Newly Diagnosed and confused

Yes, thank you, I appreciate that

i replied to your PM  

Back 'atcha. This group has helped me incredibly too. Glad you're HERE & you found us!

Dawn,

Thank you so much, I have had great replies, I am so grateful, to each and everyone, it has really helped me.. I hope I can return the kindness everyone has shown me.. If I can help anyone in any way, I am more than happy to do so.

Normal? What's normal? That said, a lot of us are 50+ and many of us are experiencing something similar. Bring all your questions here. We're all different but it's a good bet someone will recognise whatever your asking.

I hope we can help you feel less confused and less lonely :-)

Thank you,

"Lemonade"!  is chilling as I type lol lol...

Thanks, Ohhh I can be silly believe me!!!

Hi Mark

I get you totally. Probably. Ish. Apart from the amoeba thing. You can keep those

I’m 51 and was diagnosed 18 months ago. It certainly raises lots of questions, especially after a lifetime of masking. It’s like being given a different pair of glasses to view life through....and you have to use them to look behind you, retrospectively,  too.

I understand all your questions and your reasons behind them. I’m still working through the same stuff many months PD - post diagnosis. I feel like I’ve lost as much (if not more) of my identity as I’ve lost...if that makes any sense? 

Hey ho. Let’s keep barbecuing with a glass/tin in hand.

♀️

S x

Be silly! You can be silly here. I can be really silly--characters n voices like comedians. Silly voices help take out the seriousness of life-I think. My mom is where I learned my silliness from. 

as the old proverb states!

"It's a long road that has no turning"

perhaps I am approaching the first bend! I do hope so...

Cool - it's one of the hardest things to do when you realise that you're not the same as everyone else.     The trick is to find your niche - where you just magically fit and can stand down.

Thanks Plastic,

For some reaon, I have always had a low self- esteem, Im not confident, I always criticize myself and seem to be very harsh on myself! But I am hoping to change that.. "Im Here" I have raised my foot on to the first rung of a long ladder.. I am actually feeling good today!

Yeah - I think you've tried - and partially succeeded - in playing at being 'normal' for so long that you are lost in it.    A lot of the people are not necessarily your friends - they are drinking buddies - you are buying their hospitality.     If they wouldn't understand the 'real' you, what are you really gaining from this?

I understand why you do it - you think you have no alternative - but that is grossly short-selling yourself.      You seem to have an interesting mind - and it seems such a shame to not be able to be yourself.

Hello

I suppose, I find a momentery peace with alchol, maybe I need to recognise other ways, but that is what I meant earlier when I mentioned, this is all I know, I have been doing this for so long!  I like being on my own, but I do feel the need for interaction with people, hence why I go to the pub, to be a part of "Normal society" or at least thats how I have always seen it! People in the pub and friends, dont understand what is going on behind the scenes in my mind.

I cant, or indeed couldnt explain it to them, so rather than upset or make anyone feel uncomfortable, "I" deal with it.. Now perhaps I can see other options and am very slowly letting myself understand how it is for me!

Like I said previously, I like sitting on the decking when I return from the pub, have a glass of something, but on occasion not have a glass of something! I like the still of the night and the ripple of the breeze in the trees.. That allows me to think deeper and say things in my mind that I know most of my friends wouldnt get? Like the emense power of nature in general. However I dont always think this without the alcohol, as I can only guess I am to busy trying to fit in or be normal!

Or should I say what I think is NT peoples idea of "Normal"?

Im now envoking thoughts of What is normal to anyone? Who in the beginning stated what "Normal" is? But surely that was that individuals "Normal" ? So who decided the "rule book" for normal!! lol, Im just bouncing jolly conversation in my mind, which is good for me, I think..

Any way, I have digressed, I also like the sea and sea fishing, love been on a boat floating and relaxing, with or without people joining me. I have seen the power of the sea and what it can do! It has its own unstoppable course and will do as it pleases! but also has a most serene and tranquil side. It just facinates me!

Life shouldn't be this stressful.     Where do you find peace?      What type of people would you like to be with?  

Hi @markochef65

I really sympathise with you being forced into doing something so stressful that you need 'help'

I couldn't do that - the unpredictability of the help would add more stress to me - would I be underperforming but without the judgement to be able to measure my delivery?

I would like to say Plastic, Thanks to you guys on here, I have actually

"Talked about" this for the first time and have said more in the last few days than I have ever imagined I could.

Im am not at all comfortable saying it, but I am glad I have. It is a form of release, so THANK YOU to you all. It means a lot.

Sometimes, there is little or no choice in the people or the social setting that you are faced with. When I was working, I had to present my work to as many as a couple of hundred people at a time, much though I might wish to avoid doing so, It was part of the job, what I was being paid for.