Hello, I am sister of autistic teenager

Now I'm 18 I worried about my future too after I finished college.  I all ways worried like what if I don't know how to pay my taxes and my Bills.  I believe that your brother can live by himself and you can find people who can check in with him if he is doing ok .  Teach your bother how to spend and save money.  

• believe in yourself 
• When things get tough don't give up 
• Focus on the positive the things and not the negative things to help you get through it 
• Don't put to much stress 

I work in a supermarket at the moment as a store assistant. If I didn't agree it with management before I started a job it could be like in a previous supermarket loong shifts, even 10h on a till, I can't do that anymore. Luckily new place is more friendly, I get only 2h each of shift during opening hours so I do not have to deal with customers a lot, and I had only till training I don't get shifts on till. 

Basically anything that includes dealing with customers is a no-go now

Yes! The job is a big problem. May I ask what kind of work you do?

Yeah, we are continuously teaching him some life skills. My brother now can cook some dishes, wash dishes and clothes, and clean the floor. He knows the steps but always be unconfident, waiting for our instructions (I think it's due to my parents' criticism and I also suffer from this) 

For independence, he shows a willingness to be independent. He would express that he would like to do something by himself. He could go to school and go home by himself. But sometimes my mother worries that he would make some trouble on the way like twisting from side to side to look left and right on the bus.

Firstly about emotion, write it off, if he doesn't display it, don't expect him to learn it, it's not that he doesn't have emotion, he does.

Secondly, don't dote on him too much, give him some independence, just because he is Autistic doesn't mean he can't have any independence. 

Thirdly, if you teach him some life skills, you might have to explain it more, than you would to someone else, not because he is mentally incapable, its because he might want to know more, like why you do a particular thing in a set way. 

The majority of people with Autism can live independently, it's just maintaining a support network 

YAN said:

how could he live by himself?

of course he can, many of us live single, I do for years

problem is getting a job if I lose it, so he might need help with that

i wish my sisters were like you - supportive and accepting

Hi Sphynx,

I really appreciate your words. It has comforted me a lot.

Yes, I totally agree that autistic people don't need to be cured. But it's difficult for people in China to accept. In some traditional cultures, autism is still a shame. I really wanna contribute a little to changing this misunderstanding (at least for my parents) although it's hard. I would like to start by learning about the support system in the UK and then apply this experience to writing my MA dissertation. Hopefully, my work could have some meaning.

Many many thanks to you:)

Thanks for your reply. I have learned a lot.

My brother loves music, the change in numbers and sports. We sent him to study piano and cucurbit flute. He does well in practising but does not put any emotion into his music. We understand that he already does a great job.

The thing we worry about is his future. When our parents pass away, how could he live by himself? Do you have any understanding of this question?

Hi Yan, 

Thank you for reaching out to the forum. Your ambition to help improve the support system in China is generous, I’m grateful for it even though I don’t have Chinese heritage.

Two things come to mind. 
Firstly, there are a lot of harmful misconceptions about autism out there. It can come with immense gifts as well as huge challenges. Despite these challenges, autistic people don’t need to be cured. We need to be understood, valued and supported. Learn as much as you can about your brother’s needs, and find out about his strengths. Chat to other autistic people - the community here is always up for conversations, answering questions to the best of our ability, and sharing our experience of life on the spectrum. As your awareness grows, let it infuse your relationship with your brother, and let your parents learn from this, if they’re open to doing so.
The second thing I would say is, look after yourself. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself to transform the system. Change takes time, and it can be exhausting if you feel you’re mostly on your own working for a cause you really care about. It sounds like your parents struggle with your brother’s difficulties. I hope that you can find the space for your needs to be recognised and met too. 
Take care and feel free to reach out if you have questions or would just like to chat

First, be the friend she needs. Second, try and contact her parents and say what you have been seeing and maybe that will open them up to making a doctors appointment. Third, tell her that it’s ok if she is on the spectrum and that you will help her if she needs anything. That’s the best advice I would give.

I think that you have taken a positive step, I think the biggest thing is not to generalise, no two Autistics experience the world the same as the other.

What are your brother's interests?

Maybe use that to get closer to him.

Understand what triggers meltdowns or shutdowns and how you can prevent them, and importantly what can be done to work round them