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Hello to you from me

Sparkey077

Hi, thought I would try to introduce myself. I am recently diagnosed autistic and adhd at 50yrs old. Joined here to speak to fellow ND people and find some community. I am trying to learn to navigate this world and find out how to advocate for myself since being given a massive piece of the puzzle that’s been missing my whole life. I am finding society harder than ever to manage.

I am quite solitary nowadays and enjoy a peaceful existence, finding most comfort in nature and under a tree canopy. 
Life has been a constant struggle and while growing up I found lots of quite unhealthy coping mechanism's to deal with what I now know was undiagnosed autism and ADHD. Thankfully today I don’t turn to them as been in recovery for around 10 years. 

Recently really struggling with being misunderstood and I have found myself in conflict with people while trying to stand up for myself and not be bullied. It’s really hard to advocate for yourself when having a meltdown I now know. I hope someone can relate. Experience welcomed. 

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  • Sparkey077 said:
    Recently really struggling with being misunderstood and I have found myself in conflict with people while trying to stand up for myself and not be bullied.

    Hello Ian, I'm a few years older and been diagnosed for 4 years now.

    I understand what you mean here - I found that doing an assertiveness training course which had lots of roleplay really helped me get to grips with it.

    I find I script when getting into these situations and if I find people are chellenging me on things which are clearly autism related then I will shut them down hard with a script on how they are at risk of discriminating against a disabled person. They need to stop, think carefully as I really don't want to lodge a complaint for discrimination or harrassment.

    I have practiced this using various levels of firmness and aggresion a how I deliver it very much depends on how stubborn the audience feels, plus who else is present. I deal with a lot of building trades people who are clueless so I sometimes need to point out there is a law they are about to break and I will beat them with it to the point they are broke and destiture - to some it is the only way to get through.

    For others who are well meaning but clueless it is a much milder speech but still firm as iron that they are not equipped to deal with the disability I have so please back down.

    Then there are cases where the person is just trying to win their point at any cost but is smart enough to avoid the points of law that can be leveraged - these I tend to just walk away from as the cost of dealing with them simply isn't worth it. I do make the odd exception and bring witnesses to make them reconsider their position and of course record the interaction so I can catch them in their discrimination and tell them they will be hearing from my lawyer.

    I don't do this but they don't know it - it is just payback for being such an pain.

    Having the skills to know what is a reasonable position to take, draw your composure together to give an imotive statement of what you are standing up for and being able to quote various things such as discrimination laws with a cold tone were the best tools I learned from it for such situaions as you describe.

  • in reply to Iain

    Thank you  this is really helpful. I am hoping I don’t have to be so formal as it was in a social context but no less stressful.

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