Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm a 63 year old female and live in North Yorkshire. I worked as a nurse but am now retired. Never married and don't have any children. Realised about 10 years ago that I had A.S. but felt it wasn't really appropriate to be professionally diagnosed. Some other family members are also affected but, like me, are high-functioning, except for one cousin who is profoundly autistic. It was a relief in many ways to realise that I was on the autistic spectrum as explained lots of things about myself that I had found puzzling such as hypersensitivity to noise, hating going to parties etc. When I was younger nothing seemed to be known about Aspergers and I wonder how different my life would have been if I knew then what I know now. Are there other people in the same situation?
Thanks for the replies. It's nice to know there are others with similar experiences and problems. I think one of the things we have to do is not be too hard on ourselves and just accept that the way we measure our success and happiness may be completely different from the mainstream.
In my early 40's recently diagnosed with Aspergers, after the psychological crash and burn brought on by the condition, been sacrificing my life for work obsession, on paper I was a total success, but the Aspergers rock has to come back down to Earth at some time when the fuel is spent. It is hard picking up a new functional role or pathway, because of the rocket ride all my life, so I am learning to take it easy on myself, the diagnosed allows me to hopefully too build a new structure which has more comfort within long-term. I love to learn so,, in a way it is my new challenge. Step by step we Aspies get there as we are dumbgeniuses as my brother puts it, we don't stop
hey daisy, my partner found out only a few years ago , hes in his late 20s. we both think his life would have been very different if hed have been properly diagnosed IF he also had the right care and help avaliable.
its great you know after all that time you can now move forward with that info and accept who you are, your a bit 'different' and thats fine
theres obviously gonna be a lot of 'what ifs' but its not worth going over it, its done and you know now, thats what matters.
i totally agree, there is NO 'normal' and us nts have our own oddities as well, i knwo my partner doesnt understand a lot of our nt life. stuff anyone who 'cant accept' you for who you are, autistics have a lot to offer our soceity whether they are 'odd' or not
Hi explorer
Thanks very much for your reply. I can relate to everything you say. I don't think I would have been as adventurous as I have been at various times in my life if I'd known about the AS earlier. As you say, the main impact has been on maintaining relationships and, in my case anyway, finding lots of social situations difficult. I do think there's a case for people like us who are able to work and live independently not to make a big issue of the AS. I think I heard something about Temple Grandin holding that view and saying that we should concentrate on our skills. The trouble is that a lot of people seem to have problems accepting someone who is a bit 'different', perhaps just slightly odd or eccentric. The real question is just who exactly is 'normal'.
Hi Daisy,
I think there are quite a few of us out here, trying to come to terms with the sudden realisation that it might all have been so different. I'm into my 50s and I know my life could have been so much easier had I known then what I know now. But would it have been better? I don't know - I may not have pushed myself so hard, but I might have missed out because of that. And I don't think a single one of my many employers would have even considered me for the jobs that have contributed to a full and varied life.
Knowing more about how AS has affected my relationships is sad as it's too late to go back and explain, or find out how I might have been able to chose better and maintain relationships. I don't have children either.
After 3 years post diagnosis, I have reached a point where I accept what I cannot change, but I am working on changing what I can, and learning how to make my day to day life better. It would be godd to hear what other people think about this.