Hello, my name is ...

thank you for your reply i am going to goggle pecs and it was great hearing from soneone with experiance in this. I do relise its not my fault and all me and my husband wont is whats best for her. Were looking into schools for her as at moment she is in main stream and is finding it hard relateing to her peers thankyou again for the advice ive red it about 10 times now and its very reasureing knowing there is support and help out there. 

Asperger's and HFA (high functioning autism) are both autistic spectrum conditions.  They are a neurological difference that you are born with.  It is thought to be genetic although science does not yet know whether there are any environmental factors that could contribute or trigger it.  It is also possible that not all forms of autism come from the same cause.

You cannot cause autism by things you did when you were pregnant (presuming you didn't take any harmful drugs) and there is nothing you could have done to prevent your daughter having autism.

As she is high-functioning she will have a normal IQ and is likely to be talented in at least one area.  She may have an exceptional memory, she may be above-age in academics.

The things she may struggle with are anxiety, things changing (especially unexpectedly) and sensory issues.  There is a lot you can do to help with sensory issues.  If she gets stressed when there is too much going on, you can try to avoid noisy, chaotic places completely or go when they are quieter.  You can get her earplugs and if she has visual sensitivity she could wear tinted glasses or sunglasses when out.

Don't force her to got o children's parties if she doesn't want to, as it's likely she finds them overwhelming.  Watch her to learn what triggers her behaviour.

You can use PECS cards (if you Google PECS it will explain what they are) an dsocial  stories to help her learn more appropriate behaviours.  You can get emotions PECS on a keyring for instance, which your daughter can pick the emotion to show you how she is feeling rather than acting out.  If she feels you understand what she wants and that you will act accordingly she is likely to calm down.  You can't avoid all meltdowns of course, for someone with autism existential stress sometimes needs an outlet.

She may be better supported in an autism unit or special school for high-functioning children rather than mainstream.  If she is in mainstream (or going to mainstream) you can apply for a statement of special educational needs through your local council's SEN department which will ensure she is legally provided with the support she needs. She doesn't have to have a diagnosis to apply for this either.  She could likely get at least School Action or School Action Plus which the school puts in place to support her.  If she gets a statement it will probably have an IEP (individual education plan) to specify her needs.

If you are feeling overwhelmed and need a break, your local social services department can do an assessment of needs of your daughter and you as her carer so they can arrange short breaks/respite etc. according to need.

It's not the most awful thing in the world to be on the autistic spectrum.  I have Asperger's and I have 2 daughters age 8 and 12 both on the autistic spectrum.

Let me reassure you, autism is not caused by diet, coffee, going dancing when you are pregnant or anything.  It just happens.  Now you know, you can learn from your daughter what she needs and do what you can to put those things in place.  It doesn't help to look back and regret, look forwards on how you can make her life the best it can be.

hi i am a mum of a 5 year old girl and today ive been told after man years asking for help that sh may have hsa or aspergers. I feel like the moon has fallen from the sky and its all my fault. All the doctors and medical staff say its not my or my husbands fault but she is my little girl and i feel so guilty. Keep asking myself the same questions over and over did i do some thing to cause this when i was pregnant or when she was a baby. She is so hard to control and i have got angry and shouted at her but now i know its not just a little girl being naughty she really has no control. Just want to wrap her in cotton wool and keep her safe but ive let her down. is there anyone whos been though the assesment or been in the same situation as me could really do with some advice and help with dealing with this new area.

Hi again - please don't beat yourself up.  I do understand from your post why you feel this way + logic versus emotions are difficult to reconcile.  You did what you did to keep a roof over your head, to provide for your family, despite perhaps wanting to stay with your son.  These are difficult choices, but not having a roof over your head would have been even worse.  I haven't got any "magic words" to take your pain away, I wish I had.  I've been in bad places emotionally over the yrs, so I know how difficult it is to see light at the end of the tunnel.  You've had so much to cope with so your feelings are very understandable.  Please be kinder to yourself.  You are full of guilt if I've read  your post right.  You really have no reason to be so from what I can see.  Have you any support?  You seem to have a lot on your shoulders.  No woman is superwoman so please cut yourself a bit of slack.  Is your son going thru the diagnostic process?  My son was born autistic in my opinion.  Gaps in info on both sides of the family so we couldn't give the hospital full info about any conditions relatives may have had.  We can punish ourselves but anxiety, depression + guilt, whilst things we have to get thru emotionally, sap us of our strength + stop us being the people we want or need to be.  Maybe you need to consider counselling, if you haven't already?  You've had such a lot to cope with that sometimes talking to someone outside of the family can help as it allows you to say things you may not say to a loved one.  What do you need at this difficult time?  How can you get it?  Negative emotions stop us or slow us down - there's always tomorrow + we dwell on things.  I know, easy to say.  Been there, got the t-shirt etc.  I know you'll do your best for your little boy - it shines thru your post - you are a good mum.  Please let us know how things are going.  People here understand.

Thanks Crystal. Deep down I know everything you say is true, we don't even know the extense, how he would be affected or any limitations he may have, I just feel like my life is falling apart around me and there is nothing I can do to stop it, the news of my little boy comes at an incredably stressfull time following a family death a few months back and me being made redundant, I was already an emotional wreck to begin with. I feel like I was doing the right thing, I went back to work so I could provide for my husband and child so sacrificed so much of his baby time to keep a roof and food and clothes, I kept saying to myself that I would get to do that with grandchildren, like my mum is doing now with him (she had to go back to work early when I was tiny thus I was raised by my grandparents) and now I can't help feeling I've been robbed as some sort of punishment, like even though I thought I was doing the right thing it was actually selfish pride, I should have done the thing I'm proud of not doing and asked for help, been selfish and stayed home and now it's all gone.

Hi - my son is autistic but hasn't got CF.  We all wonder about things + some of us feel guilty.  Whilst understandable I think you know logically that there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.  Parents worry and wonder about all sorts.  Family genetics, difficult pregnancy and/or labour, stress, poor maternity care,  something else.  There are discussions on these posts around these issues.  All understandable - people looking for answers or to rule things out.  There are lots of people on the forums who feel or have felt like you so I'm sure they'll come along to reply.  A lot of it comes down to adjusting - not an easy thing to do.  It takes time + we do it in our own way.  I'm not sure we all completely(?) adjust, but maybe we adjust enough over time.  You can't hurry these things.  I felt better for learning about autism (info via the home pg) + how it affected my son as an individual.  By doing that I cd help him because I understood him better.  As his mother, you are the most important person in his world + can do a great deal to help him.  Take satisfaction from that as there's a lot of satisfaction to be had.  Also, please, try not to punish yourself, you are a good mum.