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Looking for friends

micca

Hi, I have autism and adhd. Most of the time I'm pretty good at masking and just avoid things that I know will trigger me.

I live in Wellingborough, Northamptonshire and was wondering if it's possible to find like minded people to hang out with. I'm not looking for meet ups where we sit around discussing how misunderstood or rejected we are, what conditions we have or how difficult life is. I'd much rather go for a walk by the lake, have a meal, etc.

I understand triggers snd sensory sensitivities - trust me. But in my mind, I always have two choices - I an stay home because I don't like bright lights or loud noise, or I can grab sunglasses and earplugs and go out. I haven't been going much, because I get annoyed or bored being surrounded by only neuro typical people and also it's draining to have to pretend all the time that I'm like them (small talk and all that stuff). So I figured out that maybe I could try hanging out with other neuridivergent people - whether highly functional, or barely functional, or just trying their best - someone who doesn't need constant attention, pity, or care, but are up for a normal walk, or meal, or casual catch up.

If anyone is interested, let me know.

Parents

  • Good afternoon,

    Welcome to the community forum.

    What are your hobbies or interests?

    I sometimes go to a women's group where I meet people, have refreshments and chat.

    It's not mandatory to attend each one. I'm interested the ones are art and crafts e.g paint pebbles, talks about different organisations and play board games. Unfortunately the evening ones now it's at an awkward time now. I go to the afternoon ones. They're on different days. That's a worth an option. Also you could consider volunteering? The reason I go to the women's group because I used to volunteer at the library until covid 19 was declared in 2020. Some of my family not accepting what I want to do. 

    Meeting up can go wrong and dangerous. In 2013 approximately my two friends from Essex (who I met online); staying in my county. Decided to meet up in a local café where I knew the people, told my hairdresser and a trusted person In case something went wrong. Luckily went smoothly.

    Another thing I was in touch with someone who lives in the midlands, wanted to travel to my city for met up and have a meal. I suggested paying half and half. The person wanted to pay for the whole lot. Then another option was to meet half way. The person refused and Unfortunately I had to stop contact. 

  • in reply to Deleted User

    Yes, so I'm not looking for a blind dates or paying for anyone's travel cost or anything. There are more people in this world than just one, and if a few people wants to meet up and do something nice I'd be up for that. There's nothing abnormal or dangerous in meeting groups in public places. What is dangerous is sharing personal details with strangers, meeting with someone in a remote location, sending strangers money. I may be autistic but I refuse living as if I was surrounded by psychopats only. Everybody has to have some rational thinking and reasoning to be able to judge if a situation is safe or not. Otherwise the only thing we should be doing is staying home alone and then complaining about loneliness and isolation.

    As for the groups you've suggested, or volunteering, this is for sure a good idea. It's just not always people understand neuro diversity, you know. When I hear small talk or when someone asks me why I don't smile, I want to say something pretty straightforward which then would be considered rude, but instead I just leave. Can't stand this fake politeness and shalowness. But I attended some hobby circles in the past and I may need to try that again. As for volunteering, I'm not sure I won't to interact with people that much or that often. Just from time to time in some open space will do. But thank you for all the suggestions, they are definitely good and make sense.

Reply
  • in reply to Deleted User

    Yes, so I'm not looking for a blind dates or paying for anyone's travel cost or anything. There are more people in this world than just one, and if a few people wants to meet up and do something nice I'd be up for that. There's nothing abnormal or dangerous in meeting groups in public places. What is dangerous is sharing personal details with strangers, meeting with someone in a remote location, sending strangers money. I may be autistic but I refuse living as if I was surrounded by psychopats only. Everybody has to have some rational thinking and reasoning to be able to judge if a situation is safe or not. Otherwise the only thing we should be doing is staying home alone and then complaining about loneliness and isolation.

    As for the groups you've suggested, or volunteering, this is for sure a good idea. It's just not always people understand neuro diversity, you know. When I hear small talk or when someone asks me why I don't smile, I want to say something pretty straightforward which then would be considered rude, but instead I just leave. Can't stand this fake politeness and shalowness. But I attended some hobby circles in the past and I may need to try that again. As for volunteering, I'm not sure I won't to interact with people that much or that often. Just from time to time in some open space will do. But thank you for all the suggestions, they are definitely good and make sense.

Children
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