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Hello!

Jarvis
over 3 years ago

Hi, 

 I was diagnosed in December at the age of 41 and fluctuate between feeling "really autistic" and feeling like I'm faking it. I don't know any other autistic people (as far as I know). I told one friend who doesn't believe my diagnosis and whose lack of support has been a bit of a blow and my partner and family. Her brother made jokes at the weekend about looking at a holiday cottage which had a play room for me. He hadn't been looking at cottages at all and I have been left feeling a bit foolish for not realising the extent of his banter until the next day and for allowing him to kind of bully me. My fault as I do make 'jokes' as a bit of a foil and have now blurred the lines over what is appropriate and what is hurtful. 

How have you dealt with telling people? How do you manage with the feelings of faking it? I think some of these forum posts have been really helpful. I'm conscious that I have mainly posted asking for advice/moaning about stuff and will try to be more cheerful in my next post! 

Have a good day! 

Parents
  • over 3 years ago

    Hi Jarvis,

    I'm just on the road to assessment and it's all a bit of shock to me - so, what do I know?  But since you have a diagnosis, you clearly aren't faking anything.  

    I have a hunch, however, that everything might depend on context as to whether ASD is getting in the way of anything or not.  For instance, when I filled in my triage paperwork, I spoke to a couple of folks who know me well.  One of them knows my academic approach well and has often been out in groups with me.  Her response was "Well, that wouldn't be a shocker, Dawn" and gently pointed out the aspects of my behaviour she could see.  The other is a friendship built mostly on one on one conversation.  She can't see it at all and certainly feels I respond to her needs.  The 'group' thing and the 'study' thing might turn out to be where it shows for me, is all.  One on one, trusted friends TELL you what they think and feel - so for me, no other social cue needed, therefore this friend can't see it.

    Is it possible that when you feel you are "faking it", you're just in a situation, where it isn't getting in the way of anything?

    I am so sorry these people haven't been more supportive for you.

Reply
  • over 3 years ago

    Hi Jarvis,

    I'm just on the road to assessment and it's all a bit of shock to me - so, what do I know?  But since you have a diagnosis, you clearly aren't faking anything.  

    I have a hunch, however, that everything might depend on context as to whether ASD is getting in the way of anything or not.  For instance, when I filled in my triage paperwork, I spoke to a couple of folks who know me well.  One of them knows my academic approach well and has often been out in groups with me.  Her response was "Well, that wouldn't be a shocker, Dawn" and gently pointed out the aspects of my behaviour she could see.  The other is a friendship built mostly on one on one conversation.  She can't see it at all and certainly feels I respond to her needs.  The 'group' thing and the 'study' thing might turn out to be where it shows for me, is all.  One on one, trusted friends TELL you what they think and feel - so for me, no other social cue needed, therefore this friend can't see it.

    Is it possible that when you feel you are "faking it", you're just in a situation, where it isn't getting in the way of anything?

    I am so sorry these people haven't been more supportive for you.

Children
  • over 3 years ago in reply to Dawn

    Hi Dawn,

    Good luck with your assessment. Are you feeling positive about it? I certainly found it worthwhile in trying to understand why I sometimes behave as I do. It just opens up some other questions. 

    I think you might be right about about situational view. I hadn't considered that before. 

    Sometimes we can perhaps be a bit too informed I guess. I'll read traits of autistic people and think well I don't do that so maybe I'm not. Also having a late diagnosis means I don't always know what's me and what's me masking and whether me masking is still me. It can all get a bit philosophical...