Newbie to the forum saying hello - struggling in life.

Hey and welcome 

Congratulations on unmasking and your journey of self discovery. That is a very brave thing to do. 
I am 50 and undiagnosed as yet but finding masking now to be very difficult and exhausting due to being more self aware. You sound a lot further along than me but your story is pretty much how I think things will turn out for me also. I have friends but sadly not what I would describe as true friends, I believe when I do open up they will take flight but that’s ok I guess. As you stated the more I get to know myself the more I realise how different I am to many of the people around me, I’m just tired of putting on that show for everyone else’s benefit now and think I deserve some peace. 
I have been having therapy for a few months now which I find beneficial and is helping me to understand that it’s ok to be yourself, I would very much recommend it. I chose a therapist who herself is neurodivergent. 
I plan to try and find some sort of meet up group for adults in the future but that feels a bit too scary atm. 
If there is not anything like that in your local area perhaps there is a group of like minded individuals that you could meet digitally? 
you sound like you are doing great and like I said what you have done is very brave. 

Hope you find what you’re looking for 

Welcome.

Well, for me, it's not a question of masking or unmasking - of living life in one state or the other. Personally, I view masking as a useful skill. It helps me to meet people on their terms at times. The problem for me comes when I feel I have to do it all the time, so that I have to become the person with the mask. That was so confusing for most of my life - it led to depression and more. Not recommended.

The other thing I discovered during my years and years of masking was that my difference could be expressed through a wacky sense of humour. It was, and remains, an unconscious strategy which allows me to function. It's a bit of a mask, I suppose, but one that I feel pretty comfortable with.

I wonder if others have masking behaviours that they are pretty comfortable with at times.

I notice there are so many people on here who are either diagnosed in the fifties or who ‘come out’ to others as autistic in their fifties. Maybe it’s because we realise we don’t want to spend ‘the time we have left’ not living as our authentic true selves. 
It’s never too late, and better late than never! 
One thing I’ve definitely recognised is that being autistic can be very hard and we deserve to be kind to ourselves and forgiving of ourselves too. It’s important that we value who we are and recognise that we’ve had to work hard just to cope with life, and give ourselves credit for that. 
Embrace and accept who you are, recognise that you’ve done your best. And also focus on what brings you happiness right now. What’s helped me a lot is learning about mindfulness - focusing on the present moment, and how I can enjoy the present moment. We often get caught up in regrets about the past, and worries for the future, and that’s doesn’t help us. Concentrating on the present - simple pleasures of the every day things - can be very helpful. The past is gone. Let it go. The future - who knows? We don’t even know for sure that we have one! But we have today, can maybe go for a nice walk, make something tasty for lunch, watch something funny on tv. Focusing on enjoying these things can free us of a lot of negative ruminating about the past and how we are seen by others etc. Ultimately we can’t control what others think of us, or how they see us. We have to just be who we are and try to embrace that. And most of all live our lives - as much as is possible - in a way that will bring us some happiness. Life is short - and we should not waste it worrying what others think of us. 

Hi, I've not unmasked yet.  I'm 55 too but only just realized a few months ago after a lifetime of struggling. Although I blew my cover last night and told someone I was Autistic when i was getting a lift home from an folk club. I was a little drunk, I needed a lift cause of the rain, i only live 30 mins walk away but i accepted a lift. the guy was a lecturer in IT so i managed to keep up a conversation with him cause i used to be very qualified in IT.  I used to be over qualified for Jobs but i could never get the jobs cause i used to physically shake with nerves.  Its one of my major regrets in life that i couldn't function properly in life,  i could of done better if i had known i was autistic.  I told him i was Autistic and i struggled with eye contact and interviews, Anyway I will see how they react to me next week,  I sure they all gossip between themselves .  I'm new there , they are still assessing me

Welcome! :)

Greetings NAS96251!

Hello and welcome to the forum.

There are lots of us on here who have felt exactly the same as you when we realised that we had been masking and tried to stop doing it - you are not alone. 

I didn't find out that I was on the spectrum until I was in my fifties, and I then had to work out who I really was and try to be the authentic me. It's not easy, but the main thing I kept in mind was to care for myself first and not worry about what others thought. I'm lucky in that I live with my long time partner so I always have someone to talk to if I need it - do you have a partner or friend you can talk to? You say there are no support groups for adults in your area but if you want company you could try to join a group that you have an interest in (maybe walking, cycling, crafts, choir, etc) and if you need support in terms of questions you have, you can post on here and one of us will try to help.

By the way, if you could change your NAS number to a nickname, that will help us keep track of you. Hope you find this forum useful.