Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,
After many years (50+), I finally have an official diagnosis. I've hung around here a bit to get the lay of the land but up until yesterday, I did not feel that I had the right to contribute.
I am happily married to my beautiful NT* partner of over 20 years. (I hope that this diagnosis will help even more, explaining things like why I would just *have to* leave social events without any notice - always a big point of contention) *Actually, she's dyslexic, maybe I should say allistic.
I was lucky in that I had a great family this didn't try to change me too much and let me just get on with it. I am lucky that I have a great in-law family that doesn't try to change me and just let me get on with it too.
I am lucky that I don't have meltdowns, but unlucky because it is all internalised and I have shutdowns and I have been burned out for several years now (causing the journey to my diagnosis)
I didn't think I stimmed, but it gradually dawned that my permanently bouncing leg and ravaged finger cuticles with little flaps of peeling skin said otherwise.
Why "Spikey"? - because I was pretty pleased with my ADOS-2 test story of Spikey the ball going for a ride in a car, putting up an umbrella, finding a playing card in the car and then using a paperclip to keep them together from then on. I think it should be a Netflix series - ha ha.
What I lack in confrontation skills, I more than make up for with extreme stubbornness.
I have a fairly typical story of feeling different to everyone else my entire life. Reading other people's stories, I related a little bit more with some of the ladies due to me being high masking.
Fern Brady's stand-up and TV/Podcast appearances have really helped me a lot recently.
I also heartily recommend Steph Jones's "The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy", which I think would help a lot of people here after reading some of your posts. (It explains why many of the typical therapy 'fixes' don't work for us. Who doesn't like some validation?! It's a great book.)
Thanks for listening!
**Tron (1982) was probably my special interest when I was a youngster - even writing a program on m ZX Spectrum that emulated Kevin Flynn's entire logon experience from the film - no, my password is no longer "Reindeer Flotilla"
Thanks Spikey! Yeah she’s beautiful inside and out, very lucky to have her
Mark (formerly Spikey) said:Fern's book is brilliant, and now my wife thinks that I have a bit of a crush.
lol that made me laugh
Mark (formerly Spikey) said:but the being raised a catholic in a poor area and stuff like that are so familiar
That must have been extra difficult, I’m sorry to hear that. I’m glad it (sounds) like it’s all worked out for you now and it’s been helpful to now have your diagnosis
That's brilliant that you got the book. I really think that from page one onwards you be saying "bloody hell !" (or words to that effect You won't regret Spaced when you get round to it - it is so rewatchable too. He's just had a cameo in The Boys so it is great that an old fart like me is still going strong
It does take a bit of getting used to but you'll get there don't worry! ️ I still kick myself every time that I still haven’t bought myself Spaced. I love Simon Pegg-and I know it'll be amazing but I still try to get it. Maybe one day! I have at least bought The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy, it was available on Kindle so I snapped that up straight away. I'll let you know how I find it. I think it will be amazing.
PS That's a beautiful cat that you have. Sadly I'm allergic as otherwise having a cat would be so ideal for me.
Thanks AJ90UK. Yes, your red card drove to the yellow house is another Netflix series in the making - ha ha. Fern's book is brilliant, and now my wife thinks that I have a bit of a crush. It's hard to explain that she's just related so much stuff that is familiar so *obviously* I'm going to watch every single appearance It's not just purely the autism late diagnosis, but the being raised a catholic in a poor area and stuff like that are so familiar that she has me laughing my socks off - which translates outwardly to me actually cracking a smile
Thanks Paige. I find this site a bit hard to navigate, but I did click around a bit. It's brilliant that you like some of the older TV shows from my generation. Simon Pegg is brilliant and I hope that you like "Spaced" - if you've not seen it, get it now! :-) I think if you read the book, you would have so many relatable moments and I am sure it could help you out a bit.
Thanks Bunny. Yes it is such a good book. I want to buy a copy for all the people that I have seen these past few years. All were well meaning and I luckily I didn't have the Veronica that Steph had, but in the end it was me that diagnosed myself when the signs were all there for them to see (Them: "Take deep breaths and describe where you feel such and such" - Me: "I'm not very good at knowing where feelings and sensations are". Or, me: "I'm not very good at eye contact when I'm the one talking" - them: "let's try to train you not to feel this 'fear'") Yes, the signs were all there. The book should really be required reading for all therapists.
Welcome Spikey! Love how you chose the name from your ados assessment task. Sounds like you had better use of the items than I did! I just simply went “the red car drove to the yellow house”, and disregarded the other items I chose lol. I could have done a better job but it felt so awkward!!
You absolutely have the right to contribute, so please do. Your story has already resonated with me, and that in itself is a helpful contribution.
I relate to a lot of what you say, I don’t really have meltdowns but learnt that I shutdown instead. And I thought that I don’t stim, but learnt that my “fidgeting” is stimming. I too find a relate more with females who are high masking. So it nice to hear than come from another man.
I love Fern Brady, I read her book Strong Female Character and found it very helpful.
I will check out your recommendation to Steph Jones also
anyway, welcome, and hope to see you around more in this forum
Welcome to the community, glad you finally got your diagnosis. Thank you for the book recommendation I'll try to pick that up when I can.
I never used to think I stimmed either, it was first pointed out to me during my assessment when I was tapping my fingers together rhythmically. It used to bother me but now I embrace my stims.
Welcome and congratulations on your diagnosis!
I second your book recommendation; it was the first one that I bought following my own diagnosis last year :)