I despair about my pointless adulthood

Some people aren’t able to be as open as you are being and communicate these complex feelings. It’s good that you’re able to articulate how you feel. It can be the first step to greater understanding and awareness and working your way through this difficult period in your life. 

yes I think sharing my feelings is the only use I have in this world 

yes I have pushed myself out of my zone many times but it's not gone anywhere, I always end up back where I started, I've resigned myself to this life

Thats very sad. The state of mental health help is poor here. I will pray for you to get help - keep trying! Never give up, you are worth it. Is there another way? there's nothing wrong in feeling despair - it can be healthy to stop us wanting something we clearly can't have. But it does not end there. There is always another way - try to be open to where you can get assistance and should you sink into despair don't forget there are various crisis lines which can help you. Talking to others is a start - you are doing well to open up here. Try to do what you can for your own mental health - even a good counsellor is not a qucik fix. I will pray for you 

Hi - I just wanted to say hello and say how sorry I am that you are feeling like this. I think a lot of us have times when these sorts of feelings and thoughts are very difficult to deal with. You are not worthless, but yes: society can be cruel and make us feel like we are. I was lucky to meet my partner when I was younger - had we not found each other both of us would most likely have been very lonely people. I find so many aspects of life so difficult, and that especially includes dealing with people. So I empathise. There are no easy answers sadly. However you only have this life and even though it might not feel like it sometimes life is precious. What’s helped me is mindfulness (which I’ve learned from the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh/Plum Village). It takes practice but in my experience it definitely helps. Focusing on the present moment and the small pleasures of day to day life, not dwelling on the past or looking far into the future - it can help us to ruminate less. 30 is actually quite young! So that’s a good thing! I do know how it feels to feel that life is pointless - I’ve felt that myself many times. It’s hard to feel that way. In some ways there is no point to life! But there is pleasure to be found if you try to find it in the little things of day to day life. Thanks for sharing on here - because as a community knowing we are not alone in our struggles is a great help to us all.

It can often feel like an existence rather than a life. I have no joy, I just drift along desperately hoping for better days.

I would have to seriously push myself out of my comfort zone without any guarantee of improving things, I could say I'm stuck stuck in a rut, it feels more like I'm stuck in a deep well with the light far above me.

I think I need to find some sort of activity or group to broaden my horizons.

It has as much, or as little, point as you want it to.

You get out of something what you put into it.

The more effort, the more reward.

You are in charge of your own destiny. Feel empowered.

Don't compare yourself or life to others. They often are not doing as well as it looks from the outside, and you probably wouldn't enjoy their life if you had it.

So think about what you like, but also consider ways to interact with others or how to share your knowledge or experience.

Remember to give. It is giving, time, knowledge, money, emotional support, friendship, etc. that gives purpose and connection.

thank you for replying, yes the struggle for help is awful, I'm glad dogs bring you joy, I'm like that with collecting and organising information, sometimes it's the only joy I have

thank you for replying, the despair is a PTSD that visits me every day and I can't escape it, the NHS doesn't care about my autistic PTSD, every pathway refuses me MH support unfortunately

thank you for sharing, I'm glad my post is useful to people 

Hello

I too cry at why I am here why I am born 

I have mental health very understanding Dr-

bit still the same and everything to get help is a battle.

Only thing that being me some joy is any dog!

i'm so sorry to hear this! Maybe try make your own milestones? rather than depend on those made for you - so what if you don't graduate. I did and it's got me a sum total of nowhere. What about milestones like, got out of bed today, had a walk, connected with someone online, I don't know maybe things more pertinent to you. Perhaps you set goals that are too high for yourself. Remember neurotypical people appear happy and balanced but like everyone else they feel alone sometimes, suffer depression, get confused etc. try not to see the grass as greener for everyone else.... instead if your special interests are not working take some rest or get new ones. 

I'll pray for you! 

Hey I feel the exact same way , im not exaggerating either im so happy yet sad you post this , sad because your sad but happy to know we are not alone in this experience.

Im 23 though but I've been living alone for 7 years now so I feel as i can't relate to people my age usually in that department.

I  feel useless, I have insomniac, and bpd aswell as autism,and elhers danlos and kindly stones and health problems.

I have no friends i have a reltionship but i feel like im very lucky to have one.

I look at my neighbours having white picket fence life's and think i could never have kids or baby and stuff I mean I don't want to but I'm jealous that they have the option mentally capable.

I was going to pass biology my mock exams consistently showing grade B or equivalent, and i failed as soon as I did tests I panicking under time and got a D.

I still like my special interests but I have this feeling that I shouldn't enjoy myself and need to do something with my life pressure or I'm doomed, or my contamination ocd takes over for whole day or I find chores to do to punish myself for not being functional or perfect, this burns me out and even seeing my mum once a month is really hard she's very full on neurotypical,and going outside for 2 hours to talk to someone who isn't autstic burns me out somtimes I don't eat or drink properly whole day unless my chores are done cause its not good enough I need to be better.

The one that gets to me is that even other autstic people in groups have just not really bothered with me I feel excluded makes me feel like a right freakshow if my own people don't even like me.

I didn't mean to go on about myself I just thought we could relate and I don't mind if you wanted to message me to talk further.

thank you

yes neurotypicals have denied me many milestones unfortunately

I know it’s such a hard thing but all I can say is just ride the wave and do what makes you happy to help those difficult times be less difficult at least x 

Dear lonelyautie,

Thank you for posting and telling the community what you are going through. We are

sorry to hear that you are currently experiencing. Many people have

similar thoughts when coping with so much and we hope you’re okay.

If you are unable to cope with the distress or despair, it’s very important to tell someone

about your feelings. Call your GP and make an urgent

appointment. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support

The National Autistic Society does not currently operate a crisis or emergency service.

We advise you to contact 999 or any of the mental health crisis lines listed on our Urgent

Help Page if you are at risk of immediate harm: www.autism.org.uk/what-we-

do/help-and-support/urgent-help

If you are not at immediate risk of harm, we would encourage you to speak to your GP

or another health professional about this if you haven’t done so already. If it’s outside

your GP hours call 111 to reach the NHS 111 service. In in England, Wales and Scotland

there is now an option to speak with mental health professionals by selecting ‘option 2’

when calling NHS 111: www.nhs.uk/.../urgent-and-emergency-care-

services/when-to-use-111/

You may also find the following useful:

Help for anyone struggling to cope

• Samaritans: Call 116 123 for free, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

• Mind Infoline: 0300 1233393 for information and signposting (9am to 6pm,

Monday to Friday)

• SANEline: 0300 304 7000 for anyone experiencing a mental health problem or

supporting someone else (4.30pm to 10.30pm, every day)

• Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM): for men 0800 58 58 58, (5pm to

midnight every day).

• Shout 85258: a free, confidential, 24/7 text messaging support service for anyone

struggling to cope.

We hope this is helpful to you.

Kind regards,

Anna Mod

Your not alone because I've had pretty much the same too.

I've managed to hit milestones of buying a house and getting married but,

she's divorcing me  and I'm selling my house. Now living with my parents at 35 years old. I'm telling you this because I'm recently diagnosed as autistic and I believe its not the autism that's the problem. It's the fact that we are expected to adapt for people that aren't prepared to stick with us.

My point is ... We can't control milestones or others but we can make our lives more comfortable.

Im learning quantam physics equations, people without my differences would be in a self destructive state maybe? We're blessed as well remember that even though I'm a newbie.

You are very much not alone in that regard.

thank you for the reply, at least I'm not alone in my experiences