Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone I am looking for advice I have been raising my grandson since he was born he carries my last name as well, his mother has been in and out of his life but now she is with someone that my grandson claims hit him and hit his mother. She claims is not true but my grandson says he is not nice. I worked really hard for my grandson to be were he is at today. Routine is everything with him she wants to take him for 2 weeks but I am worried! His mother said it didn't happen I know my grandson enough to know he is telling the truth he doesn't speak full sentences but was very clear to say and demonstrate that man hit him. Please any Advice will kindly appreciate it.
Is it possible she's Autistic? Is there anyone on either side of the family who are dyslexic, epileptic, ADHD? Engineers or just good at physics / maths / bio tech and so on?
Society has changed a great deal and due to these changes, the divide between autism spectrum differences is becoming greater. In 1970 we would've dismissed an aunt or uncle who could fix the tele but was just a 'little socially awkward'. Or someone who appeared driven to problem solve but was just a little intense.
The biggest struggle for young women who are actually autistic and don't know they're using language different is the inability to Read Others, especially men. It makes them prey to all kinds of bad behaviour. And what's complicated is feeling everything with a greater intensity. Without sound wisdom and mentors/friends who stick by us, a chemical rush signalling a potential mate (feeling of falling in love) is so powerful and with Autistic Inertia, and our Monotropic Nature, it's really hard to shake those feelings off. Had I known when younger that a few weeks of a cold break and an intervention drug to help promote the biological inhibitor of GABA would help, I may have avoided a great deal of problems.
It does sound to me as if she could use a gentle suggestion of a few links, If not to better understand her son. And perhaps she'll identify similar traits in herself on her own. The autistic differences involve how we perceive and relate with the world around. It's not a disability itself but a potential. There have been several philosophers and psychoanalysts who could see that consumerism would create a greater divide in NeuroTypes. Had I not been studying some of these for the last 10 years I wouldn't have noticed the difference just been far more frustrated and maybe even homeless.
https://neuroclastic.com/
https://autistic-village.com/category/inside-aut/
Mods- it's quite possible the mother needs a diagnostic!! This is a much more complicated situation.
If you are your grandson's legal guardian and your daughter is not, then the decision is yours. Obviously, taking a child heavily reliant on routines somewhere other than his usual home is going to be disruptive and potentially might have long-term adverse effects, so making an argument against this trip or holiday to your daughter, from that point of view, may be useful. Ask if your daughter is more motivated by her own desires, than by the best interests of her son.
Hi Addy
I'm glad you have shared your justifiable concerns with the community.
What you have told us is primarily a child protection concern. Please have a look at the NSPCC website which has a wealth of information on abuse and how to report it: https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/reporting-abuse/
The National Autistic Society does not currently operate a crisis or emergency service. We advise you to contact 999 or any of the mental health crisis lines listed on our Urgent Help Page if you or anyone else is at risk of immediate harm: https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/help-and-support/urgent-help
You may report abuse or neglect of a child or adult by searching online for ‘[Your Local Authority/Trust name] [ adult/child] safeguarding team’].
Other information you may find helpful:
National Domestic Abuse Helpline (Refuge) provides support for women experiencing domestic abuse. Open 24 hours per day, every day.
NHS Domestic Abuse Helplines: www.nhs.uk/.../
I hope this is helpful to you.
Sharon Mod
I will thank you!
Unfortunately my daughter has been in a lot of different situations different partners different jobs and had become a complete stranger to us. She has been a troubled young woman since she was a teenager in school.
This woman on instagram talks a great deal about encountering a world as Autistic: https://www.instagram.com/thearticulateautistic/ she has a book out as well. But her posts really help express our experiences in a world that is socially 'programmed' in a completely different way. I might suggest to pass this along to your daughter.
Ok this makes more sense... it's complicated! Do they both go over to yours? There are ways to pick up warning signs and 'red flags' by being around him in person. Even if he pretends to be nice, at our age we can begin to spot the warning signs.
Even if we suggest there is a communication gap and ongoing misunderstanding (as there will always be between Autistic and Non-Autistic) the boyfriend still feels unsafe and - personally* as a mother of a boy, who's a man, being a parent is a responsibility. The problem for many women can be that while society claims men and women are 'equals', females are still treated a great deal more unfairly than males. Our livelihoods can rest on whether or not we secure a match, thus putting a child's need to eat might involve finding a mate. Does your daughter find keeping a job difficult? Or is she forced to work over-time to keep herself afloat? Does she have a degree or does she have practical help and support to help her further a masters? I don't know the economics but these can play a big role in decision making. It's no secret that women from excessively wealthy backgrounds, historically, got to choose to be single. And that's a sort of power many don't have.
The fact remains that your grandson doesn't think him safe - whatever actually happened, and this shouldn't be disregarded. Most autistics experience a strange hatred from many non-autistics, including bullying and gaslighting. Better understanding on these differences and even polarities might help the mother understand what kind of protection and support he needs.
She is my daughter and he is her boyfriend that hit my grandson.
I'd love to help. But I'm having trouble following. Is the father of your grandson your son? Or is his mother. How old is he? Nuances can make a big difference in understanding.
Are you saying his father is violent and abusive? Or is this the Mother's boyfriend? Sorry if I'm having trouble following.
Is his mother also undiagnosed? If this is the case, it can really make a difference at helping her with a difficulty of being reliable.