Published on 12, July, 2020
Today I was all ready to go out, it was planned, I'd got ready, lots of details accounted for. Then I found out I had to find somewhere new and go in alone, I over thought it. The birthday girl had implied earlier that week that it was fine if I couldn't make it, I over thought that. I sat in my new outfit hating the ankle gap between my shoes and my jeans, I got changed, the gap was still there. I was cold, I'm always always cold and I hate being out and being cold so I changed my jacket the ankle gap was more annoying so I took off the boots and my jacket and sat down.the day ran just little the Little Miss Shy book....except nobody came to collect me. I've masked the problem, nobody will question my plausable absence from today and so my life continues.
I know the feeling, too. This reminds me of my teens and twenties in particular.
You chose to take care of you. I think that's awesome. (But then that's because that's what I'd do these days after years of doing the opposite and eventually realising it didn't work for me.) I'd even celebrate that decision. Maybe you'll go to the next social event, maybe things will be easier for you beforehand. But this time it wasn't.
And yep, for me it did often come down to getting stuck on what to wear when fashion included something very uncomfortable like cold ankles. These days the cost of masking gets weighed against the benefits of attending things. It's not always easy to figure that out, but over time I'm getting better at it.