Hello, my name is ...

Hi again - please don't beat yourself up.  I do understand from your post why you feel this way + logic versus emotions are difficult to reconcile.  You did what you did to keep a roof over your head, to provide for your family, despite perhaps wanting to stay with your son.  These are difficult choices, but not having a roof over your head would have been even worse.  I haven't got any "magic words" to take your pain away, I wish I had.  I've been in bad places emotionally over the yrs, so I know how difficult it is to see light at the end of the tunnel.  You've had so much to cope with so your feelings are very understandable.  Please be kinder to yourself.  You are full of guilt if I've read  your post right.  You really have no reason to be so from what I can see.  Have you any support?  You seem to have a lot on your shoulders.  No woman is superwoman so please cut yourself a bit of slack.  Is your son going thru the diagnostic process?  My son was born autistic in my opinion.  Gaps in info on both sides of the family so we couldn't give the hospital full info about any conditions relatives may have had.  We can punish ourselves but anxiety, depression + guilt, whilst things we have to get thru emotionally, sap us of our strength + stop us being the people we want or need to be.  Maybe you need to consider counselling, if you haven't already?  You've had such a lot to cope with that sometimes talking to someone outside of the family can help as it allows you to say things you may not say to a loved one.  What do you need at this difficult time?  How can you get it?  Negative emotions stop us or slow us down - there's always tomorrow + we dwell on things.  I know, easy to say.  Been there, got the t-shirt etc.  I know you'll do your best for your little boy - it shines thru your post - you are a good mum.  Please let us know how things are going.  People here understand.

Hi again - please don't beat yourself up.  I do understand from your post why you feel this way + logic versus emotions are difficult to reconcile.  You did what you did to keep a roof over your head, to provide for your family, despite perhaps wanting to stay with your son.  These are difficult choices, but not having a roof over your head would have been even worse.  I haven't got any "magic words" to take your pain away, I wish I had.  I've been in bad places emotionally over the yrs, so I know how difficult it is to see light at the end of the tunnel.  You've had so much to cope with so your feelings are very understandable.  Please be kinder to yourself.  You are full of guilt if I've read  your post right.  You really have no reason to be so from what I can see.  Have you any support?  You seem to have a lot on your shoulders.  No woman is superwoman so please cut yourself a bit of slack.  Is your son going thru the diagnostic process?  My son was born autistic in my opinion.  Gaps in info on both sides of the family so we couldn't give the hospital full info about any conditions relatives may have had.  We can punish ourselves but anxiety, depression + guilt, whilst things we have to get thru emotionally, sap us of our strength + stop us being the people we want or need to be.  Maybe you need to consider counselling, if you haven't already?  You've had such a lot to cope with that sometimes talking to someone outside of the family can help as it allows you to say things you may not say to a loved one.  What do you need at this difficult time?  How can you get it?  Negative emotions stop us or slow us down - there's always tomorrow + we dwell on things.  I know, easy to say.  Been there, got the t-shirt etc.  I know you'll do your best for your little boy - it shines thru your post - you are a good mum.  Please let us know how things are going.  People here understand.