http://www.parkrun.org.uk/dewsbury/
If you want to work towards a marathon, don't rush into it. Also London is very crowded: I wouldn't recomend it (massivly crowded at the front, then for slow runners like me loads of kid spectators getting in your way demanding high fives). I think the same probably goes for the Great North Run! There are lots of local marathons and halves that are likely to be less crowded. The one I've done is the Neolithic Marathon: might be too far for you, but it's great. Plenty of space, nice scenery, just enough support to give you a boost.
http://www.wiltshirewildlife.org/sarsen-trail
Here's two more hobbies I think are autism friendly:
Church bell ringing: I have a relative did this, who has probable traits. Church bells are actually brittle, and can't be stopped and started suddenly, so take a while to gently build up their swing, and stop at the end of a session. In 'change ringing' the ringers slightly slow or speeds their bell to change the order of the bells. This creates patterns of changes which appealed to my relative's mathematical side. Long patterns, called peals, can take hours to ring. Of course this isn't done every week: my relative rang at our local church, but I have memories from childhood of travelling to local cathedrals when he rang peals there. For me it was interesting to see a part of the church/cathedral that wasn't open to the public (then explore the town while he spent hours ringing!) Involves working in a team (and meeting strangers if you visit other towers), but in a very structured, unpressured way. Probably helps if you are at least slightly religious.
Orchid growing: my hobby! Everyone knows supermarket Phalaenopsis, but in fact there are many more types of orchids, eg catleyas, dendrobiums. Personally I like the weirder stuff like catasetums and bulbophyllums, and nicely scented orchids (Cycnodes Wine Delight and Prosthecea garciana are two of my favorite scents which I've experienced in my home, though the former can be too strong). You don't need a greenhouse: I don't have one. I go to a meeting every month, plus shows. My meeting has talks and a table show. I suspect a fair few of the members have traits. We went on a bus trip recently, and shared the bus with a gardening society. It was funny: when the orchid folks got on we all spread out and sat individually round the bus. Then the gardeners got on and all sat in first available seat starting at the front! Including next to one of our group who later told me she'd been 'trapped'!
A lot of members are older, but you get youngsters too, and there are career oportunities. Besides general horticulture there is a lot of opportunity for science with orchids. There's a school called Writhlington very active in the orchid world. Besides growing orchids they also propogate them (requires sterile lab work in cultivation), do talks at shows and have set up conservation projects in several countries. One of their students won young scientist of the year for an orchid related project. They are down South, but they show how educational orchids can be!
stateofindependence said:Firstly, it sounds like you are doing all the right things, and he is in the best educational environment possible.I also have several friends (undiagnosed but very Aspie) who are into orienteering and long distance running. The school may have after school classes, or maybe these activities are something you could do with him?
Firstly, it sounds like you are doing all the right things, and he is in the best educational environment possible.
I also have several friends (undiagnosed but very Aspie) who are into orienteering and long distance running. The school may have after school classes, or maybe these activities are something you could do with him?
recombinantsocks said:Welcome the forum. Agree wholeheartedly wityh SOI,It can be useful to engage him and encourage him to spend his time on academic stuff - perhaps not directly related to his school studies but perhaps extra curricular things like chess, astronomy or other subjects where his focused enquiring mind might find a rewarding outlet.I found that cycling was a good form of exercise that didn't require great dexterity. Cyclists are often lone figures that aren't particularly social!One thing you can do is to point out positive role models on TV - most of the TV detectives are somewhere down the spectrum. They are often lonely enigmatic and clever and interesting without being too weird. Doc Martin is perhaps a bit too weird for some tastes but is clearly and deliberately modeled on Asperger's.
Welcome the forum. Agree wholeheartedly wityh SOI,
It can be useful to engage him and encourage him to spend his time on academic stuff - perhaps not directly related to his school studies but perhaps extra curricular things like chess, astronomy or other subjects where his focused enquiring mind might find a rewarding outlet.
I found that cycling was a good form of exercise that didn't require great dexterity. Cyclists are often lone figures that aren't particularly social!
One thing you can do is to point out positive role models on TV - most of the TV detectives are somewhere down the spectrum. They are often lonely enigmatic and clever and interesting without being too weird. Doc Martin is perhaps a bit too weird for some tastes but is clearly and deliberately modeled on Asperger's.
Thanks for the positive comments. We suggested orienteering and will have a go at a 'taster' session. I forgot to mention he's in his school chess club.
With cycling it's a difficult one; both myself and his younger brother compete as cyclists. He thinks we're mad - and doesn't like riding with us as he can't keep up with his 10yo brother. However ... I suggested getting him to work with his brother to analyse his stats/riding position/etc. as I struggle to. His coaches don't look much at this aspect and it seemed to go down well so we'll give it a try.
Doc Martin will be on our list; he's watched it this evening anyway.
I think it's normal for him to want to meet other people like him. It would also be normal to want to avoid this! There is very little that is standard and predictable about us! We also have paradoxical things like an intense wish to be social alongside an intense aversion to actually socialising.
He is not the first person to mention minecraft!...
community.autism.org.uk/.../minecraft
If he spends a lot of time in sedentary actitivities, I would try to encourage some kind of fitness regime, perhaps a martial art, weight training, or yoga. All would help build confidence as well as improve physical health.