Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
My name is Barry and I have difficulties with social situations and a couple of other issues but there is no help that I am aware of in my locality.
I am 67, married for 45 years, and retired after working in finance in the civil service. As a child I only had a maximum of one friend at a time, while my siblings were gregarious and had no difficulties. After getting married at 20 yrs, my wife has been my sole friend and soul mate. We have two adult sons. At work I was able to satisfy all my socialising needs but was not able to take work relationships outside of the workplace and I avoided work socials where the easily understood rules of the workplace were relaxed. Since retiring I have been isolated apart from with my wife. It is not that I don't like people, quite the opposite, but I don't seem to be able to connect beyond pleasantries.
I tend to focus on interests, spending a lot of time researching in the area of my current favourite, looking around at other things but coming back to a favoured few.
I have had a reasonably successful career and happy life in most ways and do not consider myself to be strange or unusual. I completed an OU degree last year, graduating with first class honours.
Sorry for this download but at times I get quite desparate to figure out why my life experience is as it is. Does my situation make any sense to anyone?
Barry
Thanks all for responding, it's nice just to be understood.
Take some online autism tests. AQ10 and AQ50 (sometimes called just 'AQ') are the most commonly used by clinicians in this country, but the RAADS-R is the most definitive. They can be found here: embrace-autism.com/.../If you score in the autism range it will give you more certainty about your autistic status.
Being autistic does not necessarily preclude a person from functioning in society, it may just make it difficult. I'm a diagnosed autistic, married, two kids, three degrees, and worked for 34 years in academic research.
Welcome to your autistic community.
Many people like yourself are only just starting to discover their autistic identity later in life. If you are autistic it doesn't mean there is something wrong, only that your brain works differently to the neurotypical majority. Finally understanding why you are different can be life changing at any age. Different is not wrong.
The Embrace Autism site has lots of online tests you can do. If the results of those indicate autism you may decide to self identify or you can consider going through the assessment process. Even if you do put yourself through the assessment process, which can take years, you are very unlikely to find any help or support available.
https://embrace-autism.com/autism-tests/
There are loads of good resources online to help you learn more about autism and how the autistic brain works.
The Neuroclastic site is a good place to start and they have produced a very comprehensive explanatory document:
https://neuroclastic.com/autism/what-is-autism/
https://neuroclastic.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/UNDERSTANDING-THE-AUTISTIC-MIND-11.pdf
Did you find that after work you needed to relax and recharge? I found in school I would do all I could to avoid doing homework because I had to "Switch off" from thoughts of school as school brought me stress. So homework was a last minute rush!
It was explained to me on another site that introverted people need their recharge times by relaxing either alone or just with immediate family after coming home from school, college or work.
Extroverts need to be around people to relax and de-stress. They go to pubs and clubs to unwind. For an introvert, that would push them into burnout or even breakdown!
Not one is less thwn the other. Just relaxes and de-stresses in different ways! All are valued. All are great!
Hope this helps explain things?
Hi Barry. The final three paragraphs could have been written by me (except that I did a Masters degree at my local university). I'm 42 and I was diagnosed as autistic last year. My wife is my best friend, and there is a very small number of people in my life who I consider as friends. I have struggled to connect with so many people, and I now know that this is largely because I don't understand or appreciate the unwritten rules of a society that seems to value egos and random hierarchies over integrity and peace. Keep sharing with this community - we're your tribe!
It is lonely but I am lucky, my wife is very supportive and I have little to complain about with regard to my physical circumstances. But what to do next is a problem; how to deal with these feelings?
You're autistic, Barry. It's lonely, isn't it? Sorry you have to be part of the club.
It's impossible to connect, these days.
The illusion of choice gives people little common ground. It's like there are several realities simultaneously existing.