Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
I’m a recently diagnosed 38 year old female and have been feeling pretty confused since my diagnosis. I’ve always known I was different, so my results were not exactly a surprise but it did make me realise how ignorant I had been about understanding Autism. So, as I’m sure the majority of you also did, I threw myself into intense research and a lot of my life suddenly made sense. But atm I feel like 2 people in 1. There is Asd me who embraces all my traits and then “normal” me who still tries to do “normal “ For example, I will still force on clothes that I hate, because then I’ll fit in or attempt a coversation with a passing dog walker about the weather, which quite frankly does not interest me in the slightest.
Do you know? I just realised whilst typing, I think I’m just struggling to fully unmask.
Did any of you experience this? Is this a normal reaction?
i often think the reason i struggle to find kinship (even with other Autistics) is because i've just been the real me for longer. As i was diagnosed a long time ago. I don't go out and have to mask everyday. And the idea of masking for years... i would imagine that it eventually stops being a mask and becomes a more socialized version of your own self.
I masked a lot for years and although I knew I was different I was desperate not to be. My diagnosis was a turning point. It is a fact, I am different. This led to a lot of soul searching and trying to figure out who I really am because I’ve spent so long being what I thought I had to be. I have no doubt now that some masks will be pretty much a permanent fixture but time will tell I guess.