Struggling with near adult child who won't think about future!

There is this forum which can be useful, I believe there are groups on Facebook but I don’t use social media so I don’t know specifics. But by using online mediums it won’t be as full on than groups to attend in person. 

I can also relate to that, keeping interested in something your not fully wanting to do it becomes easier to feel the things your not enjoying rather than what you do get from it. Even with my trials for the programme and to make that jump from my team I had been with for almost 10 years and completely change I almost didnt go from the struggle of the whole day itself and lucky I have a great family to support me and help me get through it.

My mum would drive for hours on end and sit wasting time in car parks so I didn’t have to face the minibus to begin with or the commute to and from. I had to be eased into it and it was extremely tough yet so rewarding at the time. I couldn’t have done it without my mum holding my hand a lot of the time. 

When that came to an end I was still a bit lost, I was lucky to have my football as my main focus but in terms of getting a job an apprenticeship was the best thing I did! I knew uni wasn’t for me especially as I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do or what I felt I could be comfortable doing. That was a great way to start getting work experience but without some of the pressures it’s definitely a great inbetween and would highly recommend it! However I was extremely lucky with mine I was their first which let me set the standards and we all learnt together it was great. It was also with Central YMCA and they are known for being fully inclusive to all! So it does depend on the setting and the people surrounding you!

Each part of the journey will make new paths and it’s all a learning curve. All of my struggles came before a diagnosis so I am not sure had I been disganosed when I was younger if I would have pushed myself as hard as I did over the years. It wasn’t until a severe knee injury that took my game away that I had a breakdown and it was then we delved deeper and looked further back that it became apparent the markers were always there but being female it’s been a lot easier to go undetected until I went bang. 

As you are as supportive as you are that’s one of the greatest tools he can have even if at times it may feel like your fighting a losing battle but in the long run it’s what makes all the difference!

Thanks for your reply - I'm so pleased you found a place to nurture your interests and truly benefit from them - that's fantastic! We've tried to jump on board with my son's interests - he is obsessed with gaming, so we went with him to different colleges and sought out courses that would be in that vein for after GCSE's, he did a year course and he wasn't interested. So last year he showed an interest in food so we got him on a course doing that - he is finishing off the year in lockdown but doesn't want to continue with that either. We've had course brochures for months to 'start the conversation' about what he wants to do in September, and have also suggested apprenticeships and pretty much anything that we could think of - we don't mind him trying things out, in fact we've encouraged him to, just in case it ends up being something he enjoys/excels at. 

Wonderful insight - thank you! Do you have any specific groups that you would recommend so I can suggest to him? He isn't likely to seek them out himself.

I had similar issues with 6th form (I stayed at my school as the transition to college and the travel ect was too much to contemplate at the time. After the first year I only came away with 20% attendance and had it not been for the fact they knew me from the school years and my grades were still one of the top in the class (I found I was learning more on my own at home than I was in the class and that became draining when in a lesson and thinking how much of a waste of time it seemed) 

I think at this point had I tried to stay there I am not sure I would have finished my A levels. My obsession is football and always was (not stereotypical trait but the level of obsession was there, and being female it’s a completely different set up and environment to men’s football) I trialled for football academies attached to a college programme and for me this made all the difference. It gave me that incentive to attend the college side to be allowed to be part of the football programme. Don’t get me wrong it wasn’t without it’s challenges but on a whole looking back without it I don’t know where I would be! I gained so much from it and it opened lots of doors I wouldn’t have had for me when it came to working life. 

I know I’m lucky I had the football programme and there wasn’t any pandemic at the time, but it may be worth figuring out what he wants or can see himself doing and start making plans now for September. I found this much easier than where I was before I made that change. There are lots of courses and colleges out there that have these style of programmes and that could be for art, music, technology all sorts. Now we have the time to think about all these things and where we want to be after lockdown.

It won’t be simple but as they say nothing good comes easy and it’s finding a way to make the best of every situation that will help rather than focus on the negatives. A list of pros and cons is always a good way to try and work out the direction you want to move in.

I found doing this it drew me closer to people with similar interests - I have always struggled with friendships but with a common goal comes mutual respect and that’s a great way to start. There will always be hiccups but if your main focus and time is spent doing something your interested in then the rest becomes a bit easier to deal with.

Good luck!

Friendships are key but what I’d say is at his age you need to let him find them. You said “we need to find him some safe places to form friendships” rather I’d say maybe make him aware of places but let him take the driving seat as he also needs to find Taft independence. Of course as parents you will gave concerns over safety. But at his age he won’t want to feel as though he is being treated as a child. So maybe sign post him to places - in truth given the social issues sone of us on the spectrum have, as much as it grates me to say it - online is probably the easiest starting place - there are groups on Facebook. This forum and others which provide a good starting point. The reason I say this is that in my experience, those on the spectrum often get in better with others in the spectrum due to shared experiences and outlooks. Often we struggle with neurotypical people - so autism focused sites/ groups are best i’d say. Simply plunging someone who struggles in social situations into a race to face  social setting doesn’t work much of the time.