Published on 12, July, 2020
It has just struck me how tough education. Is for many autistic people, and what a huge effort it can be sometimes just to keep going into institutions that make you feel lonely and isolated. My son isn’t going to college at the moment due to mental health problems. We are in talks (if you can call it that) with the college - but they’re not very sympathetic to my sons struggles. Part of him wants to go back, park of him wants to just walk away and leave it all behind. What he’s walking TO though - we simply have no idea. He doesn’t either.
we don’t know what we’re doing. My son has just had enough - and so have I,
we’ve had the most awful year and we just want to run away from everything at this moment. We’re both severely struggling - we’re totally exhausted. we don’t know what to do. There’s so little help available.
Education is hard at the best of times and the older you get the harder it becomes. That was how I found it. It often left me feeling exhausted, drained, brain beaten and needing more rest than it was given. There's so much pressure with education for people with autism. You have the pressures of a big noisy school, college or university and then there's the pressures of the vast amount of people surrounding you and fitting in suddenly is something you feel you need to do. And then there's the pressures of the work. Good grades are what you're after but it takes so much to get them. All the reading in the world didn't make it any easier and I read a lot to try to learn to manage everything! I feel for you and your son. The situation is hard and it does leave you wanting to run away from it all. I felt that way all the time. You turn to the staff and they can't help or if they do the help is no help at all. I felt they weren't really bothered about me at the time. No understanding. It does leave you wanting to leave and wondering what the point in staying is. You seem to be getting nowhere and going nowhere. It adds a lot of confusion into a mix of difficulties you're already struggling with. I'm really sorry you are both going through this. I have been through similar. I wish I could help you. I send you my best and positive vibes, in the hopes that they can carry you through this to better things.
Thank you so much GirlX - that’s exactly how we feel. I’m sorry you’ve experienced this too. I’ve just read your reply to my son and he really appreciates you sharing your experience. He’s often felt like he’s so alone at school and college in feeling this way (though really we know he probably wasn’t (and isn’t). I wish it wasn’t like this for autistic people. I sometimes raised the subject with my son of leaving mainstream education - but he wanted to stick with it and work at fitting in and being ‘normal’ (unhelpful and toxic word but i think we know what we mean by it). On reflection I think that many autistic people would thrive more in schools designed specifically to meet the needs of autistic students. I think that’s what we need - welcoming, low pressure, encouraging, quiet and calm schools that are truly harmonious with autistic pupil’s needs. The problem is that no Government so far has had that level of commitment to autistic people.like most minorities we are not a priority.
Thank you so much for your kind words and positive vibes - they really do mean a lot x
I hope my reply did help your son just a little. I'm never sure how helpful I am. I try to be but never sure if I say too much or the wrong things. Hopefully it's helped him to see he isn't alone. Many people have been where he is now, which doesn't fix the problems of course but at least it's a small comfort to know you aren't in it alone. But I know how lonely those feelings can be and though you aren't really you do feel like it's just you facing it. I did. It needs to change. I think slowly things are changing but it's only gradually and at the moment the changes aren't very noticeable and I don't think there's much help for people with autism unless they are still children. I don't like the word normal either, but it's something I think we all try to be at times. I don't even know what normal is but at times I want it more than anything else. The way you describe that school is brilliant and exactly the way I wish my school had been! We do need a school like that. And hopefully one day there will be one. I'm hoping one day the Government will take us more seriously and give us the help and support we require, for all ages. At the moment there's nowhere enough and it's making life even more difficult for us all. It's got to change. I'm hoping it will soon. For me, you and your son, and everyone who has autism.