Hey...I’m new to here

Hello everyone. 

I’m very proud mummy to my son who is yet to be told he has autism but I have been told he is border line which I have no idea which that mean. I feel like I’ve got no where to turn as the family around me think it’s normal and he will be fine. He has recently had a visit from the child development team and I do t where to go from here. He has been lashing out at other children at his nursery and which I’ve told them he does like to left alone when they said he struggling to make friends and has no interest in making friends, and I’ve said if they get too much he will lash out and they seem not to take any interest in me. Is this just me or have other parents has this too? I’m scared he isn’t going get the help that he need through out his life. I’ve also been told it’s a 2 year waiting list before he has his final assessment and that’s what is scary to me as he isn’t getting any help that he needs

sorry to put so much but I just do t on where to turn anymore

  • I tend to think border line means they can't categorically say that he's definitely got autism yet and they want to be sure it isn't anything else causing the behaviour before he is diagnosed ie through the assessments. It baffles me how the waiting list can be so long when only 1% of the population has autism. 

    I'm not a parent so I cant advise from that side of things but as he is under assessment, when he starts school they will have to take his needs into account. I would make sure the school he will be attending knows that he likely has autism and all about his needs. They still have to put support in if he is being assessed as they have to show they are meeting his needs but they will be limited until the diagnosis comes through. Nurseries I think have less dealings with this sort of thing. My only suggestion there would be to see if there are any nurseries that may meet his needs more. If not then sit down with the nursery and make it very clear what his needs are. If all he wants to do is play by himself then I don't see that's a particularly big ask on the nurseries part.

    Good luck.

  • I understand their logic, if he is going to continue in mainstream school then yes he will need to learn tolerance of other children and it will probably help him in later life to develop social skills. And he will at some point need to develop strategies to try to avoid lashing out.

    But..... he is in nursery! He has years to work on these things. He may not yet have the understanding to listen about this. Some autistic children prefer their own company and I see no issue with that at his age.

    If the nursery are that determined then they should do a short structured activity in which he is expected to interact with other children but if he is just playing, I really think they should leave him to it.

    It may be worth asking your doctor or whoever is dealing with his referral for assessment to write a letter explaining that he has autistic tendencies and is awaiting assessment and perhaps listing the key things he struggles with, like people being in his space.

  • Hi,

    Welcome to the forum, at 2 your son doesn't have to go to nursery and if it is causing him problems you are quite entitled not to send him. However while he is at nursery it helps build an accurate picture for professionals that show areas that he struggles with, which helps when he gets to the assessment stage. 

    His nursery should have policy in place to support children with additional needs as he is awaiting diagnosis they should be supporting him. 

    As for support for you both have you looked at asking for a family support worker (not social worker)  they can be really helpful getting things moving for your son as they will liase and advise nursery on the best way forward. They can also try and hurry diagnosis up and advise you what help is available to you now. I avoided them for years thinking they were like social workers that just criticise what ever you do but since being allocated one six months ago more has been done for my daughter in that time than the 6 years before

  • Hi,

    Welcome to the forum, at 2 your son doesn't have to go to nursery and if it is causing him problems you are quite entitled not to send him. However while he is at nursery it helps build an accurate picture for professionals that show areas that he struggles with, which helps when he gets to the assessment stage. 

    His nursery should have policy in place to support children with additional needs as he is awaiting diagnosis they should be supporting him. 

    As for support for you both have you looked at asking for a family support worker (not social worker)  they can be really helpful getting things moving for your son as they will liase and advise nursery on the best way forward. They can also try and hurry diagnosis up and advise you what help is available to you now. I avoided them for years thinking they were like social workers that just criticise what ever you do but since being allocated one six months ago more has been done for my daughter in that time than the 6 years before

  • Hi,

    Welcome to the forum, at 2 your son doesn't have to go to nursery and if it is causing him problems you are quite entitled not to send him. However while he is at nursery it helps build an accurate picture for professionals that show areas that he struggles with, which helps when he gets to the assessment stage. 

    His nursery should have policy in place to support children with additional needs as he is awaiting diagnosis they should be supporting him. 

    As for support for you both have you looked at asking for a family support worker (not social worker)  they can be really helpful getting things moving for your son as they will liase and advise nursery on the best way forward. They can also try and hurry diagnosis up and advise you what help is available to you now. I avoided them for years thinking they were like social workers that just criticise what ever you do but since being allocated one six months ago more has been done for my daughter in that time than the 6 years before

  • Hi everybody here. I'm new here as well. I was diagnosed with Autism and Aspergers Syndrome roughly 10 years ago and have now accepted the condition as a kind of friend if you like. I do share all the symptoms of Aspergers Syndrome but would like to think that the rest of society hasn't stigmatised. My name i Joe Morris and I live in North London with my wonderful wife Bev  and now two grown up children who have flown the nest.

    This is a long and complicated story which goes right back in time to where it all started for me. At the moment I have now retired on mental health grounds because of what happened to me when I had the most traumatic of breakdowns which led to two spells in psychiatric ward. The year 2012 was a personal nightmare and I'd rather not go into any detail about what happened. 

    But I will always pride myself on the fact that I'm now an author of four books. The first was a just a literary experiment which was ever so bonkers and totally out of the box. The book is called Victorian Madness Lyrics. It's still available at Amazon, Waterstones online, Foyles online and Waterstones online. What I did was to translate all of Suggs Madness lyrics into over the top, posh metaphors and used the same technique for the whole book and most of the band's back catalogue. I think its hilarious and if you love English and words this is the book for you. 

    My second book No Joe Bloggs is my life story growing up in Ilford, Essex, my parents, grandparents, my late dad;s love of the West End in London, vividly descriptive accounts of London, my favourite movies, music, bands, singers and amusing pen portraits of football teams from the 1970s. No Joe Bloggs is available at all of the above outlets as well. My third book was my take on England, the Chelsea Flower Show, the Henley Regatta, British seaside resorts, West End department stores and is called Joe's Jolly Japes and also available at all of the above. 

    My most recent book has just been published and is my first children's book called Ollie and His Friends and is available at Amazon, Foyles, Lulu publishing and Barnes and Noble online. 

    So there you are. This is me Joe Morris, Autistic with Aspergers Syndrome, getting on with life and revelling in the freedom of doing the things I want to do. I'm still mentally raw and wonder if anybody else can identify with my weird and peculiar behaviour which could be considered obsessional. When I read I tend to open my mouth, mutter and mumble the words on the written page and find it to be a very distressing habit which I've had for years. Could anybody relate to this strange habit. 

    Of course Autism for me does quite definitely a complete lack of eye contact in any given social situation. It's probably one of the main reasons why my appalling or embarrassingly lack of any kind of work record has led me to living a completely different life to the 9-5 routine led by the vast majority of people. Unfortunately I left school without any qualifications at school believe it or not but I did spend most of the 1980s in the library, taking out most of the classics such as Dickens, Hardy, Henry James, Joseph Conrad, HG Wells, DH Lawrence, Proust and Tolstoy so I'm well read. Then I turned to writing and when I met my then girlfriend who became my wife Bev I was coaxed brilliantly into doing an Access to Journalism course which I passed and then did a Higher National Diploma course in Journalism which I passed as well.  But I couldn't get any work in journalism so more or less gave up on journalism. Writing in a very descriptive style is very liberating because it means I can use all of the lyrical language i've always privately wanted to use. 

    Anyway that's me Joe Morris. It would be great to here from anybody who has Aspergers Syndrome with a similar background to me and the bizarre problems I've mentioned. 

    Cheers everybody