Hello to you from me

Hi, thought I would try to introduce myself. I am recently diagnosed autistic and adhd at 50yrs old. Joined here to speak to fellow ND people and find some community. I am trying to learn to navigate this world and find out how to advocate for myself since being given a massive piece of the puzzle that’s been missing my whole life. I am finding society harder than ever to manage.

I am quite solitary nowadays and enjoy a peaceful existence, finding most comfort in nature and under a tree canopy. 
Life has been a constant struggle and while growing up I found lots of quite unhealthy coping mechanism's to deal with what I now know was undiagnosed autism and ADHD. Thankfully today I don’t turn to them as been in recovery for around 10 years. 

Recently really struggling with being misunderstood and I have found myself in conflict with people while trying to stand up for myself and not be bullied. It’s really hard to advocate for yourself when having a meltdown I now know. I hope someone can relate. Experience welcomed. 

  • Hi Sparkey077 and welcome aboard. I'm in my 50's myself, come close to accepting that I am Autistic, though I do not have a forrnal diagnosis like yourself. I can't even begin to think about such a process, being a bit of fearful of those kind of things. I can understand some of what you are talking about, often being misunderstood and feeling like you are the odd one out. Conflict is often a feature when you are on the supposed wrong side of the argument most of the time, I hate injustice and I guess probably like most people here have a strong sense of fairplay...another reason for more conflict, as a lot of folks won't raise their heads above the parapet. Wishing you all the best...

  • It depends on what appeals to you as there are loads of different types of video games.

    There are some based on traditional board games - I have Cluedo and a chess one called Pure Chess - with these you can play against the AI and don't need good coordination. There are others that are puzzle games or have hidden objects to find.

    Simulation games take a real life situation and make it into a game, such as running a zoo or flying a plane. I often play Sims 4 which is a life simulation where you create a character called a sim and control what they do - moving house, getting a job, finding a partner, etc, and you can also build houses and decorate them - the character playing is fairly simple but the build mode takes a bit of getting used to, however there are pre made houses you can use to begin with.

    Role playing games (RPGs) are great fun - my all time favourites are Fallout 4, Assassin's creed Odyssey, Assassins creed Valhalla, Assassins Creed Origins, and Hogwarts Legacy. I play them all on the easy setting and the assassins creed ones have fighting with swords so you don't need to aim a weapon, and Hogwarts Legacy has wands of course. Fallout 4 uses guns but has a brilliant system called VATS (Vault Tec assisted targeting system) to lock the weapon onto an enemy. 

    I generally don't play first person shooter (FPS) games as my aiming is rubbish, although I've just bought the three BioShock games in a sale and I think there is some aim assist but I haven't got around to playing it yet, so fingers crossed!

    I play on an Xbox - I have tried PC gaming but much prefer a console personally and I find the Xbox controller quite easy to use. 

  • Hi, I'm early 50s and diagnosed a couple of years ago (also my other half will be 10 yrs in recovery this year too!).  I would say that if you're having a meltdown, you need to deal with that as your number 1 priority by getting somewhere you feel safe, that's not the time to advocate for anything. 

    What might help is if, at a different time, you can let people around you know what you might need in that situation, appreciate you may not know that, for me I mostly want to be left alone.

    The conflict stuff I really struggle with, I tend to over-analyse and over-think stuff multiple times as I'm so worried about creating conflict and want the best outcome for everyone.  So the courses Iain suggests might help, although I find some courses are very NT oriented.  What I am starting to do is re-evaluate whether it is worth the effort trying to explain to someone or if it is better to say 'whatever' and walk away, putting that into practice is more tricky if I feel a sense of injustice!

  • You're most welcome.

    the NHS are so backed up and under resourced that it feels pointless askin

    I understand why you feel that way, given all the "doom and gloom" messaging that we so often come across from politicians, the media, etc. But I'd still encourage you to go ahead with this, if you feel that you're ready.

    According to the latest data (as at 13 Feb 2025), 91.6% of people were able to access NHS Talking Therapies within just six weeks of referral. You also don't need to go through your GP in order to arrange this, by the way - self referrals are also accepted. More information: 

    NHS - Talking Therapies

  • Thank you  that is most kind of you and thank you for the reply. 

