Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone!
I've joined today because I want to understand and support my daughter and her boyfriend.
My daughter is training to be a doctor and works in a nightclub at weekends. She met a young man (22) and last month they got a flat together.
He is absolutely lovely. He is polite, kind, a good conversationalist, kind to animals. So I was shocked to learn yesterday that he is on the spectrum.He receives PIP to support his daily living.
I wouldn't have thought it in a thousand years!
The only things that indicate any unusual behaviours (certainly not social or communication) are that he he dislikes most foods and is reluctant to try anything else - even pizza. He also seems to tolerate pain as he will not take any kind of medication including headache tablets. 'I've never taken drugs' he said to me. I thought he meant cocaine!
Surely if he is received benefits (and he does work full time) there are other issues? My daughter says she doesn't understand autism and I have done some 'training days' as I am a teacher - but I don't know how I can support them or what I should expect/do.
Feel completely lost and out of my depth here. Just looking for some advice or just to talk really.
Japen said:The only things that indicate any unusual behaviours (certainly not social or communication) are that he he dislikes most foods and is reluctant to try anything else - even pizza
Why do you think autistic people must behave in an unusual way?
I work as a teacher in HE, I am autistic and receive the highest rate of PIP. In my first year of teaching (which was FE initially), I was awarded advanced practitioner status and spent part of my weekly training my colleagues on how to improve their practice. I also became a director of my professional within my first year of working in HE. This was due to being autistic, as:
Despite this, I do operate in a world that wasn't constructed with my needs in mind and due to society's unthoughtfulness, I do incur extra costs, which PIP pays for. For example, I used to have to regularly attend directors meetings in London. The noise and lighting I experienced whilst there caused me sensory overload, which made me so tired I was unable to cook that evening and the next day. I was awarded PIP points for this as it affected my ability to make a meal and I relied on ready meals or takeaways during this time. That situation gets me 2 points. You only need 8 points to be awarded the benefit.
The main thing you could do to support him is just to treat him like any other human, which he is. Find out about his likes, as well as interests and respect him e.g don't try to encourage to try new foods if he doesn't want to. It's would also help to remember that for a lot of autistic people, especially those who would have been labelled Aspergers, their 'disability' is socially constructed simply because their neurotype is in the minority and they operate in a different way to the predominant neurotype. They can actually do everything but sometimes in a different way to their peers.
Thanks for your reply, which is very useful.
What I meant by 'unusual behaviours' is that I cannot see what makes him different to anyone else, so why does he have the diagnosis. I like your comment about perceived disability being socially constructed. I get that.
Thank you also for the explanation about PIP. This clarifies some things.
He really is lovely and adores my daughter, and she him, and it looks like he will be my son-in-law one day. I just want the best for them both.
Anyway, thanks again.