Published on 12, July, 2020
I am a married woman with Aspergers and I will use NT in this post even though I dislike that label but it is convenient..I have never posted before and this is long so don't feel obliged to read on. I feel Aspergers partners are always classed as something NTs have to 'suffer' and this is wrong.
I am always calm and rational. I find my NT partner gets easily hyped up, stressed, impatient, worried, irritable and irrational. I find him hard work a lot of the time. I am not confused by him. I am also not cold or lacking in empathy. I have a PhD in science but also work as a therapist and enjoy painting and playing several instruments. I adore my children and am physically and verbally affectionate with my children and husband,. My husband and I deeply love each other. But I don't fit the stereotype of someone with Asoergers as being easily upset and inflexible. I have had to teach myself how to respond appropriately verbally and gesturally. I almost never get anxious and I genuinely don't feel awe or impressed by much so never get intimidated by other people. My husband gets frustrated that he can tell me about something he finds impressive and I respond with 'that's nice but why is it impressive?'. I am not arrogant, I know everyone can do things I can't or they have talents I don't. I just don't relate to anyone or belong anywhere. I know how to be sociable and 'work's the room but feel it's a job (one I enjoy but I am very tired and glad to go home like a satisfying but exhausting day at work).
I am very honest and direct and I don't get embarrassed so can be uninhibited but I know how to be polite and I know when to be inhibited as I know what NTs find embarrassing..I also have a witty sense of humour and am fun loving. I am not a sstereotype.i know NTs find my humour and lack of inhibition entertaining andi sometimes play on that to make friends laugh but I am aware.
I follow buddhism and meditate each day. Reading the Buddhist texts gives me a sense of connection I dont feel anywhere else. I feel like an alien. But I am saddened that Aspergers is always seen as the problem in relationships. Personally I find NT individuals generally emotionally chaotic and reactive and I am frequently having to step back, 'rise above it's. Not to sound patronising to NTs but when I watch the news it's like the whole world is irrational and narcissistic.
So when all these NTs find living with Aspergers is difficult and I find nothing but negativity on Google, this leaves me feeling extremely misunderstood and isolated. I feel Aspegers has made me gifted and clear thinking. My friends say I am the calmest person they know. I am stubborn and if I'm working on something can put off eating and sleeping until it's done. I am also controlling about order and germs and about how things should be done. But I am politically liberal, open minded and tolerant. I am not perfect but I'm not something that needs fixing.
Aspergers is misrepresented in articles.on couples where one person has Asoergers. I think I am a catch as much as my husband is. I am not grateful somebody is 'putting up' with me. I am mostly a good person and loving partner.. I am grateful I met my lovely husband because he is lovely but we are equals.
Everything you said I aggree with because I see the same on the internet and even though I am Autistic have a decent amount of tolerance with the world. I hate seeing the programs and articles where it says how difficult it is to date or be friends with someone with Autism or ASD. I find they are very steriotypical and people make money off of programs like this, by acting out a life they do not understand. We are so capable of anything we can set our minds to but as soon as someone knows we are Autistic/ on the spectrum we are pictured differently - our whole image becomes just that we may be Autistic. When I am at school, I am extremely whitty and sometimes don't know when to stop but at home I am setteled and don't feel the need to be so crazy like I am at school. Being my whitty self can sometimes be my discuise and I don't even realise it. I don't always experience Autism serverely but sometimes it will spike like many people who are on the spectrum. once we recive a diagnosis we are sometimes separated from the NT's and the fact that there are the words 'Neurotypical' and 'Neurodiverse' divide us as if we come from a different universe. Sometimes I can come on too strong and struggle to balence things at school and do actually worry if I am 'too much' for people.
I love how you are a Buddhist - I look up to that because meditating everyday and having that to focus on is really good and I wish I could get myself into that routine of meditation each day.
If the word Autism is mentioned around an NT, it almost goes into their minds as it's bad luck and a difficulty, incapabuility, and disabuility - it is not.
Thank you for making this post, it made me feel like I'm not alone because I can relate to a lot of your post.
Partly why I don't like to pegion hold as just Autistic and rather say I'm ASD or what ever so people realise where I am along the spectrum so I'm not sterotyped. Or just veiwed as another TV character with sterotipical traits of autism. Even though I guess there's no such thing as sterotypes when it comes to autism as not one of us is the same anyway. But yeah TV does piss me off on how it portrays us to all be the same way inclined. Even if I do like some of the shows and can relate a bit to them at least. I did like A Typical tbf that was pretty good.