  • Hi  thank you for the message and the links. I will check them out. I do feel some therapy will be helpful now but the costs are a bit prohibitive for me currently and the NHS are so backed up and under resourced that it feels pointless asking. This all sounds so negative, but actually it’s been so good to get the diagnosis, as it’s given me a new understanding that has been missing my whole life. 

  • Thank you  this is really helpful. I am hoping I don’t have to be so formal as it was in a social context but no less stressful.

  • Recently really struggling with being misunderstood and I have found myself in conflict with people while trying to stand up for myself and not be bullied.

    Hello Ian, I'm a few years older and been diagnosed for 4 years now.

    I understand what you mean here - I found that doing an assertiveness training course which had lots of roleplay really helped me get to grips with it.

    I find I script when getting into these situations and if I find people are chellenging me on things which are clearly autism related then I will shut them down hard with a script on how they are at risk of discriminating against a disabled person. They need to stop, think carefully as I really don't want to lodge a complaint for discrimination or harrassment.

    I have practiced this using various levels of firmness and aggresion a how I deliver it very much depends on how stubborn the audience feels, plus who else is present. I deal with a lot of building trades people who are clueless so I sometimes need to point out there is a law they are about to break and I will beat them with it to the point they are broke and destiture - to some it is the only way to get through.

    For others who are well meaning but clueless it is a much milder speech but still firm as iron that they are not equipped to deal with the disability I have so please back down.

    Then there are cases where the person is just trying to win their point at any cost but is smart enough to avoid the points of law that can be leveraged - these I tend to just walk away from as the cost of dealing with them simply isn't worth it. I do make the odd exception and bring witnesses to make them reconsider their position and of course record the interaction so I can catch them in their discrimination and tell them they will be hearing from my lawyer.

    I don't do this but they don't know it - it is just payback for being such an pain.

    Having the skills to know what is a reasonable position to take, draw your composure together to give an imotive statement of what you are standing up for and being able to quote various things such as discrimination laws with a cold tone were the best tools I learned from it for such situaions as you describe.

  • Hi - congratulations on your diagnoses and welcome to the community! Slight smile

    In respect of autism, you might find the resources here helpful:

    NAS - After diagnosis

    I'd encourage you to give yourself plenty of time and breathing space to process and absorb everything that you've been through, and let your feelings settle down. For me, as for many others here, my diagnosis turned out to be much more of the start of a new journey, rather than a conclusion full of instant solutions for my various difficulties. 

    Therapy is often recommended after a diagnosis as a follow up action for your GP to arrange. You might find it helpful to borrow or buy this book, which includes discussion of various types of therapy and counselling, together with advice on choosing the right therapist or counsellor - all from an autistic person's viewpoint. Several of us here have found it very helpful, myself included:

    The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy

  • Hi Sparkey welcome, great to have you here with us. I'm in my late 20s now and have felt misunderstood and alone so many times before but never here. This is a nice community full of good people who really understand. I hope you feel understood and accepted here.

  • Hi  thanks for the message. Great to meet you. Seems there are a lot of us that have only recently found we are ASD. It’s like it’s all fitting into place finally and it’s all making a bit more sense…

  • Hello Sparkey Welcome to our community! hope you enjoy being with us and find the forum useful. I am in my 60s and was diagnosed only two months ago. Most people here are late diagnosed.

  • Hi and thanks for your reply. It’s helped just to read this if I am honest as I have felt quite isolated, so thank you. Much appreciated. 

  • Hi Lotus, thanks for the reply and good to meet you. Can you recommend any video games? I am a total newbie but want to give it a go. My coordination is rubbish so it needs to be simple!

  • Hi and welcome to the forum. I'm a woman in my sixties and retired, and I enjoy reading and playing video games. Hope you find this forum useful.

  • Hi! Good to have you here!

    I’m fairly young so I might not be the best person for giving advice based on life experience, but just know that you’re not alone. Being misunderstood is a quite common struggle within this community, but to realise and accept that it isn’t as easy for oneself to communicate in certain situations is actually a great step. It allows you to maybe not judge yourself too harshly. It takes a certain open mindedness of the people around you for you to be able to educate them about your struggles and if they aren’t ready for that… well, that’s not your fault. 
    I know, this does not make it any easier. Just know you’re doing great by being here. Hope you find lots of support through sharing your struggles!