Published on 12, July, 2020
Today I was all ready to go out, it was planned, I'd got ready, lots of details accounted for. Then I found out I had to find somewhere new and go in alone, I over thought it. The birthday girl had implied earlier that week that it was fine if I couldn't make it, I over thought that. I sat in my new outfit hating the ankle gap between my shoes and my jeans, I got changed, the gap was still there. I was cold, I'm always always cold and I hate being out and being cold so I changed my jacket the ankle gap was more annoying so I took off the boots and my jacket and sat down.the day ran just little the Little Miss Shy book....except nobody came to collect me. I've masked the problem, nobody will question my plausable absence from today and so my life continues.
In the past I found that I Quite like being alone, but sometimes I did crave human interaction. However, the human interaction I craved was not available because I don't know anyone I "vibe" with. So it was better to be alone, even at those times.
But I did go to quite a few social functions in an attempt to connect, but found myself withdrawing to a corner, or the kitchen to find something I can do to help to avoid normal social interactions. Then I would slip out the back door and leave without saying goodbye to anyone.
Having said that, these days I am lucky to have my kids who I totally vibe with and we can talk and joke for hours. Having them has made me even less sociable though, because I have everything I need at home now.