Asperger partners are not always a problem

I am a married woman with Aspergers and I will use NT in this post even though I dislike that label but it is convenient..I have never posted before and this is long so don't feel obliged to read on. I feel Aspergers partners are always classed as something NTs have to 'suffer' and this is wrong.

I am always calm and rational. I find my NT partner gets easily hyped up, stressed, impatient, worried, irritable and irrational. I find him hard work a lot of the time. I am not confused by him. I am also not cold or lacking in empathy. I have a PhD in science but also work as a therapist and enjoy painting and playing several instruments. I adore my children and am physically and verbally affectionate with my children and husband,. My husband and I deeply love each other. But I don't fit the stereotype of someone with Asoergers as being easily upset and inflexible. I have had to teach myself how to respond appropriately verbally and gesturally. I almost never get anxious and I genuinely don't feel awe or impressed by much so never get intimidated by other people. My husband gets frustrated that he can tell me about something he finds impressive and I respond with 'that's nice but why is it impressive?'. I am not arrogant, I know everyone can do things I can't or they have talents I don't. I just don't relate to anyone or belong anywhere. I know how to be sociable and 'work's the room but feel it's a job (one I enjoy but I am very tired and glad to go home like a satisfying but exhausting day at work).

I am very honest and direct and I don't get embarrassed so can be uninhibited but I know how to be polite and I know when to be inhibited as I know what NTs find embarrassing..I also have a witty sense of humour and am fun loving. I am not a sstereotype.i know NTs find my humour and lack of inhibition entertaining andi sometimes play on that to make friends laugh but I am aware.

I follow buddhism and meditate each day. Reading the Buddhist texts gives me a sense of connection I dont feel anywhere else. I feel like an alien. But I am saddened that Aspergers is always seen as the problem in relationships. Personally I find NT individuals generally emotionally chaotic and reactive and I am frequently having to step back, 'rise above it's. Not to sound patronising to NTs but when I watch the news it's like the whole world is irrational and narcissistic.

So when all these NTs find living with Aspergers is difficult and I find nothing but negativity on Google, this leaves me feeling extremely misunderstood and isolated. I feel Aspegers has made me gifted and clear thinking. My friends say I am the calmest person they know. I am stubborn and if I'm working on something can put off eating and sleeping until it's done. I am also controlling about order and germs and about how things should be done. But I am politically liberal, open minded and tolerant. I am not perfect but I'm not something that needs fixing.

Aspergers is misrepresented in articles.on couples where one person has Asoergers. I think I am a catch as much as my husband is. I am not grateful somebody is 'putting up' with me. I am mostly a good person and loving partner.. I am grateful I met my lovely husband because he is lovely but we are equals.

Parents

NAS77030 over 4 years ago

Everything you said I aggree with because I see the same on the internet and even though I am Autistic have a decent amount of tolerance with the world. I hate seeing the programs and articles where it says how difficult it is to date or be friends with someone with Autism or ASD. I find they are very steriotypical and people make money off of programs like this, by acting out a life they do not understand. We are so capable of anything we can set our minds to but as soon as someone knows we are Autistic/ on the spectrum we are pictured differently - our whole image becomes just that we may be Autistic. When I am at school, I am extremely whitty and sometimes don't know when to stop but at home I am setteled and don't feel the need to be so crazy like I am at school. Being my whitty self can sometimes be my discuise and I don't even realise it. I don't always experience Autism serverely but sometimes it will spike like many people who are on the spectrum. once we recive a diagnosis we are sometimes separated from the NT's and the fact that there are the words 'Neurotypical' and 'Neurodiverse' divide us as if we come from a different universe. Sometimes I can come on too strong and struggle to balence things at school and do actually worry if I am 'too much' for people.

I love how you are a Buddhist - I look up to that because meditating everyday and having that to focus on is really good and I wish I could get myself into that routine of meditation each day.

If the word Autism is mentioned around an NT, it almost goes into their minds as it's bad luck and a difficulty, incapabuility, and disabuility - it is not.

Thank you for making this post, it made me feel like I'm not alone because I can relate to a lot of your post.

Reply

NAS77030 over 4 years ago

Everything you said I aggree with because I see the same on the internet and even though I am Autistic have a decent amount of tolerance with the world. I hate seeing the programs and articles where it says how difficult it is to date or be friends with someone with Autism or ASD. I find they are very steriotypical and people make money off of programs like this, by acting out a life they do not understand. We are so capable of anything we can set our minds to but as soon as someone knows we are Autistic/ on the spectrum we are pictured differently - our whole image becomes just that we may be Autistic. When I am at school, I am extremely whitty and sometimes don't know when to stop but at home I am setteled and don't feel the need to be so crazy like I am at school. Being my whitty self can sometimes be my discuise and I don't even realise it. I don't always experience Autism serverely but sometimes it will spike like many people who are on the spectrum. once we recive a diagnosis we are sometimes separated from the NT's and the fact that there are the words 'Neurotypical' and 'Neurodiverse' divide us as if we come from a different universe. Sometimes I can come on too strong and struggle to balence things at school and do actually worry if I am 'too much' for people.

I love how you are a Buddhist - I look up to that because meditating everyday and having that to focus on is really good and I wish I could get myself into that routine of meditation each day.

If the word Autism is mentioned around an NT, it almost goes into their minds as it's bad luck and a difficulty, incapabuility, and disabuility - it is not.

Thank you for making this post, it made me feel like I'm not alone because I can relate to a lot of your post.

Children

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