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Newbie to the forum saying hello - struggling in life.

NAS96251

Hi everyone

It's taken me so long to join one of these threads and reach the community. I'm 55, so as I was first diagnosed as a child aged five, it's taken me a while. 

I have 'existed' through life by masking. Following the loss of my parents three years ago, I decided to talk about my autism; this was difficult and achieved mixed results, with some family members and friends now cutting ties with me. I have no idea why, other than them saying, 'They didn't know me anymore'. This has added confusion and a decline in my mental health.

By the way, this is not a 'pity me' thread. Far from it. I am resolute on 'being me', with or without family and friends who have shown their true colours as far as I am concerned.

I am reaching out to ask for advice as I live in a rural community and haven't been able to find resources for adults. There is a support group but only for children and carers.

Now I have unmasked, I find myself questioning who I am...I know who I am; I'm me, but I feel that unmasking has highlighted just how 'different' I am to others within my life and the wider society. I had not through of myself in this way before.

I have asked for counselling to help me try and make sense of everything. However, the waiting list is currently 24 months long. Therefore, I am turning to the community to see if there are any tips or others who have also felt the same.

I can't explain how I feel, I just feel 'different' after unmasking, perhaps it's because I now have to confront an ableist society who has been ignoring my needs for half a century, who knows, I would love to hear how others have coped with unmasking at an older age.

Thanks, everyone,

Love to you all.

Parents

  • I notice there are so many people on here who are either diagnosed in the fifties or who ‘come out’ to others as autistic in their fifties. Maybe it’s because we realise we don’t want to spend ‘the time we have left’ not living as our authentic true selves. 
    It’s never too late, and better late than never! 
    One thing I’ve definitely recognised is that being autistic can be very hard and we deserve to be kind to ourselves and forgiving of ourselves too. It’s important that we value who we are and recognise that we’ve had to work hard just to cope with life, and give ourselves credit for that. 
    Embrace and accept who you are, recognise that you’ve done your best. And also focus on what brings you happiness right now. What’s helped me a lot is learning about mindfulness - focusing on the present moment, and how I can enjoy the present moment. We often get caught up in regrets about the past, and worries for the future, and that’s doesn’t help us. Concentrating on the present - simple pleasures of the every day things - can be very helpful. The past is gone. Let it go. The future - who knows? We don’t even know for sure that we have one! But we have today, can maybe go for a nice walk, make something tasty for lunch, watch something funny on tv. Focusing on enjoying these things can free us of a lot of negative ruminating about the past and how we are seen by others etc. Ultimately we can’t control what others think of us, or how they see us. We have to just be who we are and try to embrace that. And most of all live our lives - as much as is possible - in a way that will bring us some happiness. Life is short - and we should not waste it worrying what others think of us. 

Reply

  • I notice there are so many people on here who are either diagnosed in the fifties or who ‘come out’ to others as autistic in their fifties. Maybe it’s because we realise we don’t want to spend ‘the time we have left’ not living as our authentic true selves. 
    It’s never too late, and better late than never! 
    One thing I’ve definitely recognised is that being autistic can be very hard and we deserve to be kind to ourselves and forgiving of ourselves too. It’s important that we value who we are and recognise that we’ve had to work hard just to cope with life, and give ourselves credit for that. 
    Embrace and accept who you are, recognise that you’ve done your best. And also focus on what brings you happiness right now. What’s helped me a lot is learning about mindfulness - focusing on the present moment, and how I can enjoy the present moment. We often get caught up in regrets about the past, and worries for the future, and that’s doesn’t help us. Concentrating on the present - simple pleasures of the every day things - can be very helpful. The past is gone. Let it go. The future - who knows? We don’t even know for sure that we have one! But we have today, can maybe go for a nice walk, make something tasty for lunch, watch something funny on tv. Focusing on enjoying these things can free us of a lot of negative ruminating about the past and how we are seen by others etc. Ultimately we can’t control what others think of us, or how they see us. We have to just be who we are and try to embrace that. And most of all live our lives - as much as is possible - in a way that will bring us some happiness. Life is short - and we should not waste it worrying what others think of us. 

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