Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all, Im sure we're not the only ones who are struggling with a teenager, having already had an older child not on the spectrum go through their teens it's not exactly a surprise that this time is hard - BUT - factor in my son being on the spectrum and things are a lot more complicated! He is 18 very soon, and after cracking under the immense pressure of GCSE's and not getting grades that reflect his ability, has really not engaged with college courses or much of anything. He won't talk to us about the future and we are really needing to find him some safe places to form friendships and get some guidance on his future. We do have a younger child also on the spectrum, our son has an EHCP and we were just building a case to get one for our daughter when COVID19 hit.
I had similar issues with 6th form (I stayed at my school as the transition to college and the travel ect was too much to contemplate at the time. After the first year I only came away with 20% attendance and had it not been for the fact they knew me from the school years and my grades were still one of the top in the class (I found I was learning more on my own at home than I was in the class and that became draining when in a lesson and thinking how much of a waste of time it seemed)
I think at this point had I tried to stay there I am not sure I would have finished my A levels. My obsession is football and always was (not stereotypical trait but the level of obsession was there, and being female it’s a completely different set up and environment to men’s football) I trialled for football academies attached to a college programme and for me this made all the difference. It gave me that incentive to attend the college side to be allowed to be part of the football programme. Don’t get me wrong it wasn’t without it’s challenges but on a whole looking back without it I don’t know where I would be! I gained so much from it and it opened lots of doors I wouldn’t have had for me when it came to working life.
I know I’m lucky I had the football programme and there wasn’t any pandemic at the time, but it may be worth figuring out what he wants or can see himself doing and start making plans now for September. I found this much easier than where I was before I made that change. There are lots of courses and colleges out there that have these style of programmes and that could be for art, music, technology all sorts. Now we have the time to think about all these things and where we want to be after lockdown.
It won’t be simple but as they say nothing good comes easy and it’s finding a way to make the best of every situation that will help rather than focus on the negatives. A list of pros and cons is always a good way to try and work out the direction you want to move in.
I found doing this it drew me closer to people with similar interests - I have always struggled with friendships but with a common goal comes mutual respect and that’s a great way to start. There will always be hiccups but if your main focus and time is spent doing something your interested in then the rest becomes a bit easier to deal with.
Good luck!
Thanks for your reply - I'm so pleased you found a place to nurture your interests and truly benefit from them - that's fantastic! We've tried to jump on board with my son's interests - he is obsessed with gaming, so we went with him to different colleges and sought out courses that would be in that vein for after GCSE's, he did a year course and he wasn't interested. So last year he showed an interest in food so we got him on a course doing that - he is finishing off the year in lockdown but doesn't want to continue with that either. We've had course brochures for months to 'start the conversation' about what he wants to do in September, and have also suggested apprenticeships and pretty much anything that we could think of - we don't mind him trying things out, in fact we've encouraged him to, just in case it ends up being something he enjoys/excels at.