• Replies 7 replies
  • Subscribers 71 subscribers
  • Views 1795 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Telling my son he’s autistic

Mumof3

Hi I’m new here and looking for some advice my son who is 12 has just been given his diagnoses after nearly 3 years on the cdact waiting list, also the wait before his actual assessments and observations before going into the cdact list do it’s been a while before reaching this stage! He understands that he was assessed but he’s very much things are black or white, yes or no so refused to accept there was a possibility he’s autistic but now we have his diagnoses I’m worried how to tell him, I know he’ll always remember the day he was told so I want to get it as right as I can though I know sometimes there’s no right or wrong way but I just feel it’s really important I can explain as best I can. We’ve always known deep down and it’s been more prominent as the years have gone on. He’s at a really tricky age trying to identify himself trying to express himself and just become a teenager he has a lot going on in his wee head as it is, he with anxiety issues he has a lot of facial and vocal twitches/ticks he can get very loud though hates loud noise unless he’s making it, he is going through a lot at school now he’s at high school with bulling it’s been awful for him but lo always be his voice, stand up for him and be his biggest supporter

! If anyone has any advice on something to say and not to say to make it more comfortable I’d be really grateful :) 

thank you xx

  • in reply to Mumof3

    You are very welcome. We are here on this forum to help you explain what being autistic means to your son. I am really glad you love the cartoon videos, they really help explain the complexity of autistic experience in a simplistic and positive way. It is really good that your son can relate to the videos and hopefully know he is part of an awesome autistic community.

    The bullying must be really horrible for your son to deal with. 

    ‘The thing is he’ll jump in and stand up for his friends but just struggles to stand up for himself but while standing up for a friend he is then on the receiving end but what do you do you can’t say don’t stand up for people but also you don’t want him involved’

    I understand what you mean, this is a really kind act but at the same time you don’t him to get harmed.

    This book might be useful:

    https://ausometraining.com/product/standing-up-for-myself-digital-book/

    I hope this helps.

  • in reply to Ausomely Autistic

    Thank you for taking the time to link to these there are great I’ve saved the first one into files to show him, I’ve always loved the cartoon type video it’s such a good explanation when I showed him this a couple of years ago he wouldn’t watch but could see he was listening and watching kind of with one eye and when she was walking down the road and it changed to the sounds an autistic person hears he sat right up and said “that’s me, that’s what I hear, it really struck a cord with him :) oh we will always explain things in a positive manner Slight smile

    we are trying hard with regards to bullying I won’t tolerate it and will always speak up for him he’s such a kind hearted wee boy he can be very blunt with friends at times but no one ever ever deserves to be bullied wether being blunt or not! The thing is he’ll jump in and stand up for his friends but just struggles to stand up for himself but while standing up for a friend he is then on the receiving end but what do you do you can’t say don’t stand up for people but also you don’t want him involved xx

  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    Thank you yes we definitely over worry See no evil He doesn’t want people to know I hope in time he’s comfortable enough to let friends know but that’s completely down to him when he chooses to do that. My oldest son is dyspraxic and has no issues about letting others know, he’s 22 living away from home at uni with a lovely gf who understands him well :) anyway I’m just hoping having a diagnoses gives him some kind of comfort and reassurance because it’s never a bad thing to be unique and that extra special like having a wee super power it’s what makes him him and I’d never want to change that because he’s just amazing :) xx

  • in reply to Mumof3

    I’m glad that it’s going well by the sound of it Slight smile

    I quite understand - as parents we do tend to obsess over doing the right thing for our children - it’s only natural I suppose! As an Autistic parent of two autistic son’s I think that when you’ve watched them struggle with school etc you do end up feeling quite paranoid about anything that will add to their distress in any way. 
    I hope your son finds the diagnosis helpful to him in many ways. Best of luck ! 

  • Hello, these videos might be useful:

    https://youtu.be/GOTdEi9_SI4

    I know this video might be aimed at younger children but it could be useful:

    https://youtu.be/RbwRrVw-CRo

    This article may also be useful and the website has some very useful resources:

    https://ausometraining.com/explaining-autism-to-your-child/

    Another resource:

    https://neuroclastic.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/Brain-is-autistic-neuroinclusive-story.pdf

    I hope this helps.

    It is really important to emphasise that being autistic is a different way of being human. It must be really difficult for him to deal with the bullying, so  it is even more important for his autistic neurology to be explained positively.

  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    Hi yes he does partly realise we e been open about it all along just great wasn’t very accepting of any of it he was completely closed off to the idea and would shut me down and want to chat about it he’s very much needs a yes or no answer to things not a maybe and possibly but he seemed to take it in his stride far better than I thought he would, ive tried to explain better in the response above, I suffer with anxiety and think I was just overthinking it all a bit xx 

  • Don’t you think it’s likely that he partly realises already being as he’s gone through the whole assessment process?! Have to you not discussed the possibility of him being autistic at all during this period of time?