Existing

For me, a regular job no longer cut the mustard. I was fortunate, however, to sell my family's home and land; my brother and I now operate ourselves autonomously.

The Problem stems with School. It never teaches you vital skills, or know-how. It's just rote memory, and fitting into a narrative. Creating a fals sense of 'Working Class Pride' designed to keep us poor and unhealthy.

Thank you for the kind words, and I will take solace from your comments.

My largest problem is an almost crippling lack of self-confidence and self-esteem which makes any failure in my part, no matter how minor, feel like an insurmountable obstacle that defines my entire character and worth.

With regards to your recent question about the lack of ambition to BE something, I also fully understand that. I've had many problems since ending school with the realisation that I have little to no desire to actually achieve something or become something within the career world or the workplace. I have little to no desire to get a job, especially one that would require. a lot of effort or work, no matter how well paid. I genuinely understand the desire for just a basic career or job that allows you to get through life without confirming to too many expectations.

My entire ambitions and desire revolves around my wish to have a family of my own, a loving wife and a few children, but given my unemployment, social awkwardness and low self esteem, that desire is unlikely to come true. But I hope to persevere and succeed one day, it is the one thing that keeps me going, even a tiny bit.

Sorry just another thought off the back of this - is it ok to not have ambitions to BE something?

I’ve never had the desire to have a career or to become something but I think I’ve always felt that I SHOULD want those things because that’s what people do? 
Perhaps that’s why I never see any studying through to the end - because I simply don’t want it enough. 
Has anyone else had to accept going against expectations to have a career or “better” job and simply accept that you just want a basic job you find manageable? I fear if I do finally accept this, I’ll be met with negativity and disappointment.

Hi, thank you for sharing. I’m sorry that you feel that sense of floating around, it’s not a good feeling but it’s good to know I’m not alone in that.
Everyone around me seems to be so capable and what’s worse they expect the same from me (after a life of masking, NT people assume I am the same as them) so I feel like I’m constantly trying to meet that expectation and burning myself out in the process. 

I don’t think you should fear failing, if you did want to try something and it didn’t work out I think that’s more of a learning what isn’t ok for you rather than a failing.  
Dont worry about offering advice, knowing that someone can relate to my situation is enough, so thank you! I hope that you can take the same solace from this.

Hi Oscar, thank you for sharing! 
it was nice to read that you understand what I’m saying and that you too have only had jobs that last around 3 years- that seems to be my breaking point too. I’m sorry to hear you also struggle with mental health and burn out. 
i do think thats part of the problem for me too, i am worn out with acting like my NT peers and there comes a point where i can no longer do this.

i have been trying to fill my free time with things i enjoy, so that my day to day doesn’t just feel like work, eat, sleep etc, and trying to stay positive.

I have been thinking about something more practical and more in line with my interests, and you saying you may well have done the same if you had to do it all again is encouraging, thank you.

Hi Lago, thank you for sharing! I agree I think knowing is better than not, and I am hoping I will have answers soon. I’m sorry you had some negative feelings come up post diagnosis, but I am glad you are looking to the future with positivity! 
I do think the key is structure and a supportive environment if I am to pursue something new but I feel I’ve not found that for myself yet in the world of employment, maybe after diagnosis I can find this support. Thanks again!

Hello and welcome, I'm new here as well so I don't know how much help I'll be. 

I'm 27 and undiagnosed, but am likely neurodivergent in some ways as well. With regards to your situation and your questions, I recognise the feelings and experiences having experienced similar situations myself. I've never actually worked a job, never reaching that stage, and have been on Universal Credit since I finished school. 

Every time I talk about doing something to better my situation, it usually falls through right as I reach the stage where I should begin doing something, because doing it feels too difficult and I feel like I will fail at it anyway so why bother. I fully understand the feeling of just floating around attempting to function, and living day to day unsure of how to do what you're 'supposed to'.

With regards to advice, I'm not sure how much help I'll be given that I am struggling with that myself. I wouldn't feel comfortable offering advice that'll probably end up making things worse for you in someway or another, so I'll just say that using this forum and asking the question is probably the best way to start.

Hi and welcome, 

Yes, I can understand what you are talking about. Although in my 70s, I have never had a job that lasted more than 3 years, and that is quite a lot of jobs. There were longish periods of downtime with mental health issues/burn out. 

For me, and with regard to my recent autism diagnosis, I think I just simply got worn out by jobs after a couple of years. Working with primarily NT but also ND people was the major factor. My most enjoyable and satisfying jobs were in small teams of 2-3. Of course, there were positives as my non-work time was generally my own to use on hobbies, gardening, cooking, etc. These have been the quality parts of my life since I can remember. Time to be inventive, creative, and thrive. 

If I had to do it all again but with the insight of an autism assessment, I would have probably looked for jobs that were more creative/practical and potentially more rewarding. I might even do it all the same but with the knowledge that a leaving a job is a necessary safety valve, is very OK, and should be done sooner than in extreme circumstances.

Hi Loz,

I'm 69, diagnosed a couple of months ago, and suspected I was autistic for three or four years.  Now retired (early) after having had nine jobs over the years in the electronics world.  Looking back, I realise I was paddling as fast as I could but never really fitting in, even in the military, which might have worked for some autistics, as there was little decision-making required of me.  Later, at 56, I got a Master's degree in a social science and intended to change direction, but early retirement beckoned two years later.

So, in your case, you do at least think you have an issue (unlike me, all I thought was that I was different/weird and never really fit in with the herd), so you can pursue a diagnosis and work on life from there.  Knowing, I believe, is far better than not, although the diagnosis did unleash some unexpected negative feelings for me.  But now I am moving on and looking forward to whatever life has for me.  Boredom is usually solved by challenging oneself with a task, project, or coursework that is a stretch to achieve.  Equally, pushing too hard without structure and in an environment that is not supportive can be harmful.  So, be kind to yourself whilst this part of your life is resolved.  And remember that there are a lot of people here that have had similar experiences to you that are happy to share/advise.