Looking for friends

Hey, thank you <3 I hope you are finding ways to cope with depression and neurodiversity.

I’m sorry for the late reply! A nasty flu-like thing has knocked me out for quite a while. The first week was pure torture - just lying in bed, unable to sleep, eat, or move. Then the second week, it turned into a bad cold. After that, as I started recovering, I had to catch up on life - grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning - and I completely forgot about the online world.

This pretty much sums up what kind of online friend I’d be - ADHD at full throttle, with my focus jumping all over the place, easily distracted, and chasing excitement wherever it leads. That said, if you're on Facebook, we could connect there! I love seeing what people share - it’s like a window into their world, and you can learn so much from it.

Hi I am not close to where you live but we can be online friends if you want. I also have ASD and ADHD. Major depression reoccurring, it's easy to isolate but I also would like more like minded people in my life 

Exactly  low maintenance asd, but still asd

I love the lake from you photo! Definitely would go there with you and coffee for walk 

You see? I think if we lived closer to eachother, we'd likely click just fine (autistic way, but still) - im sensing a similar vibe even from this story you've just described and the picture of the lake where you can go for a walk with a takeaway ccffee.

Online communities are not quite the same as real interaction. It's like when kids take some sand, mix with water, and pretend they serve you a soup or when they grab a spoon, and pretend they're a doctor giving you injection. Especially for autistic people writing is often easier than talking. But even neuro typicals - I heard stories that people had good connection online, but then met and had nothing to talk about. So looks like sometimes online communities can do more damage than good.

I'm sick with a bad cold, so I'm planning to spend all day in bed. But just yesterday morning the plan was to buy a caramel coffee and walk around my fav lake. I'll do it next week

It’s complicated, what I observe here in Germany within the online community to me sounds like: there are already too many people diagnosed with autism and generally quite much hate towards everyone and yes this miserable feelings too. I went through this long before knowing I might be autistic and don’t wanna go back. Just decided to appreciate what I have and try to work or figure out what else can be done to improve. I love walks with a coffee to take away here I have many beautiful places to look at so I can just stand and watch and sometimes talk when there is some meaningful topic. 

Soft and fluffy clothes do the job too

Sorry you're so far away, hopefully some people there realise that there are people who want to get together, not because they're miserable or desperate, but because they get bored, drained or annoyed with neuro typicals, but still want to have some social life.

Yes

I would love to! But I’m far away in Germany. Just wanted to let you know, this is exactly what I need and would be happy to do! And I also do same - earplugs, sunglasses and fresh air on my face!

Dear mica,

Thank you for sharing your experiences, and it is lovely to see so much support and advice from others in the community.

In addition to the great advice, links and other sources already posted, you want to visit the Socialising and Relationships page on the NAS website for more guidance on dealing with loneliness and making friends:

-https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/family-life-and-relationships

You may also want to read this blog post where Ella Tabb, shares her story about being diagnosed with both ADHD and Autism as an adult, how her conditions affect her own social life, and her journey of unmasking and self-understanding:

-https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/professional-practice/autism-adhd.

Hopefully, it would feel liberating to read about how someone else responded to a similar situation as yours as an autistic and ADHD person.

Please reach out to us if you would like any more guidance and support with anything.

Kind regards,

Good_Vibes365

Yes, so I'm not looking for a blind dates or paying for anyone's travel cost or anything. There are more people in this world than just one, and if a few people wants to meet up and do something nice I'd be up for that. There's nothing abnormal or dangerous in meeting groups in public places. What is dangerous is sharing personal details with strangers, meeting with someone in a remote location, sending strangers money. I may be autistic but I refuse living as if I was surrounded by psychopats only. Everybody has to have some rational thinking and reasoning to be able to judge if a situation is safe or not. Otherwise the only thing we should be doing is staying home alone and then complaining about loneliness and isolation.

As for the groups you've suggested, or volunteering, this is for sure a good idea. It's just not always people understand neuro diversity, you know. When I hear small talk or when someone asks me why I don't smile, I want to say something pretty straightforward which then would be considered rude, but instead I just leave. Can't stand this fake politeness and shalowness. But I attended some hobby circles in the past and I may need to try that again. As for volunteering, I'm not sure I won't to interact with people that much or that often. Just from time to time in some open space will do. But thank you for all the suggestions, they are definitely good and make sense.

Hi, thank you. I've come across a few groups, but most of the discussions were about diagnoses and complaints about sensitivity to light or noise. That is not really my thing. Everyone has their struggles, but we can either focus on them all the time or do what most people do, like go out for a meal, take a walk, or talk about things we are learning or working toward. So far, I havenn't found neurodivergent people who just want to do something normal or have everyday conversations.

Yes, I get that. Pen pal is not the same I think. It's better to meet up, have some normal interactions without complaining about poor health or faulty systems all the time.

Unfortunately there's no autism group in my town. Only women's institute. Absolutely a shame as need that sort of group where meet other people and make friends. My former pen pal goes to an autism support group and craft club.

Good afternoon,

Welcome to the community forum.

What are your hobbies or interests?

I sometimes go to a women's group where I meet people, have refreshments and chat.

It's not mandatory to attend each one. I'm interested the ones are art and crafts e.g paint pebbles, talks about different organisations and play board games. Unfortunately the evening ones now it's at an awkward time now. I go to the afternoon ones. They're on different days. That's a worth an option. Also you could consider volunteering? The reason I go to the women's group because I used to volunteer at the library until covid 19 was declared in 2020. Some of my family not accepting what I want to do. 

Meeting up can go wrong and dangerous. In 2013 approximately my two friends from Essex (who I met online); staying in my county. Decided to meet up in a local café where I knew the people, told my hairdresser and a trusted person In case something went wrong. Luckily went smoothly.

Another thing I was in touch with someone who lives in the midlands, wanted to travel to my city for met up and have a meal. I suggested paying half and half. The person wanted to pay for the whole lot. Then another option was to meet half way. The person refused and Unfortunately I had to stop contact. 

Hi welcome to the community. Good luck in your quest to meet likd-minded people. Have you also thought of local asd groups in your area? Where I live there was a local special needs group in the library before it closed down. I wish there were more groups.

I hope you make some friends. Enjoy the community

Lol, yeah looks like this may be the wrong group 

Yes but for what …

In respect of making any in-person connections with people from this online community, I'll also just share this information / advice from the NAS (from the Online Community Instructions page), in case you haven't yet seen it.

I fully appreciate that you might not need these reminders, so please do accept my apologies in advance if that's the case. But others who find your thread over time might still benefit from them:

Hi and welcome to the community!

I'm not in your area, but I wish you all the best with making local connections.

The NAS has various local branches - and also some online branches - where you can connect with other autistic people. Activities will vary by branch, so it would be best to check with them directly about what kinds of things they organise:

NAS - Branches

Based on a postcode search, I think your nearest branch might be Milton Keynes:

NAS - Milton Keynes branch

I'd also suggest searching for local autism or neurodivergent groups on Facebook.

There's also some advice about how to find social groups and meet new people:

NAS - Making friends - a guide for autistic adults