Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I have a 16 year old son with Autism. He is high functioning and has managed to stay in main stream school. He was very stressed until recently about his up and coming GCSE's. When the government cancelling them and he knew he would most likely get the grades he needed for college, it took away that stress and anxiety for him. Sadly that has now been replaced with depression and self hate, due to both the coroner virus and problems with friends and a girl he chatted with online. I have tried to gently encourage him to have a goal of some kind and to point out the positives about himself, but this has not helped. He has also talked about harming himself when he is at his lowest. We are stuck in a flat which makes it worst. He is an only child with no siblings to interact with just me, his mother. He is too young to volunteer, and college seems a long way off at this point. Does anyone have any advice that might be useful. Thanks
Hmmmm I can’t say I know any videos that’ll be of use - its not a medium I’ve used for myself very much and because he has his own personality, likes and dislikes etc what works for one person may not another - it’s tricky. As I said previously and Plectrum says below - having people he can talk to will make a difference especially if they can relate to him and him them. Maybe look up autism based youth groups for advice on connecting him with others in his age group who like him want to feel ‘normal’ but have their struggles. I don’t know where to start looking but I’m sure the NAS helpline or a google search will put you in the right direction.
We do have a cat which he loves, my brother has done a couple of socially distanced walks with him to try and help. I will try and think of some one he could help or do for someone. On a good day he does help me with jobs around the flat. Thanks for the advice.
Thanks for that information.
I agree, I think I am Autistic too after 45 years of struggling and am waiting a private assessment. I have tried to show him some possitive YouTube video I have watched and always show him good storyings in the Autism magazine's I have received over the years. I think he is at the age where he does not want to stand out. Any suggests of good sites or videos that may help him? Thanks
Hi, is there any person of a similar age or a bit older he could chat to such as a cousin, youth worker or a family friend he confides in? Someone who isn't a parent. Maybe he could do with a chance to offload, so that anxiety is not building up too much.
Another idea could be to walk a dog for an older person, or run an errand for them. Being with an animal can be quite rewarding.
People with autism who need to get out more than once a day for their mental health are allowed to do so under the lockdown rules.
And that is exactly why he should talk to others - to realise this condition that gets him so down isn’t that bad, nor is it a fault - by relating to others he may be able to find confidence in himself. By speaking to those who truly understand how it feels, I think he will have some success. It was a big turning point for me when I realised others felt the same about their ASD but also got to see how others coped and functioned etc. Much of moving forward in life is self-realisation and confidence - that’s what I’ve learned anyway.
Thank for your advice Anthony, especially as it comes from you own experiences. I will think on how to help him use his interests to boost his confidence. As for talking to other Autistic people. He is at a stage of wanting to be normal, he wants to start going to parties at college like his peers. He sees his differences as the part of him that is useless and broken.
As someone who struggled with mental health throughout my teen years I can honestly say that no matter how well intentioned pointing out positives can be, it rarely makes someone feel better because if the level of self hate etc which exists if anything when people said nice things about me it curled the self hate because I couldn’t see it or believe it - I think the key is having a sense of purpose though appreciate in the current situation with lockdown this is harder to achieve - he needs to feel good about himself naturally so the best thing is to steer him towards something he likes that will give him fulfilment - does he like photography? As something as simple as taking some pictures of nature whilst on a walk (as part of the daily excersise allowance) may give him something to focus on - it’s what I’ve been doing -much hinges on his interests and personality - so I appreciate this tip us limited as I don’t know him, so cannot tailor any recommendations to him personally, but my big suggestion is not to bombard him with positives you see in him - even though that’s what feels like the right thing to do, instead seek to inspire him in some way so the positivity comes from him. It might help if he chats to other people who are autistic as often people with autism seem to relate better to our own kind than we do neurotypical people. If he can chat freely with these people they may be able to talk about issues like depression - as sometimes talking about wellbeing with parents is REALLY hard whereas with someone else it’s much easier... granted the conversation won’t be all flowers and sunshine, but sometimes just venting how you feel helps - even if it doesn’t make nice reading. Hope that makes sense, if not drop me a message and I will try to elaborate.