Published on 12, July, 2020
Today I was all ready to go out, it was planned, I'd got ready, lots of details accounted for. Then I found out I had to find somewhere new and go in alone, I over thought it. The birthday girl had implied earlier that week that it was fine if I couldn't make it, I over thought that. I sat in my new outfit hating the ankle gap between my shoes and my jeans, I got changed, the gap was still there. I was cold, I'm always always cold and I hate being out and being cold so I changed my jacket the ankle gap was more annoying so I took off the boots and my jacket and sat down.the day ran just little the Little Miss Shy book....except nobody came to collect me. I've masked the problem, nobody will question my plausable absence from today and so my life continues.
This is something I would do too , even to my own family.
Unfortunately there's no stop button to stop your brain from overthinking .
Or no f***k it button to make you get up and go .
I totally understand all of this. So often I have to force myself to leave the house. Usually it results in me enjoying myself but it takes a lot of up front effort. Hopefully you can catch up quietly with the birthday girl and make her feel special anyway, and in a way that doesn't upset you.
This is me all over. I want to be able to socialise and go out amd be “normal” but it seems to much peopel expect to much and are to hard to please so i just keep myself to myself and stay a loner lol. I just cant vibe with most people need someone to understand me.
Would you get a dog they really have helped me.
I have strange parking issues if i am driving , I will plan the day before the route , where i'm going to park (the actual slot) ,when to leave so I arrive in the time I have planned for ,If the parking slot is not available or i am stuck in traffic thats it im off home as the day has been wasted and not cannot rest until I get home. Even if its just a simple shopping trip .
I know the feeling, too. This reminds me of my teens and twenties in particular.
You chose to take care of you. I think that's awesome. (But then that's because that's what I'd do these days after years of doing the opposite and eventually realising it didn't work for me.) I'd even celebrate that decision. Maybe you'll go to the next social event, maybe things will be easier for you beforehand. But this time it wasn't.
And yep, for me it did often come down to getting stuck on what to wear when fashion included something very uncomfortable like cold ankles. These days the cost of masking gets weighed against the benefits of attending things. It's not always easy to figure that out, but over time I'm getting better at it.
I’ve taught myself that perfect is rarely achievable and tolerable is acceptable. If I’m due to go out I set a time to leave in my head and just go, always with “I can leave when I want” in the back of my mind, but at least I got out and gave it a shot.
You're not alone. I struggle with this all the time. I either grit my teeth and go for it before I change my mind or decide to do it another day if I can. Forgive yourself for being you. It's ok to have a bad day or to be afraid.
Know the feeling.
If I want to go somewhere, I go. If I don't, I don't. The only times I experience the kind of inner conflict you described is when I'm not listening to myself. No one makes me do anything I don't want to do— except me. I'm the one who pretends he wants to go out, but really doesn't. I'm the one who pretends he wants to stay in, but really doesn't. With age, you begin to learn how to align your outer actions better with what you really want inside, and the kind of conflict you're describing happens less and less often. Stick with it! It gets better.
I think I have felt like what you describe, with my fancy jeans on and everything set, and a free get-out clause, and didn't make the front door
Thank you for replying.i made a real effort today and I still couldn't let myself just be me
In the past I found that I Quite like being alone, but sometimes I did crave human interaction. However, the human interaction I craved was not available because I don't know anyone I "vibe" with. So it was better to be alone, even at those times.
But I did go to quite a few social functions in an attempt to connect, but found myself withdrawing to a corner, or the kitchen to find something I can do to help to avoid normal social interactions. Then I would slip out the back door and leave without saying goodbye to anyone.
Having said that, these days I am lucky to have my kids who I totally vibe with and we can talk and joke for hours. Having them has made me even less sociable though, because I have everything I need at home now.
Masking, and uncomfortable clothes, are part-and-parcel of our lives.
I always dress dapper when in the big smoke, but at home I couldn't wait to get out of those clothes. Clothes tags always made me itchy as a boy.
Such is life.