Published on 12, July, 2020
HELLO. I am Mum to a 9yr old boy who was diagnosed last year with both ADHD/ASD. Currently my little boy is withdrawn and socially awkward. He barely speaks to other children and has attached himself to another little boy with the same disorder in his class. Although they are great friends, it doesnt help him mix with classmates. He feels alone at times as his friend likes football and he hates any contact sport or personal contact! I have been told he can walk around alone at breaks which is just heartbreaking.
He has just started art therapy in school though I know very little from it. He doesnt share much information.
I am finding it difficult to get him to engage with us socially at weekends. He refuses to go out and will not even go for short walk.
Does anyone out there have any suggestions or have been through similar difficulty?
Would really appreciate the support right now x
NAS77181 said:I am finding it difficult to get him to engage with us socially at weekends. He refuses to go out and will not even go for short walk.
have you considered activities he might enjoy? That might help stoke some enthusiasm.
Hi,
As someone who has been that kid, I would like to let you know that every single friend I made throughout school was either autistic or later got diagnosed as autistic. I found everyone else confusing, they found me 'weird', this led to disaster when I attempted to socialise with them when forced to by my primary school teachers (who would discipline me if they thought I wasn't "practicing making friends" enough through loss of quiet time and books) and I was badly bullied for most of KS2 and then again for all of KS3. I know you only want the best for your child, but I think you should talk to your child about what they want, and accept that they may not be motivated by having hundreds of friends but instead prefer a few very select ones. Children are cruel to what they see as other, and personally I preferred being alone (not the same as lonely) to being picked on and feeling utterly exhausted all the time due to the socialisation I was having to do.
Being alone is not necessarily a problem. I recommend talking to him about his goals
Well at least he has a friend to talk to who shares a similar condition to himself.
He probably enjoys walking and wondering around school during his breaks, but I guess just not with anyone else, as he won't go out on short walks with you or other people. Maybe those solo walks give him some personal time to think and reflect and observe the school atmosphere.
He might feel drained by social engagements and need a lot of alone time to recuperate his energy. It seems like you are needing or expecting more social interaction than he can provide to you or towards other people, and that demand or pressure to socially engage might be stressful for him.
Of course, if he has a personal interest that he can share with someone, he likely will not hold back on socially engaging with them about it.
I think it's really lovely your son has found a little friend to tag along with who shares similar difficulties, I wish I had that at his age.
In reguards to your son getting too attached to his friend it may be because they share the same understandings or feelings that many others don't experience or understand nearly as well meaning, they might be able to boost each others comfidence and happiness in school when they are together.
If your son was only diagnosed a year ago with ADHD and ASD he still may be getting to grips with everything and so is even more so hanging around his friend to get that little bit of comfort and support from someone of the same age. I personally haven't had the exact exsperiences your son is having now but I did know a child just like him of similar age to your son with ADHD and ASD too. He was very kind and he didn't have great communication or social skills but was very lovely and certainly made some friendly attachments too. He would love to hug pretty much everyone he met and was very special and I think his friends really benifited him. He was best friends with my brother and he loved him a lot because they had so much understanding for each other and I think for the boy it was because everyone else in their class didn't accept him as much or at all, it was special to finally find someone with some things in common for him.
It's rare that you make friends like that. I think overtime your son will loosen the relationship to a more relaxed state but at the moment I think because they may share so many similarities, it can be lovely to share that. I used to make sometimes too strong relationships with my friends and so found it really hard to be away from them but it was like being around them almost gave me a breathe of fresh air [sometimes].
I think at the moment your son is gripping on to him because it's that little extra bit of support he may be needing now, away from the neurotypical children and people who may understand a little less in some cases.
Your son is not alone because I know people who show similar behaviors to your son with ADHD and ASD like prefering less interation with other children and activities, it seems he may need a little boost in comfidence but I know in my experience, being outdoors [if possible] with nature is great. I sometimes hate the thought of going out on a walk but once I am outside it helps me masively and gives me time to be with my thoughts - away from overwealming noises and situations.
Goodluck with everything and I hope I helped as much as I could. :]
MJFR
Many autistic children need to be alone at break times in order to self regulate. As long as he is happy spending time alone- then there may not be a problem. I understand your concerns but sometimes socialising may just cause unnecessary anxiety/energy depletions.
Also at weekends he may need time to recover from the potential overload of the school week. At this time it may just be better to use a low arousal/expectations as possible and make sure he can spend a lot of time on his interests.
He may find it easier to socialise during the holidays as there is a longer time period before he goes back to school.
I hope this helps.
tough one --- he has one friend which is good. does being alone bother him ?