Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I have a 16 year old son with Autism. He is high functioning and has managed to stay in main stream school. He was very stressed until recently about his up and coming GCSE's. When the government cancelling them and he knew he would most likely get the grades he needed for college, it took away that stress and anxiety for him. Sadly that has now been replaced with depression and self hate, due to both the coroner virus and problems with friends and a girl he chatted with online. I have tried to gently encourage him to have a goal of some kind and to point out the positives about himself, but this has not helped. He has also talked about harming himself when he is at his lowest. We are stuck in a flat which makes it worst. He is an only child with no siblings to interact with just me, his mother. He is too young to volunteer, and college seems a long way off at this point. Does anyone have any advice that might be useful. Thanks
As someone who struggled with mental health throughout my teen years I can honestly say that no matter how well intentioned pointing out positives can be, it rarely makes someone feel better because if the level of self hate etc which exists if anything when people said nice things about me it curled the self hate because I couldn’t see it or believe it - I think the key is having a sense of purpose though appreciate in the current situation with lockdown this is harder to achieve - he needs to feel good about himself naturally so the best thing is to steer him towards something he likes that will give him fulfilment - does he like photography? As something as simple as taking some pictures of nature whilst on a walk (as part of the daily excersise allowance) may give him something to focus on - it’s what I’ve been doing -much hinges on his interests and personality - so I appreciate this tip us limited as I don’t know him, so cannot tailor any recommendations to him personally, but my big suggestion is not to bombard him with positives you see in him - even though that’s what feels like the right thing to do, instead seek to inspire him in some way so the positivity comes from him. It might help if he chats to other people who are autistic as often people with autism seem to relate better to our own kind than we do neurotypical people. If he can chat freely with these people they may be able to talk about issues like depression - as sometimes talking about wellbeing with parents is REALLY hard whereas with someone else it’s much easier... granted the conversation won’t be all flowers and sunshine, but sometimes just venting how you feel helps - even if it doesn’t make nice reading. Hope that makes sense, if not drop me a message and I will try to elaborate.
Thank for your advice Anthony, especially as it comes from you own experiences. I will think on how to help him use his interests to boost his confidence. As for talking to other Autistic people. He is at a stage of wanting to be normal, he wants to start going to parties at college like his peers. He sees his differences as the part of him that is useless and broken.