Newly Diagnosed and confused

Hi Mark

I'm a mid-50s aspie too.     Like others have said, there's no 'right' way to feel.

It's early days yet for you to unpack all of your life's experience and re-frame it with the new information.

May I ask what triggered your search for a diagnosis?

You'll be surprised with yourself when you figure our your strengths and weaknesses.

I always suggest looking back to your childhood and think about the things you used to enjoy - and why.      Things like Lego or models etc.

What did you enjoy?

Hi Plastic,

I have always felt "different" but never understood it? I know I have always thought differently, but was always told "dont be silly" among other similar comments.. So, I think on reflection, that is why I have always kept my opinions and thoughts etc, buried to myself.. People just didnt understand what I was trying to say or express.

I so wanted to be evryones friend,(still do) but over time, I got the feeling that people thought I was a bit weird (My perception only) Which in turn, just increased my self thinking. People tell me I am argumentative, but to me I am analysing every detail and try to give a balanced "devil's advocat" point of view? As recently as this Sunday, a friend I was visiting (I did tell them my diagnosis) stated to me that I, have always been an over thinker on things!

Even later that day I was haveing a (in my opinion) discussion with another person in our company. It was obviously dragging on a bit and I could see the person was getting frustrated, my friend said to him " you wont win this" which I found internally upsetting! as I was not trying to "win" anything, just portray an alternative way to look at the scinario! to me seemed a natural way to balance, but we both still had our opinions.

I also (always have) got frustrated, to internal meltdown, where I may fly off in a rage then go and ruminate about things for several days. But never express how the situations would make me feel, I alwys think, I have tried to tell people why I acted in the way I did / do, but they just dont get it! or i think they dont and have not listened to me. So when that scinario happens again, for example someting being moved from where I left it, even if I havent used it in a week, when I go to get it, its not there, I get so frustrated! I would then say I have asked for things to be left where they are, I know where it is and can just put my hand on it when I need it!

I must admit it seems un fair to the other person (mainly my wife) but I can not control it... this frightens me.

To be honest, I suppose, it spurred me on to research autism in some way, then I asked gp to refer me for an assessment. Hence, where I am today! I just now have rushes of questions and what if's all the time. I dont understand what it really is or "Who I am"?

My wife has been so supportive and understanding, but unfortunately bares the brunt of my moods! I have spoken with some people to give her some support too.. but she seems more able to understand everything than I am.

I also catastrophize a lot? Not sure how to deal with that?

Sorry for the diversion! its just all popped in to my head.. These are just some of the things that made me seek a diagnosis. I seem to have sensory issues with some fabrics, I can hear conversations of people a little distance away from me above a conversation I am actually in? (but not always) smells can be stronger at times for me! But thanks to your video suggestions, I can understand a bit more, but I want to know "How TO" deal with this, or do I "Need to" deal with this? this is part of my confusion, also what people think of me, why / what do I do that is weird to them? Perhaps its just me opening up about this after all these years?

With regard to things I liked as a child, maybe construction toys not particularly lego, but have played with lego. I used to draw but as in copy from a book, not as in free thinking (which I find difficuly as in drawing)

always liked cooking (I am a chef) but liked cooking from a very young age.

Liked fishing and still go fishing, fresh and sea!

Be silly! You can be silly here. I can be really silly--characters n voices like comedians. Silly voices help take out the seriousness of life-I think. My mom is where I learned my silliness from. 

Thanks, Ohhh I can be silly believe me!!!

Thanks, Ohhh I can be silly believe me!!!