Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I was diagnosed in December at the age of 41 and fluctuate between feeling "really autistic" and feeling like I'm faking it. I don't know any other autistic people (as far as I know). I told one friend who doesn't believe my diagnosis and whose lack of support has been a bit of a blow and my partner and family. Her brother made jokes at the weekend about looking at a holiday cottage which had a play room for me. He hadn't been looking at cottages at all and I have been left feeling a bit foolish for not realising the extent of his banter until the next day and for allowing him to kind of bully me. My fault as I do make 'jokes' as a bit of a foil and have now blurred the lines over what is appropriate and what is hurtful.
How have you dealt with telling people? How do you manage with the feelings of faking it? I think some of these forum posts have been really helpful. I'm conscious that I have mainly posted asking for advice/moaning about stuff and will try to be more cheerful in my next post!
Have a good day!
Hi Jarvis,
I'm just on the road to assessment and it's all a bit of shock to me - so, what do I know? But since you have a diagnosis, you clearly aren't faking anything.
I have a hunch, however, that everything might depend on context as to whether ASD is getting in the way of anything or not. For instance, when I filled in my triage paperwork, I spoke to a couple of folks who know me well. One of them knows my academic approach well and has often been out in groups with me. Her response was "Well, that wouldn't be a shocker, Dawn" and gently pointed out the aspects of my behaviour she could see. The other is a friendship built mostly on one on one conversation. She can't see it at all and certainly feels I respond to her needs. The 'group' thing and the 'study' thing might turn out to be where it shows for me, is all. One on one, trusted friends TELL you what they think and feel - so for me, no other social cue needed, therefore this friend can't see it.
Is it possible that when you feel you are "faking it", you're just in a situation, where it isn't getting in the way of anything?
I am so sorry these people haven't been more supportive for you.
Hi Dawn,
Good luck with your assessment. Are you feeling positive about it? I certainly found it worthwhile in trying to understand why I sometimes behave as I do. It just opens up some other questions.
I think you might be right about about situational view. I hadn't considered that before.
Sometimes we can perhaps be a bit too informed I guess. I'll read traits of autistic people and think well I don't do that so maybe I'm not. Also having a late diagnosis means I don't always know what's me and what's me masking and whether me masking is still me. It can all get a bit philosophical...
Yep! I get that. Also, I guess, if two people with a broken leg don't experience the problem in the same way, there's no reason to suppose any two people with ASD will. Just because some people have one of the traits you don't, doesn't mean it doesn't apply. You may have other's they don't. Or do, but they don't bother them.
I guess I have mixed feelings about it. If it turns out that I am on the spectrum - and the more I look into it the more I think I certainly have traits and from my mother's description of my childhood, it's a classic - I think it's a case of, oh well. There you go! That explains much of the good, bad and ugly of my life. And it can only be a good thing to understand that. It would allow me to be aware of why and when I need to check out other people's needs and for other people just to be aware of when and how I might be processing things a tad differently to them. It can only help.
On the other hand, I am so desperate over the medical phobias and consequent anxiety and melt down thing, I might feel quite despairing that no one is ever going to be able to help me with the one aspect of it all that is completely debilitating and quite dangerous. I only hope that a diagnosis can come with a solution to that.
I think you will find the help. Either through professionals or (probably more likely) your own research.
I have read a couple of good books- and a few not so. And as a bit of a podcast obsessive I have found a few of those to be helpful. 1800 Seconds on Autism on BBC Sounds, the most recent episode of Period Power...
Understanding triggers is a massive step toward doing something about them.