Published on 12, July, 2020
I got my diagnosis a couple of months ago and after 51 years it made perfect sense to me. So much of what makes me, me, and so many of the difficulties that I've wrestled with, in particular with family relationships, is clarified.
I'm happy with my diagnosis and it's by no means marginal, but I wondered whether anyone else has experience of family refusing to accept it. My mum was involved in the assessment which I found quite difficult for a lot of reasons not least having to admit to stuff that she didn't know anything about. She's had some time to absorb it now though and she's basically decided(on what basis I don't know) that she thinks the diagnosis is wrong.
I know with every fibre of my being that it's right, and it doesn't altogether surprise me that she can't accept it but it feels like I'm being pushed back into the box that my family have always put me in, that never fitted me but they couldn't be bothered to see it. It feels like she's determined to deny who I am. I effectively 'disappeared' for around 15 years in my 20s because I was so desperate to get away from my family's perception of me, and I know (because she made it very clear during the assessment) that that hurt her, but she can't see that my diagnosis and the inability of my family to accept me as I am was the reason I withdrew from them. I'm trying to stay engaged at the moment, particularly since my dad died a few weeks after my diagnosis, but this determuned denial makes me feel like I did back then, like I want to just leave the planet and not have to deal with them at all.
Sorry, this sounds whiney. I'm really glad to be here but I don't have many people to talk to, so any advice would be gratefully received.
Hi Durer,i just been diagnosed last year at 49,and also makes alot of sense on every relationship i ever had. Unfortunately parents are from another generation. My dad won't accept it at all,mum wasn't around long enough to see it(tho think she would agree!). At 18 i moved huindreds of miles away cos of my dad not understanding me at all and would always push for a meltdown,mostly saying i'm lazy(just like last school,who also treated me as just stupid!). I nearly gave up wanting assessment because he made me see Autism like him. Sometimes parents whether mum or dad feel they are at fault or sometimes embarrased they have a sibling who has Autism as if it's a disease!
agreed - they have no egos
Thank you, that sounds like a plan. I'm better on paper.
I identify. Thank you for sharing. I got diagnosed in 2018 at age 53. Correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t one of the ‘symptoms’ of ASD not seeing things from the viewpoint of another? That makes life difficult for others and me. For example, my family have had 53 years of automatic perception of me as non-autistic and they are often too busy and distracted to change their interpretation of me when it does not seem essential. They were even less educated about autism than me. I sometimes forget that I am autistic and am puzzled by my disordered thinking and behaviour so it is understandable - although not ideal- that they would also not have my autism in their mind. Seeing things from the point of view of another also applies to my own previous states of mind. I find it impossible to imagine a different experience than the one the senses are forcing upon me.
All animals are nice than people! Lol!
I have no direct experience. (I'm not yet diagnosed, but if I am, I do know that if I were to tell my daughter, she wouldn't believe me, so I probably never would). A parent is different though, especially with the history you have. I think I'd be inclined to write her a letter, basically what you wrote here, explaining how her refusal to accept you, and your diagnosis, makes you feel and how you're having to fight leaving again. You'll have time, in a letter, to explain fully. Time to word it exactly as you need it to be worded, rather than trying to verbally explain (which I can never do because I get in a tizz and either go mute or talk rubbish!).
At the end of the day, if you were diagnosed with, say, MS would she argue that that diagnosis was wrong? It could be that she's just gone into denial, too worried about how you'll be affected by the 'autism label', as it were. You could put her worries to rest in the letter, let her know it's not freaking you out.
cool
I have two. Ingrid and Quill. Quill is be a rescue. I love their noises and the smell of their fur. Quill would very much like to breed with Ingrid but she is very much not interested. He is disappointed but endlessly optimistic.
i had about 7 guines pigs when i was about 14, then one day suddenly they became 14/15 overnight when they started to breed ! I love the constant squeaking they make and the way they walk in trains.
Me too. Much nicer than people. And guinea pigs are nicer than people too.
wow cool dog --- all dog think they are the best. i just love all dogs
Beanie. She's the best dog in the world. Or so she tells me. And her feet smell of biscuits.
whats your dogs name ?
yes laughing is a good option
Thank you. It's nice to be here. My mum apparently prefers to take the opinion of a random person who met me once for 30 minutes over mine and that of my psychologist. I guess you have to laugh, maybe?
I'm determined on that, definitely. I know it's me and it's mine and I'm not going to let anyone take it from me. It just made sense of my whole life, but I'm disappointed I guess that they can't bring themselves to accept it.
Welcome to this forum
I find it hard to believe our diagnosis is not recognised by ur family. i mean professionals say this,,, not you.
I have a lot of experience of my family refusing to accept my autism diagnosis. However, that doesn't mean that they should influence me to refuse to accept my autism diagnosis,