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Newbie to the forum saying hello - struggling in life.

NAS96251
1 day ago

Hi everyone

It's taken me so long to join one of these threads and reach the community. I'm 55, so as I was first diagnosed as a child aged five, it's taken me a while. 

I have 'existed' through life by masking. Following the loss of my parents three years ago, I decided to talk about my autism; this was difficult and achieved mixed results, with some family members and friends now cutting ties with me. I have no idea why, other than them saying, 'They didn't know me anymore'. This has added confusion and a decline in my mental health.

By the way, this is not a 'pity me' thread. Far from it. I am resolute on 'being me', with or without family and friends who have shown their true colours as far as I am concerned.

I am reaching out to ask for advice as I live in a rural community and haven't been able to find resources for adults. There is a support group but only for children and carers.

Now I have unmasked, I find myself questioning who I am...I know who I am; I'm me, but I feel that unmasking has highlighted just how 'different' I am to others within my life and the wider society. I had not through of myself in this way before.

I have asked for counselling to help me try and make sense of everything. However, the waiting list is currently 24 months long. Therefore, I am turning to the community to see if there are any tips or others who have also felt the same.

I can't explain how I feel, I just feel 'different' after unmasking, perhaps it's because I now have to confront an ableist society who has been ignoring my needs for half a century, who knows, I would love to hear how others have coped with unmasking at an older age.

Thanks, everyone,

Love to you all.

Parents
  • 4 hours ago

    Hey and welcome 

    Congratulations on unmasking and your journey of self discovery. That is a very brave thing to do. 
    I am 50 and undiagnosed as yet but finding masking now to be very difficult and exhausting due to being more self aware. You sound a lot further along than me but your story is pretty much how I think things will turn out for me also. I have friends but sadly not what I would describe as true friends, I believe when I do open up they will take flight but that’s ok I guess. As you stated the more I get to know myself the more I realise how different I am to many of the people around me, I’m just tired of putting on that show for everyone else’s benefit now and think I deserve some peace. 
    I have been having therapy for a few months now which I find beneficial and is helping me to understand that it’s ok to be yourself, I would very much recommend it. I chose a therapist who herself is neurodivergent. 
    I plan to try and find some sort of meet up group for adults in the future but that feels a bit too scary atm. 
    If there is not anything like that in your local area perhaps there is a group of like minded individuals that you could meet digitally? 
    you sound like you are doing great and like I said what you have done is very brave. 

    Hope you find what you’re looking for 

Reply
  • 4 hours ago

    Hey and welcome 

    Congratulations on unmasking and your journey of self discovery. That is a very brave thing to do. 
    I am 50 and undiagnosed as yet but finding masking now to be very difficult and exhausting due to being more self aware. You sound a lot further along than me but your story is pretty much how I think things will turn out for me also. I have friends but sadly not what I would describe as true friends, I believe when I do open up they will take flight but that’s ok I guess. As you stated the more I get to know myself the more I realise how different I am to many of the people around me, I’m just tired of putting on that show for everyone else’s benefit now and think I deserve some peace. 
    I have been having therapy for a few months now which I find beneficial and is helping me to understand that it’s ok to be yourself, I would very much recommend it. I chose a therapist who herself is neurodivergent. 
    I plan to try and find some sort of meet up group for adults in the future but that feels a bit too scary atm. 
    If there is not anything like that in your local area perhaps there is a group of like minded individuals that you could meet digitally? 
    you sound like you are doing great and like I said what you have done is very brave. 

    Hope you find what you’re looking for 

Children
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