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Newbie to the forum saying hello - struggling in life.

NAS96251

Hi everyone

It's taken me so long to join one of these threads and reach the community. I'm 55, so as I was first diagnosed as a child aged five, it's taken me a while. 

I have 'existed' through life by masking. Following the loss of my parents three years ago, I decided to talk about my autism; this was difficult and achieved mixed results, with some family members and friends now cutting ties with me. I have no idea why, other than them saying, 'They didn't know me anymore'. This has added confusion and a decline in my mental health.

By the way, this is not a 'pity me' thread. Far from it. I am resolute on 'being me', with or without family and friends who have shown their true colours as far as I am concerned.

I am reaching out to ask for advice as I live in a rural community and haven't been able to find resources for adults. There is a support group but only for children and carers.

Now I have unmasked, I find myself questioning who I am...I know who I am; I'm me, but I feel that unmasking has highlighted just how 'different' I am to others within my life and the wider society. I had not through of myself in this way before.

I have asked for counselling to help me try and make sense of everything. However, the waiting list is currently 24 months long. Therefore, I am turning to the community to see if there are any tips or others who have also felt the same.

I can't explain how I feel, I just feel 'different' after unmasking, perhaps it's because I now have to confront an ableist society who has been ignoring my needs for half a century, who knows, I would love to hear how others have coped with unmasking at an older age.

Thanks, everyone,

Love to you all.

Parents

  • Well, for me, it's not a question of masking or unmasking - of living life in one state or the other. Personally, I view masking as a useful skill. It helps me to meet people on their terms at times. The problem for me comes when I feel I have to do it all the time, so that I have to become the person with the mask. That was so confusing for most of my life - it led to depression and more. Not recommended.

    The other thing I discovered during my years and years of masking was that my difference could be expressed through a wacky sense of humour. It was, and remains, an unconscious strategy which allows me to function. It's a bit of a mask, I suppose, but one that I feel pretty comfortable with.

    I wonder if others have masking behaviours that they are pretty comfortable with at times.

Reply

  • Well, for me, it's not a question of masking or unmasking - of living life in one state or the other. Personally, I view masking as a useful skill. It helps me to meet people on their terms at times. The problem for me comes when I feel I have to do it all the time, so that I have to become the person with the mask. That was so confusing for most of my life - it led to depression and more. Not recommended.

    The other thing I discovered during my years and years of masking was that my difference could be expressed through a wacky sense of humour. It was, and remains, an unconscious strategy which allows me to function. It's a bit of a mask, I suppose, but one that I feel pretty comfortable with.

    I wonder if others have masking behaviours that they are pretty comfortable with at times.

Children
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