How long to adjust to diagnosis?

After what feels like a lifetime of Ill defined mental health problems and difficulties I’ve finally revived a diagnosis for ASD at the start of December, a few days shy of my 40th birthday. I’m finding the whole thing a little hard to get my head around and I guess it’d be good to know how long other people took to accept and adjust to their diagnosis? I spent the first month kind of ignoring it but have just started really hammering the books to understand what it means so I can maybe start understand who I am.

it feels like I’ve been completely alone in this for so long that I don’t really know how to accept or understand my thoughts and feelings, my wife is amazing but I can’t really express to her how I feel as I don’t have the language. I’m relieved that I’m not just odd and a failure at life but I also feel this means that things I find difficult are never going to really be surmountable.

also starting conversations on the internet shakes me almost as much as doing so in real life which doesn’t help, thanks for reading :)

PersonAnon over 3 years ago

I was diagnosed in my 60s (last year). Not sure what it looks like when you've 'adjusted' to the diagnosis. I was deeply shocked, not remotely 'relieved' (as others who've been diagnosed say they were) and I also hit the research. I hope you find there many positive aspects of autism (I did). I think we have to accept it, but accepting it includes a recognition that it's not good, or bad, it's just who you are. Except in a very technical sense, relating to some Government benefits, it isn't a 'disability'. I certainly don't view it like that.

Having a diagnosis helps with your self knowledge, and self knowledge will help you navigate the neuro typical world with less turbulence. That's the way I look at it.

Wishing you all the best with it and welcome to the club!
Akkrenskarin over 3 years ago

'fraid I can't be much help here! For me the diagnosis was just a formality, because I knew I was autistic - I just wanted it on an official piece of paper to help me with negotiating with work over some reasonable adjustments. I was in my mid-30s when I was diagnosed, and it was just pleasingly validating. Because I have worked with so many amazing autistic boys for so many years, I don't have any negative perceptions of autism at all - I love being autistic and would not change myself for the world (although the free dyspraxia that came with it can do one) and once I had the diagnosis and could tell people, it almost felt like coming out - a celebratory experience.
Martin over 3 years ago

I was diagnosed last year at 59. I had done a huge amount of research before my assessment, which was really just a validation of what I already knew, so I accepted the diagnosis immediately and with a huge amount of relief. Coming to terms with being autistic and having a new identity as an autistic person took longer. I think that by about 6 months post-diagnosis, I had fully assimilated the situation.
Emily over 3 years ago

I found the diagnosis stressful and overwhelming and I'm not sure if I've adjusted to it yet and its been years. I guess the hardest thing for me is that I've got the diagnosis but that's it, no other help or support, they just left me on my own to deal with it. Still waiting to accept it and know what to do next.
Cassandraa over 3 years ago

Welcome to the family of asd :)

I was diagnosed early and I'm nearly 25 now and life is just a rollercoaster. There's very little to no support for adults on the spectrum which is why I came here. If you have any questions or concerns please message here lots of people will be able to help you.

Like you I found it hard at first but eventually you just sort of grow in to if that makes sense.
JonOz over 3 years ago

I received my diagnosis at 64, I'm trying to understand what to do with it? I can't go around with a label saying "I'm ASD - you have to put up with it!".

I am struggling where to get guidance to make life a little better for me and my long-suffering non-ASD partner who has put up with a lot over the past 30 years.
SallyCinnamon over 3 years ago

Hey.. Welcome to the club.

I was diagnosed just over a year ago at 46.

I wish I could give you a timescale but the truth is it's a messy bunch of different emotions that people will work through differently.

You do come out the other end though :)

The most positive thing for me is that I am much more accepting of and kinder to myself. That does wonders for your mental health.

Wish you well on your voyage of self discovery!
O over 3 years ago

I felt the same I’m 22 I got my diagnosis in march last year so almost a year now I’d say for my it took about 8 months for me to understand fully even though I basically already knew before my diagnosis but the confirmation of my suspicions was very jarring and thinking back I definitely didn’t understand it.

I read over my report looked up certain things I didn’t know, kept doing my own research on the internet reading papers and blogs and so on. Eventually I felt like I knew enough for me, about me and the diagnosis and I just deleted the report off my phone cleared all the search history from I was reading and said to my self. “I know enough now I’ve spent all my life wondering and torturing myself as to why I’m not like everyone else but now I know and I have a valid reason.” I somehow moved on got a job and just started doing things that I wanted to do and stopped doing things I didn’t want to do (unless they were things I HAD to do that’s not the same). I basically listened to my actual self rather than listen to the part of myself who i thought that everyone around me would accept.

I can go on but I don’t want to make this reply much longer than it already is but I’m happy to talk about it.