Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello
I’m new and just wanted to introduce myself. I was diagnosed with Aspergers in March after a very long journey. A 49 year one actually so it came as a relief to finally make sense of a life of confusion or I could say always being confused about life.
As a female I have discovered through the diagnosis process that I had become an expert at masking and camouflage to the point which I came to in 2012 of complete nervous breakdown and not even knowing who I was. I went through many tests at hospitals as I was so unwell and eventually diagnosed with M.E or chronic fatigue in 2017.
Being so fatigued all the time I didn’t have the energy to mask anymore. I became seriously depressed and was referred to a clinical psychologist and it was during the sessions that she spoke to me about Aspergers and referred me for assessment. I was on a waiting list for 3 years but got there in the end.
Even though the last few years have been stressful and I have felt very lost at times. I do feel now that I understand myself better and why my life has been one of living in a state of high anxiety lost most of the time. Why I found running my own business easier than working for someone as I could control it, and why I usually feel like an atmospheric sponge after spending time with others and have to then recover for days or end up with a migraine. Why I am pedantic about everything and I mean everything and why I am absolutely always right Why relationships have always been full of misunderstanding and intensity. However on a positive note I got married when I was 42 to someone who accepts my quirky ways.
Anyway that’s probably enough for now. It’s great to meet you all and I am happy to share my experiences leading to diagnoses if it can help anyone else.
Hi, it was great to just read your message, thanks for writing it. I can completely relate to your experiences. I have just joined having just come to terms with the fact that I have Aspergers. The Covid lockdown and no longer having to do school runs or work meetings has given me the space to finally accept it and read other people's experiences. I am a 38 year old woman and started my own small business after being signed off work from a full-time job with 'Generalised Anxiety Disorder' and depression. It isn't easy but for me is a better option than being an employee in a workplace and having to wear a mask everyday. I work from home alone and can spend hours focused on one topic at a time in silence, which suits me perfectly.
When I first read about autism and Asperger years ago, I read that autistic people don't have empathy so I didn't think I possibly could be. I often feel like I have too much empathy and get deeply affected by other people's emotions. The TV documentary on Channel 4 a couple of years ago was what first made me realise there has been a lot of misunderstanding about autism from medical professions and I might be high functioning autistic/Aspergers. But being so busy and constantly exhausted, and scared of how people might react to me if they knew, I tried not to think about it (which didn't work...) I had also got so adept at masking/compensating that I lost touch with the real me through spending most of my life working so hard to 'be' what I thought I should be...
Now that I have some space to process my emotions around it all, I have been wondering if I should try to get a diagnosis on the other side of the Covid crisis, how difficult it is, and whether other people's experiences have been positive or negative. Or should I just continue without one but taking better care of myself along the way? I also think that my mum and sister are on the spectrum (but haven't had a proper conversation with them about it), and my 9 year old daughter may well be too. She is showing lots of the signs and has found school stressful in the past, although last year was much better thanks to a great teacher.
I am really keen to hear other people's experiences, especially from women getting diagnoses/realising they have autism. Thanks!
Hi Amanda Thankyou for sharing your story too. It is very similar to my own in many ways. I have struggled with anxiety my whole life and was also diagnosed with GAD although I now understand from having an Aspergers diagnosis why no therapy, of which I have had a lot of over the years has ever helped me as I was seeing people who weren’t specialised in helping those with Autism. I personally have found the diagnosis process a positive experience as I can now receive the right support. Also like yourself I am finding this lockdown beneficial. It has taken the pressure off needing to go out and the anxiety and stress that comes with it,
it’s so important I have found to have space to process emotions as you have discovered too. Having Autism can make the world a very overwhelming confusing place to be. I have also discovered that it makes us very unique too and incredibly gifted and sensitive in other ways.