I'm a burned out adult. I have been marginalized and excluded for 15 years since society's demands became incompatible with my autism. I can't get justice from any of the systems that failed and harmed me. I failed A Levels and can't function like a normal adult. I have no help and suffer alone. I'm crying as I write this. The alienation is unbearable. Being misunderstood by everyone, especially malignant misunderstandings, tortures me.
School and CAMHS 11 years ago, NHS, autistic spaces have all marginalized me and it crushes me. Life is meaningless no matter how hard I try to make it meaningful. Being an excluded alien makes everything I do futile and meaningless. I'm bored of special interests, hobbies, hyperfixations, knowing that it's all to pass the time until my old age. I feel trapped on a planet I don't belong to.
Society relentlessly treats me like I'm worthless, invisible and disposable. Watching neurotypicals have meaningful lives is isolating. They have a beautiful structure to life that I crave. When I try to get anything for myself, the system pushes me away. I'll never know what graduation or other milestones feel like.
I'm forced to constantly wonder the point of it all. If I could cure my alienation with logic and practical things, I would've done it by now. I've tried everything. I'm so deeply tired of this life. I'm approaching 30 and I am going more and more crazy from the pointlessness.
