Existing

Hi, 

I just put a few slow stitching examples on the creative thread - should you want to see. 

Wow that all sounds interesting! Slow stitching sounds great and like something I would enjoy I will definitely be looking into this. Thanks so much for bringing it to my attention

I love this attitude! Thanks for the inspo

I don't mind sharing, at all. 

This week, having seen it on YouTube, I am having a go at Islamic Geometric Patterns. It is all done with only a pencil, straight edge and compasses. So no awkward measuring. Sadly, my eyes are no longer up to accuracy required. Actually I was supposed to be painting model railway engines and coaches!   
My favourite go to hobby is slow stitching, particularly making Japanese Rice Bags (komebukuro). The pattern is simple and the bags be any size and much scope for using scraps of fabric and adding decorative applique and stitching.  

It's OK to want to be modest in material possessions as long as you are having a meaningful life. When people ask me or rather tell me that I ought to want material possessions and status symbols I've started asking them why? They don't like it as they see it as challenging the things they see as important and like I'm negating them rather than saying I don't need those things. It's caused quite a few arguments and some hostility, which often ends with me asking whats the point of being the richest person in the graveyard and walking away.

Hi! That’s interesting that you find the learning process the rewarding part, I suppose that’s the same for me and may also explain why I move around different jobs. It’s great to discuss these things because I sometimes fail to notice them in myself otherwise. 
My main interest is reading, but in terms of making things I am currently into embroidery and find that to be calming and distracting as you described. Are you currently making something in particular? if you don’t mind sharing

I struggle greatly with the social activities that many people do, particularly when it comes to initiating conversations and meeting new people, but I feel that I need to. 

For a few years my lack of a social life was mostly a result of my own choices and decisions, but I wish to change that.

Thank you for the offer to drop a message if I wish to chat, I may take you up on that at some point hopefully.

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head, I worry about people’s opinions or what they might say but it rarely turns out to be as bad as I imagine in my head. It’s remembering that at times of low confidence that’s the trick! 
you’re also right about that who’s to even say what constitutes as being better anyway? I’m not someone driven by money I only need enough to maintain the life I enjoy which is nothing glamorous 

You’re right it’s not mandatory, thanks for the reminder! It’s so hard to remember that with society’s pressures all around us. 
im glad you got your diagnosis and feel it has helped you somewhat in figuring things out. 
haha I’m with you on that

The confidence came after many years struggle ending with me thinking F it, if they're going to hate me then they can hate the real me and finding that most of them didn't hate me as much or disaprove of me as much as I thought they would. Obviously people still hurt me with their opinions and actions, I'm not immune to lifes slings and arrows, but, I've allowed myself to start not caring if somebody thinks they're better than me because they have a bigger car or house and go on expensive holidays, they're mearly richer than me not better.

Hi Loz12, 

Thank you for your reply; its always meaningful to get feedback.

Whilst I do play a few PC games, cook, etc. it has generally been the making of things that I have found to be more absorbing, distracting, calming and restful. This started when I was an infant.
When I become reasonably proficient I end up changing the hobby. I have come to realise that it is the challenge/focus/intensity of the learning process that is so absorbing, distracting, calming and restful. I have just noticed, that what I have described could also apply to my employment record. Mmmm!

If it isn't too intrusive, what are interests?

Yes, definitely OK to be whatever you want to be.  Being driven to 'achieve' or climb the greasy pole is not mandatory.  Looking back, I chased promotion, and when I got it, and later when I ran my own business with employees, I was not happy.  As a technician, I realised that problem-solving the kit was where I should have stayed; people are far too unpredictable!

I'm 69 and retired and still trying to figure out who I am.  Getting diagnosed has answered a big chunk of that, and I am grateful for the knowledge.  Now, if only I could make more sense of the world!  

Hi, thank you for your inspirational words! I particularly like the analogy of the measuring stick - maybe my stick is different and maybe that’s ok. I also like the idea of not having to be a human doing, that’s great! 
I hope to have your attitude of living authentically without care for people’s opinions, but I am not quite there yet - I need to build some self confidence. Thanks again.

Hi Alexa, thank you for sharing! I think I need to figure out my “what matters to me most” and trying not to worry about how that will be perceived. Hopefully then I too can find something that’s a good fit for me.

I know what you mean about loneliness, I have felt this too in terms of not feeling like i fit in and not having friends. That’s great that you are trying to get out more, I don’t really have a social life myself but that’s out of choice really as I don’t enjoy a lot of the usual social activities people do. But like you, I am trying to connect with people online hence me being here. If you ever want to chat, drop me a message!

Yes it is OK, I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up and I'm 64.

I totally get the pressure to want to BE something and somebody when you really don't, its not easy, but stick to it, people will try and beat you with their measuring sticks because you feel happy measuring yourself using a different stick or not measuring yourself at all, but just happy being a human being not a human doing.

I've had a career tangent rather than a path, partly I suspect because when I was a young woman, we where expected to have a job and to work to live, over the course of the 1980's, we were encouraged and told we had to live to work. You will be met by hostility and negativity and only you can decide if it's worth it, for me it is, I'd rather be authentically myself, whislt experiencing negativity than trying to contort myself into someone elses idea of what I ought to be and getting negatitivity because I'm not very good at it.

I joined the civil service when I was in my teens. It was an accidental thing - I didn't have any idea of a career or what I wanted to do. I worked for a big department and found I liked the work I had to do. Even better, becaue the department was big, I could move from job to job and even from place to place. I don't think I was ever in one job or one place for more than about 4 years, but still worked for the same employer. It meant I lost a couple of promotions because often that seemed to be something that happened by staying somewhere long enough for the senior managers to get to know me. What mattered more to me was doing something I enjoyed and being able to find something else when I got bored.And the really important thing to me was that the civil service had written rules, both general rules for employees and for how each job was done. It didn't prevent some managers from being difficult, but as either I moved on or they did, that never lasted long enough to become really awful.

Thank you for the sympathetic words and for the hopeful tone.

I've struggled greatly with loneliness and isolation, particularly since finishing school and having little to do, but I am trying to get out of the house a lot more now, and to talk with people, which is why I've started using this forum. 

And yeah, I fully understand the 'What do you do?' question, I've never been asked it personally, but that's more because I don't interact with people that often than anything. But I've often felt the pressure to get a job just because of that question, because it's the first question anyone really asks you.

With regards to relationships and friends, I hope to use this forum to stabilise myself and make friends, that will then allow me to make friends offline and hopefully get to a better position in life.

Hi DafyddKear, 

I too have struggled with low self esteem and still battle with low confidence at times and in certain situations particularly, so I am sorry you feel that too it’s really difficult to overcome.
it’s nice again to see you say you understand me. I don’t know anyone else in my day to day life that shares this lack of desire to do more. But yes I would love to just have a basic job that I’m interested in somewhat and pays my bills.

I want my job to be part of my life not for it to define who I am, but it’s hard to accept that in a society where most meetings with new people start with “and what do you do” why’s that so important? I feel I am more than a job title.
it’s great that you have an ambition to meet someone and have your own family, and I don’t think it’s so unlikely to happen for you. I have a partner and I’m very grateful and somewhat surprised that I was able to meet someone, but it did happen! The relationship I struggle with is friendships, but I hope to make some online friends here if I can. 

It sounds like a good situation you’re in, being able to forgo a regular job.

I agree with that, I feel like I performed well academically at school but as soon as it was over, I was thrown out into the world with no clue. I think I’ve been in shock ever since actually.

I also agree with the working class pride thing, I think I’m victim to that sentiment and that’s what makes me feel like a disappointment for wanting something simpler and “lesser”