Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there,
A couple of weeks ago, my young son was diagnosed with autism. Even though this wasn't a shock, it's still been hard for me and my wife. I am struggling in my own head to know where to go next. Not in terms of information, that is clear and the help is clearly spelt out on websites like this, just mentally.
I can't help feeling guilty and worrying greatly about his future. I blame myself, which I know is not healthy or necessary, but given I recently took the online autism test (scored 40) it has left me in limbo. I'm a grown adult with a good life, so there's no need for me to be diagnosed, I've just been lucky to be able to mask how I feel about the world and feel inside all of my 36 years, but now I need to try and nurture a very young one, and I'm finding it hard to know how. I have told very few people of his diagnosis, none of my friends, as I tend to keep myself to myself, I'm certainly not embarrassed, he's a wonderful little kid. But I feel like I need to talk to someone or hear from someone. Strangers might be the best way forward.
James
Wow that's Great! I think I need to remember the give and take. It certainly isn't all bad
Thank you. My boy is 5 so in a similar situation as you were. It's really helpful to read this kind of thing. We don't know anyone going through similar, so it is a great help
I'm autistic and have an autistic daughter, Please do not feel guilty in any way, autism gives as well as takes away. I had a great career in scientific research and my daughter is now in her second year of a chemistry degree and so far this year her lowest score in an exam or coursework is 94% - she is a bit of a prodigy. She has real problems with anxiety, but overall manages very well.
Hello,
When my son was diagnosed at 4 I was terrified. I wasn't sure what it meant for him, for us or our future. It was really a scary and emotional time. Be gentle with yourself and your partner, you will work through it if you support each other.
You possibly being on the spectrum is a real benefit to your boy! You might not think so at times, it does make it challenging, but understanding him and his needs help you to advocate for him better.
My son is now 20. We have a very happy 'normal' life together and have a great relationship. I was diagnosed just over a year ago.
You've come to the right place for advice and support :)
Beats my 35 . Next step is your GP for a referral then a loooong wait to be seen by a specialist.
I scored 40
Thank you very much. Yes I'll be happy for him to make friends and just be happy, just got to get my head around everything, but reading other people's stories do help. So thank you
If you are wondering about yourself, just do the AQ50 and see where you are. You can decide depending on the result
https://psychology-tools.com/test/autism-spectrum-quotient
I'm glad for you and your son that he has the certainty of a diagnosis - it should certainly help as things go forward with education, so that you and school can work together to help put all the best things in place.
There is certainly no harm in pursuing a diagnosis for yourself if you think that you are on the spectrum - it can bring peace of mind, and even if you already "know," some of the professional insights on the feedback from the diagnosis can be very interesting.
All you can do for the future is prepare for all eventualities. Both my brother and I are autistic - I live on my own, studied to post-grad level, work full time as a teacher, etc. My brother lives at home, scraped a handful of GCSEs, works part time in Asda. Both of us are happy in our lives and physically healthy - it's all that matters. I know my parents worry about what will happen to my brother when they pass on, but that is what siblings are for - I'd not let anything happen to him.