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Newbie to the forum saying hello - struggling in life.

NAS96251
4 hours ago

Hi everyone

It's taken me so long to join one of these threads and reach the community. I'm 55, so as I was first diagnosed as a child aged five, it's taken me a while. 

I have 'existed' through life by masking. Following the loss of my parents three years ago, I decided to talk about my autism; this was difficult and achieved mixed results, with some family members and friends now cutting ties with me. I have no idea why, other than them saying, 'They didn't know me anymore'. This has added confusion and a decline in my mental health.

By the way, this is not a 'pity me' thread. Far from it. I am resolute on 'being me', with or without family and friends who have shown their true colours as far as I am concerned.

I am reaching out to ask for advice as I live in a rural community and haven't been able to find resources for adults. There is a support group but only for children and carers.

Now I have unmasked, I find myself questioning who I am...I know who I am; I'm me, but I feel that unmasking has highlighted just how 'different' I am to others within my life and the wider society. I had not through of myself in this way before.

I have asked for counselling to help me try and make sense of everything. However, the waiting list is currently 24 months long. Therefore, I am turning to the community to see if there are any tips or others who have also felt the same.

I can't explain how I feel, I just feel 'different' after unmasking, perhaps it's because I now have to confront an ableist society who has been ignoring my needs for half a century, who knows, I would love to hear how others have coped with unmasking at an older age.

Thanks, everyone,

Love to you all.

Parents
  • 3 hours ago

    Hello and welcome to the forum.

    There are lots of us on here who have felt exactly the same as you when we realised that we had been masking and tried to stop doing it - you are not alone. 

    I didn't find out that I was on the spectrum until I was in my fifties, and I then had to work out who I really was and try to be the authentic me. It's not easy, but the main thing I kept in mind was to care for myself first and not worry about what others thought. I'm lucky in that I live with my long time partner so I always have someone to talk to if I need it - do you have a partner or friend you can talk to? You say there are no support groups for adults in your area but if you want company you could try to join a group that you have an interest in (maybe walking, cycling, crafts, choir, etc) and if you need support in terms of questions you have, you can post on here and one of us will try to help.

    By the way, if you could change your NAS number to a nickname, that will help us keep track of you. Hope you find this forum useful.

Reply
  • 3 hours ago

    Hello and welcome to the forum.

    There are lots of us on here who have felt exactly the same as you when we realised that we had been masking and tried to stop doing it - you are not alone. 

    I didn't find out that I was on the spectrum until I was in my fifties, and I then had to work out who I really was and try to be the authentic me. It's not easy, but the main thing I kept in mind was to care for myself first and not worry about what others thought. I'm lucky in that I live with my long time partner so I always have someone to talk to if I need it - do you have a partner or friend you can talk to? You say there are no support groups for adults in your area but if you want company you could try to join a group that you have an interest in (maybe walking, cycling, crafts, choir, etc) and if you need support in terms of questions you have, you can post on here and one of us will try to help.

    By the way, if you could change your NAS number to a nickname, that will help us keep track of you. Hope you find this forum useful.

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